I have surrounded myself with good people. At 56 I now have more and deeper friendships. And some long term ones where my friends would do almost anything for me. I have no room for being treated bad by those that say they love me or care about me. Actions speak louder than words, and the excuses and promises never come to light. I think this just happened naturally over time. I kept those that treated me well and got rid of those that did not.
I'm 56 as well - at least for another couple weeks! You likely treated people well, too; good people give up eventually if they are not treated well. Having an entourage of good people often reflects as well on you as it does on them. I can be very outgoing, but I'm very introverted and have very few people that I am close to. That's really by choice; I'm not very comfortable in social situations and have never developed the skill of reaching out to strangers and really understanding and processing the feedback I get. Despite that, I do have my whacked out entourage. My daughters are a joy; my oldest is as socially awkward as I am, but her sister is much more open and manages to network at an unbelievable pace. Both of them are utterly accepting of me and my partner, and have brought him to tears with the level of affection they show him. My church friends are mostly more casual friendships, but I have yet to be rejected by any of them for being gay, and it's had no effect on how we related. (My former choir director is more like a big sister, and the 85-year-old former organist is like a beloved and rather raunchy old aunt, and I love them both like crazy.) My ex-wife, selfish and difficult and infuriating as she can be, is still someone I can reach out to if I feel lonely, and even though she is utterly insensitive of any of my feelings, she still talks (and talks and talks and talksandtalks) to me much the same as she ever did, but it's much more acceptable from a casual acquaintance than it was from someone I wanted as a loving life partner. And then of course there's my guy, who puts up with the endless phone calls and my trips to church for music gigs, and my children's band concerts (often sitting with my chatty ex-mother-in-law) and trips back and forth from college 13 hours away, stories of my family and youth that are often as endless and goofy as any of Rose;s St. Olaf stories on The Golden Girls, and tells me that the absurdity of our life together, and how I have amassed all these crazy people despite being so introverted, is what he loves about me. I think we can be as happy as we allow ourselves to be; a work acquaintance of mine is a lesbian who has been out 35 years, and I often think I'm way more secure than she is, because she is forever annoyed and controlling and judgmental about something or other, whereas I just deal with it. Being at peace with who you are is a rare gift. Enjoy it!
I thought some people would have been in my life longer but it was not so. But the ones that are in my life I knew they loved and cared about me. One Friend Kerry has been a loving friend since 1981. I also have Julie as a friend since 1978, I have and have had many great people in my life. I can say now for certain I have more friends that love me for who I am now than ever and a few have known me most of my life. Sometimes I wonder how did I get to be 56? And I also know I have had fun so far and plan on having fun the rest of my life as well. Love is a force that is hard to explain and hard to always understand. But it is real.
I think you are in a good place, philosophically. You've surrounded yourself with good people. When it comes to love, actions DO speak louder than words. I ask myself how I got to be almost 70, so I understand what you are saying... yet I just wanted to tell you-- I think you're doing it right. Keep on keepin on.
Thank you So much. I am in a good place and love is all around me. I have 4 grand kids and one on the way that help me feel loved each day.
Yeah, WTF? How'd that happen? At approximately 60, I find myself thinking I'd better not waste any time, and really be the person I need to be.
@TrevinMichael , you are an inspiration and I love being on EC with you! Reading your opening post on this thread, I wanted to ask you, How did you do it? I have lots of casual acquaintances at work, and I have a few neighbors that I especially enjoy talking with, but I am utterly lacking a sense of belonging to any group other than my family. You wrote that for you it just happened naturally over time. Do you have any pointers on how to let it happen? Hugs- =Sevn
I am part of a non profit that helps me go through an initiation training and over time it built up a community for me. ManKind Project actually started in WI over 30 years ago. It has grown into a huge non profit internationally. They also have Rainbow warriors who are GBTQ members who also offer trainings staffed by GBTQ men for GBTQ men. I think I am just a likable guy Sevn. Over time I just kept going forward and kept being me. I had to kiss a lot of frogs to get where I am. It was not always easy. But that just helped me meet men and connect. After my first divorce and I loved my wife a lot, I stayed in this non profit since 1995. But how I did this is being me and being real. I am just a very loving man and have built a family and community around me. My current wife is great. I love her and she loves me back. She just wants me to be happy, and she will stay part of my happiness. I am doing what I need to for me and my family to be real and authentic. I have learned so much from my male friends. I finally got to where I need to be. Hugs!
Being an open person helps. I was a very closed book until I came out and now I have closer relationships with my friends. Gained new ones in the LGBT community too. I feel a happiness that's been missing all my life.... it's like wow, I hold my head up with pride. I too enjoy this thread ...I'm 43 and been given a second chance....
