How o I know if I feel like both genders somedays? There are times where I want top surgery but at the same time, I don't. I don't entirely feel like a boy but not as a girl either. But I still feel like I'm something? Lately, I've been comfortable with exploring my gender identity but haven't been paying close attention to it or thinking about it too much. Like I'm observing. I do go through periods of time where I feel dysphoria but it goes in periods like months. Right now I don't know what stage I'm in since I don't think I'm a girl but I don't know if I'm 100% boy either. I would try to put how I feel into percentages but I feel like it varies constantly.
I go through much of the same. I can be quite feminine and wish to be a woman, but still don't want to give up being a man. There is no easy solution to the issue. Perhaps, if you can, when you feel more feminine, go out in public as a woman, and see how it feels. I would recommend not doing anything drastic like surgery or legal name change unless you are certain that you want to go that route.
Being bi-gender sometimes seriously sucks. I'm fortunate, I mostly only get those "both genders" days while I'm shifting between a guy swing and a girl swing, or the reverse. I have about 2-3 weeks when I'm both, and I completely lose my sense of self and flounder in the netherworld between. For some people this is their gender and is their identity and it feels good. For me, it's horribly dysphoric. I'm finding that when I have those times as a guy, I make all the plans to transition. I feel the NEED for T, top surgery and bottom surgery, I want to BE a guy physically. I schedule appointments, move forward. And often at those appointments I have already shifted to my girl identity. I no longer feel the devastating urge for these things and tend to scale things back - low dose HRT instead of full dose HRT, breast reduction instead of full chest reconstruction, simple meta instead of full meta. Etc. However, when I do get them done I end up going the whole way, and I end up happy both as a guy AND as a girl. I ended up on full dose T with full mastectomy/chest reconstruction, and even my girl side loves it - as long as I can continue presenting fully femme (with falsies, etc) when I'm on a girl swing. I'm currently fully guy and planning for full metoidioplasty, with a meta consult coming up in January. I may be a girl again by then, but I've been doing these swings for long enough I finally understand them, and I'll move forward even if my girl side has reservations because while I won't feel the suffocating NEED for meta with hysto and vaginectomy, I can remember I felt that way before, and I know I'll feel that way again.
Lately, I have changed my identity from "non-binary" to "genderfluid," because I was suffering from the same issues as you seem to be having. Two weeks ago, my family went to a waterpark and I went full guy there. I had a binder on, underneath a rash guard and genderless swim shorts (I was afraid to buy guy's shorts). But now, since I've gotten back, I did not feel a need for my binder and my mindset was not the same as it was two weeks ago and this very much upset me. I literally have come to the conclusion about myself, like, two days ago. I would feel sick when thinking "I am a boy/girl." It never felt right. Even the label "non-binary" felt like I was being put in a box and I was so mad and decided that genderfluid fit me better. I was a little bit of all. I do not know when I would change my identity (boy/girl/other) again, this is the first time it has happened, but I am feeling better.
