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Bi Problems?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Sweldon, Oct 25, 2018.

  1. Sweldon

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    I have no idea where to post this so I hope i'm in the right spot.

    I have suspected I was bi since I was around 14 or so, after I discovered the word and what it meant. When I was 15 I had a major crush on one of my female friends that went on and off over the span of 4 years, but when I did crush on her it was intense feelings of wanting to kiss her and hold her hand, etc. Since then I had about 3-4 other crushes on girls that never went anywhere. Also, Throughout the time period between 14 and now (I'm 20 at the time I'm posting this), I have had 6 serious relationships (including the one I'm in now) that are am with a man, but never had a girlfriend.

    My boyfriend right now is everything I could ever ask for in a person. He understands me better than anyone else, we have a picture perfect relationship, and I'm in love. I never want to let him go because I know that no matter what I'll never find somebody else like him. He came at a time of my life just shortly after I came out of the closet to the people I was terrified to coming out to. He was the first person I've dated since I've been out, and I came out to him very early in our relationship so that he could back out in case he had an issue with it.

    The only issue is, I've never been able to experiment with my sexuality what-so-ever. I know I'm bi because I know that back in the time I was in love with that one girl, I would've kissed her in a heartbeat if she wanted me to. There's a part of me that just wants to kiss a girl that I find some interest in. I have a crush on a completely different girl, and my boyfriend said he was okay if I wanted to experiment with a girl- especially the girl I currently like- as long as I talk to him about it in advance.

    The issue is, I want to experiment. At the same time, I would identify myself as a monogamist. I have polyamorous tendencies, but I prefer monogamous relationships because I think having a serious relationship with more than one person gets complicated. I don't want to cheat on my boyfriend, and i don't want to break up with him for the girl I want to experiment with. At the same time I keep fantasizing about playing truth or dare with this girl just so I can get a kiss out of the way and be over with it.

    I feel very weird for feeling this way. I was wondering if anyone else relates. What do you think I should do? Before anyone asks, in no way do I intend to act on his fantasy without either my boyfriend nor the girl in question's permission, and I am not considering breaking up with my boyfriend or being in a polyamorous relationship.
     
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  2. Love4Ever

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    Well, since he said he's okay with it then it's really up to you. If you are okay taking that chance whatever happens. As long as you are upfront with the girl about not wanting a relationship then I think it's fine. I mean, if I had a friend or knew a girl who wanted to try it I would let her kiss me if she wanted. Though where I'm living that isn't likely to happen.
     
  3. UMedusa

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    That is a tough situation to be in.
    You have to consider what he is willing to risk by encouraging you to step out and what he will feel if you do.
    You really need to consider her emotions and what experimenting might do to her. One of the worst stigmas bisexuals face in dating is not being lumped in people casually experimenting with homosexual eroticism, but having little or no intention of committing to a romantic relationship, or letting go of the "other" mate.
    As for yourself, tread carefully. You have an attachment to the concept of monogamy and guilt will have an impact on you as well.
    Tough situation. Follow your heart. It isn't easy.

    Straight or otherwise, when you want to see other people, it is cleaner for everyone to have the "lets just be friends" talk and go from there.
     
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  4. Love4Ever

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    I agree. You do need to realize that complications can arise from this. You might be confronted with feelings stronger and different than you expect to feel.
     
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  5. Lin1

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    I agree with all the above, always be honest with everyone involved, especially the girl you will be experimenting with (as there is nothing worst than being used as an experiment when being told otherwise) if you are honest things are more likely to unfold the way you would want them to.

    You might also want to have a chat with your boyfriend about how he feels about the risk of you potentially catching feelings for someone else and how he would deal with it. Lots of guys give their consent because they are either thinking of a potential threesome down the line or because they don't see women as a threat (which is problematic as it means they don't take female same-sex relationships seriously and probably would mean that your boyfriend doesn't fully grasp the concept of bisexuality).

    Good luck and enjoy exploring!
     
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