This question has been wearing down at me for such a long time. I have been off and on about if I trans or not for over 2 years. I spend so much time questioning my gender, it gets in the way of other things. I can't imagine growing up and being Female for the rest of my life. I truly believe that I would be much happier as a male, now and later on in life. But, I'm scared that once, if ever, I start my transition I will end up regretting it. Also, my dysphoria is so confusing to me, I can't tell if it is really there, and I scared that I'm just making it up. When every I am sure about one type of dysphoria that I have, one I used to have seems to disappear. I'm currently stuck on wether I have top dysphoria, I can't stand wearing a shirt without binding, and when I imagine myself with a flat chest I think I am happier, but for some reason, my top dysphoria kind of goes away when I take my shirt off, I don't know if I hate my chest when I look in the mirror without a shirt on and it confuses the hell out of me. I'm getting scared that I'm not trans enough, I don't have enough dysphoria, and I that I don't act masc enough. I am also scared that people will think I too happy, to be trans and closeted. Everything is so confusing, and is killing me trying to figure it out. Living until the day I have figured this out and I am happy seems unimaginable to me. I don't know what to do. Even writing this, my brain is telling me if I transition I will regret it, but my brain also tells me that I hate myself and my body. Nothing makes sense.
I used to describe myself as a "gay man trapped in a woman's body" before I could make sense of it all. There is a happy medium, but what that looks like is going to be entirely up to you. It can be as simple as dressing androgynous, leaving hair on your pits and wearing bras that don't have padding and wires. Sometimes, it's nice to feel like a fancy lad, even if that looks... female. You'll find yourself, but you need to be patient and, try not to worry about it so much. It is REALLY easy to get anxiety about this, and circular logic and panic can throw an otherwise beautiful development into a nasty whirlwind. Work to reach some inner peace, regardless of what you might be, and give yourself some skills for calming down your mind and dealing with stress. You are human. No matter what you decide, that won't change. All humans deserve peace and should exercise giving yourself that in healthy ways. Modern life is complicated. Cut your gender identity some slack and just be gray for a while.
I think you are trans but to make sure you should have people call you by male pronouns and dress in mens clothes
Sounds like my life story on paper, I’ve had very similar experiences to you, except I’m mtf. I’d say you are trans but you shouldn’t listen to what I think at all. At the end of the day the only person who can tell you if you’re trans is you. Don’t be afraid, people will always hate trans people, they don’t know you and they shouldn’t ave anything to say on how you feel. If you’re wondering about regretting transitioning remember that only a very small percentage of trans people actually detransition. To me it’s a very hard choice between two evils: either come out and have people bully you and harass you for being yourself, or stay closested and let gender dysphoria kill you slowly. I know which one I consider the lesser evil. Good luck, stay safe. Peace.
I've actually gone through this myself, though keep in mind, I am a nonbinary trans guy. (To give a better image, I'm about 60-90% male, it tends to vary.) I've had a lot of chest dysphoria pretty similar to your's; I want a flat chest, but it's not bugging me every moment of the day. Some days I'll take off my shirt and I'll be comfortable. But it's only because I can't do anything about my chest at the moment. My parents won't let me get a binder, (they think it's too """dangerous"""), so I bind using compressive sports bras. I won't be getting top surgery any time soon, either. So I feel comfortable where I am, because there's nothing I can do. But I still want to transition; I'Il take testosterone, I'll get a real binder, I'll change my name, I'll get top surgery. But since I can't now, I make due with what I have. And I'm comfortable with where I am now. So it's not so much as how uncomfortable you are now, it's how much more comfortable you could be.
Yes, you are trans, and you should absolutely go to an informed consent clinic if you can. I very much relate to the fear of gatekeeping, and it pains me to see what we've done to one another as a trans community with transmedicalist narratives.
You do sound to be trans, but only you know how you feel, I don't think there is a classification to be trans enough personally, and if you're more comfortable that way, then you do it, don't let other people stop you!
