Hi, I'm really frustrated because I can't figure out my gender. A little bit of backstory, I'm 18, and friends with 4 transguys, as well as at least 5 other guys (only online, I don't have any irl friends), and about 2 girls. I've went by female until like 2016 when I started going by he/him and the label 'genderfluid' because I felt like if this turned out to be all a mistake I could still go back to female. It felt really good at first but then I started doubting. I started switching a lot and my girlfriend at the time (also someone who switched pronouns often) was super understanding and said 'I'll just ask your for your pronouns everyday' and my best friend was very understanding too. So then it kind of stopped and I stuck on he/him. I started experimenting with new names and they were mostly all masculine. I tried out some girl names and she/her too later on. My friends were and still are the most supportive people ever about this. Now I've kind of figured out /when/ my gender changes. If I watch male youtubers, listen to songs with male pronouns, read books with males as protagonist, watch shows and my fav char is a male, etc, then my brain will go 'I want to be that! I want to look like that, sound like that, and just be that!' etc. And if I watch female youtubers, listen to songs with female pronouns, read books with females, watch shows with females, or just look up to any female at all I'll want to be female and relate to that again. Then I want to go by she/her again and ughhhh, it's so frustrating. I can just never choose. Going by they/them doesn't do anything for me since then I don't get to be either which sucks cause the problem is I can't. pick. I tend to get really obsessive when I like something. I either like it fully and think about it all the time, or I barely look at it. And when my interests change, so does the way I want to look/represent myself. And this happens A LOT. I'm one of those people that has ''original characters'' and a ''Persona'' (which is basically a fictional character that you create, that's supposed to represent you; or what you want to look like)' And I've changed my persona's look, gender, and name at least a thousand times. It's no problem for my friends at all but I hate it. I want to stick on one thing like they do. They can all keep one name (well, my best friend changes names, but at least he knows what he wants to be/look like, and he knows his gender). It's the worst. Why can't I just be normal that way too?? I want to be ONE THING and that's MYSELF, but I can't figure out who I am. I feel both at once but i don't know what to do about it. Anyone else got this problem??? How do you deal with it?? What should I do?? expression is such a fun and imporant thing for me but i just,,, can't
I have this exact problem. Sometimes I feel like a girl, and other times I feel like a guy. I don’t have a label for that yet and it makes me very uncomfortable. Is it genderfluid? No one in my family or friends knows about this because they would absolutely freak if they knew I was questioning my gender, so I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about this. You’re not alone
I think the problem for so many of us is that society places labels on everything. Gender norms are all created by society and honestly I think most people, if they knew/thought about it, are on a gender continuum rather than in a binary box. It's ok to feel male one day and female the next. It sounds like your gender identity is evolving and changing. Even if that's every day, it's normal and you aren't alone. You probably will hate to hear this, but you are very young. You are very normal in not knowing who you are yet. As hard as it is, let it flow as it will and you will find what you are comfortable in. Live on that gender wheel, and not in the boxes. It's totally normal to go back and forth daily on your identity. It's awesome you have supportive people in your life. I spent many years (i.e. 10 of them) trying to fit into the hetero female box. It sucked. Now I still identify as a lesbian female, but allow myself to dress and act in more of a way that society would label is male. So probably more oscillating towards the middle of two genders. Don't live in the labels. Let yourself explore. Let your identity take you where it will. This is a hard thing to do, but it will evolve. I wish you so luck
