Starting to crush on my close friend :(

So basically, I have this friend. At this point in my life, I'd say she's one of my closest friends. We went to high school together and now college and we're better friends now than we were then. And she's wonderful, probably as close to perfect as someone can be. She's a loyal friend, excellent listener and advice giver. Quiet but super cool once you know her, very open minded, smart and she's gorgeous. So for MONTHS I've been telling her about this girl I have a crush on, going on and on about how perfect she is, and telling my friend how she and my crush would be good friends if they met because they're so similar. So now it's obvious where this is going haha.

I'm really trying to completely get over my crush because she's happily seeing someone, and I'm getting there. And recently it just occurred to me just how similar my crush and my friend are. I have been thinking of my friend in a romantic way and I think we could be great together if we gave it a shot. We care about each other a lot, obviously know each other really well and trust each other. There's only one problem. Despite knowing her so well, I don't know what her sexual orientation is.

It seems to be a choice on her part not to talk about it. I've shared so much with her but she hasn't done the same. So of course I'm not going to force her to say anything she's not ready to say. I just wish I knew, but she's so tight lipped about that stuff. Sometimes I suspect she might still be questioning herself, which is understandable because I'm still figuring myself out too. All she ever says is "the people who I like never like me back". She's talked about a few guys who have liked her but she's never mentioned a single person she's liked. It makes me suspect she might be interested in women but I don't trust my own judgment anymore because I read the signs from my crush so wrong.

I just usually never crush on close friends and I don't enjoy it because it just makes me feel so awkward. I'm just feeling very frustrated lately never having seriously dated or had any good sexual experiences at this age, I feel like a complete loser. I'm confused again lately because I'm not sure I want to date guys even though I think they're physically attractive, which just makes me double frustrated that I can't figure myself out. I don't even know what advice I'm looking for, I'm a mess and I wish I could control my feelings better lol.

 

Yeah I don’t think “could you see yourself dating a girl?” would go over too badly honestly. I was thinking I could preface it sort of by saying “you don’t have to answer if you don’t feel comfortable, but...”

I just feel like no matter what I say it’s gonna sound awkward. but she’s really laid back and knows I respect her so I doubt she would get really offended if I ask that question. Maybe it’ll be safer just to start with asking if there’s anyone she’s interested in lately.

I don’t want to really force anything or get ahead of myself like I did with my last crush. I was imagining all the cute stuff we would do together and all that before I found out she was taken. Yikes haha. I’m just gonna keep hanging out with my friend and hope she feels comfortable enough to give me some insight on whether this might be possible or not.

 

I’m sorry to hear you haven’t been able to shake that feeling of regret that you didn’t take your chance. I can definitely feel your pain there, I actually felt like parts of your post could have been written by me about my previous crush.

I liked her for a long time and really wanted to ask her out, but I was afraid of ruining our newly growing friendship. But the thing is, that girl is so nice that I think even if I had asked her out and she rejected me, it wouldn’t have been bad. She wouldn’t have run and told people we know, or been grossed out or anything. She would have let me down really easy and I still was too afraid to try, just because I’ve honestly never asked someone that before.


With this close friend I like now, I really think I have nothing to lose. I can almost see myself being able to play it off as a joke if I suggest we go on a date and she freaks out hahaha. But I will definitely start more slowly, making sure she’s into women and would be interested in a romantic relationship with one, etc.

I wish you luck too!! I love this forum, you guys are all so supportive. I feel your pain because I really thought my last crush was the absolute perfect match for me. I hope you’re able to move on and find someone and when you do, you’re not afraid to pursue them!