Exploring sexuality in therapy

I started therapy for other reasons than my sexuality - mainly issues with my mother. I had to have a female therapist to be able to talk. I can't open up around men counselors for some reason. During our discussions the topic of sexuality just came with the flow of conversation as points that I had kept inhibited because of my mother's control over me. As far as just talking about sex in general, I have never been shy on that topic so it came easy to discuss in the sessions. There's no shame or embarrassment. They are not there to judge you. You pay them to listen and help guide you to the truth of you. Maybe start by discussing why you wouldn't want to be gay.

 

@confused04 I don't believe David was trying to say you should stay as you are in that respect.
You need to talk to someone about your feelings. Isolation and being alone is the opposite of what you need. If you don't feel comfortable talking with your therapist, you can always come here and vent. We are not therapists but we can listen to you and by just getting it out there, you may start to understand yourself more and get to the point that you do feel comfortable talking to a therapist.

 

I found counseling very helpful when I was first coming out to myself and my wife. My therapist wasn't phased by anything I said, and I figured it was going to be most useful therapy for me if I was not holding back anything. I needed weekly appointments in those first few months. Now, several months later, I'm in a new place and found a new counselor. Still helpful, but not as urgent -- we don't meet as often, for example.

 

If your therapist brings your sexuality up, he or she does it to help you. Perhaps you should take the help?

 

Interesting question. I haven't been able to get much help from therapy around the topic of sexuality. I'm not sure how a therapist helps with sexuality. I understand that sexuality no doubt comes from a lot of in-born traits/preferences, but when you feel you don't fit within the gay stereotypes or community and instead are much more in tune with straight people, then I'm not sure what therapy can do to change that. It almost feels like brainwashing or being a reeducation camp, which I naturally push against. Maybe someone who has found success can explain how therapy is supposed to make you want to be gay.

 

I don't fit a stereotype, and didn't go to counseling to change that at all. I just needed to unpack what was going on with me, and have useful questions or mirroring statements from a trained therapist to help me realize what it all added up to was my orientation is not straight. Counseling did not make me want to be different from me, or act stereotypically. Now I can decide what I want to do with this, and the great thing is the LGBTQ community that I've found here is at least as diverse as the straight community here, so no stereotypes or conversion necessary.

 

Hey confused mot sure you're age don't what to explore your sexuality like I did.trust it sucks maybe you are gay maybe you are something else it only matters if you waste half your life in denial.just saying that life is short my freind.

 

I think it helps you navigate your personal landscape and circumstances. It can. Your mileage may vary. Some therapists probably have really good insight and approaches to this and some may not have the best insight into how to handle this topic and it could be influenced by how they would navigate their own field. I don't think therapy will take you 100% of the way that a particular therapist may want you to go because you may already have a very strong core set of beliefs, attitudes, and values.

We are working on this right now. Did your therapist accept your sexuality or try to slot you into a category different from how you identify yourself? Did your therapist validate a bisexual orientation?

 

Then learn is all I'm saying better to live with knowledge than without.

 

I made sure I picked a therapist from the LGBT filtered list on the Psychology Today website. That way I knew the therapists welcomed LGBT clients. So yes, he was accepting.
He was less familiar with bisexuality, but gave me homework to find online or real life support for that, which seemed appropriate.

 

I saw an LGBTQ therapist and a non LGBTQ therapist. In my experience it is much better to go with the LGBT therapist if you can because they will really be able to empathise and properly understand what you are going through. Don't forget everything is completely confidential. It's the ideal space to open up about whatever is going on for you, which is completely free of any judgement. You don't need to open up immediately - build a relationship with them first so you feel you can trust them. It's also helpful to remember that pretty much everyone who identifies as LGBTQ has gone through exactly what you are going through. You are not alone.

 

Great post.

The two best therapists I've had were a single man in young middle age and a married man in his 60s.

The worst therapist I've had was a man in late middle age who had been married several times. I've written about how questionable his therapy was. The members of EC thought so as well.