So I first posted on here 4 years ago as I was almost at breaking point. I started to come out and gradually it was getting around. No bad reactions. Great, all was looking positive. I then took the leap to tell my mother. She had asked the question whilst we’d been talking and I wasn’t expecting to come out but I did - as Bi. She was surprised and didn’t say all to much except the sort of are you sure etc… Now she was one of the people I wasn’t overly concerned about coming out to. However the day after, I received texts saying she couldn’t accept it and maybe we should’t talk for a while. After a couple of weeks she came round and we never spoke of it again. This hurt. ALOT. What I didn't get is that she'd asked me a long time ago as I didn't really have many long term girlfriends, i denied it as I was no where near ready, but said it wouldn't matter if I was. I don't know if that's because I show none of the 'stereotypical camp' traits, so when I actually said yeah, it took her by surprise, or if her reaction was from her being worried about her image from her circle and family. I'm still very close with her, and the 'night' has never been revisited, but she's resorted from 'partner' back to 'girlfriend'. I then proceeded to slowly re-closet myself and hide all those emotions. This was a few years ago. At the time 4 years ago I was pretty sure I was gay and scared to admit it. I came out as Bi because that’s what fit me best. I’ve since had a girlfriend for well over a year and that ended as it was too overbearing. I then read Love, Simon (Simon vs The Homosapiens Agenda)(Amazing book) and it just bought all these repressed feelings back out. Except now I really don’t know how I feel. I don’t know if i’ve wasted the last few years not trying a relationship with a guy to find out if more attracted to them romantically. Now it seems like i’ve just been putting stuff off for the last 6 years and not trying to actually work out what makes me happy. However, I feel that Bi fits me better now than it did then, which in a way is good. Plus i'm nowhere near as depressed as I was 4 years ago, but i'm worried that I could start spiralling down that route again.
Hi Bren. Your post really resonated with me, at least in part because watching Love Simon was the start of my current intense and so far unending serious questioning of myself. I am just guessing but I think I'm probably a bit further along in life than you. I'm 42, married, with kids. And so if I were to give you advice it would be to not make the same mistake that I and many others make. If you have these feelings but think you'll spend the rest of your life wondering what they mean (and if you are single), maybe try it out meeting and being with a guy and see how it makes you feel. That's been what I've been thinking lately - that I wish I had given it a shot long ago before I was married so I would at least know. Doing this wouldn't help much with the communications with your mother but it could help you figure out the real you. Hope that helps.
About 5 years ago I came out to my mother as bisexual. She couldn't help but share the news with my godmother who is homophobic and her panic with their irrationality combined to crazy levels, especially after I announced that I'd like to go to the annual Pride event. Basically I had never seen my mother more desperate for her daughter to not go somewhere. The day I was going to go to the Pride she pretty much begged me not to go, as if I would go to war, it was that intense. After that, I kind of kept quiet, dated a few guys but hated it. It took me a while and finally this year realized I've just been gay all along. I told my mother and now she thinks I'm bi, whereas before she acted as if I was straight. It's weird because she discourages me from getting close to any girl when I mention anything. It's like she's closely monitoring me so I won't start actually living openly as a gay woman. Some days she is more tolerant and says I'm her child and loves me either way. But yeah, I'm out to her and sometimes it's crappy. I regret coming out to her as bisexual at first. I think I should have waited, but again if I held it in it might have been a lot worse for me.
