I realize how much energy I consumed trying to fight or ignore my sexuality. I feel like with accepting it that I am able to be 'me' and and I have new found energy to want to socialize and pursue romance...now I realize how totally uninterested I really was in women... Once I took an honest look at my feelings it became pretty hard to deny it - I had this "lighting moment" when I imagined coming home to someone and kissing them and saying I love you... I saw myself with a man... I woke up this morning and I realized I felt really good about being gay.
That is so cool. Congratulations.. Acceptance is the KEY that unlocks the door to being oneself. Once the realization is there. Then your free to be who and what your meant to be..
Thanks! When I think what it would be like to have boyfriend it just feels so good... I am like, how can I deny this? I know I still have a way to go- not an hour goes by when I realize all the ways I deceived myself to remain in denial... I also realize that I was doing a lot of indirect things and avoiding interests and things I like because I was scared they were 'gay'. I even feel like I want to start dressing differently. I also am beginning to feel excited about coming out to some close friends, its like a wonderful surprise I want to share..
I'm really pleased that you are finding yourself. Now that you accept it, it's easier to move forward. Yeah not everyone is comfortable with it BUT it's your life and your now be happier . Congratulations....
So happy for you.. It so true how amazingly good it feels. Once we total embrace it and act on it. Doing so made all the difference for me. & I'm sure it will for you too. ENJOY YOURSELF
Yes! all i was doing before is fighting myself or denying feelings.. accepting and wanting to embrace these feelings changes everything. Yes I have to act -not sex right away but the need to start living as a gay man.
I had gay relationship in teens for a few yrs, then married and kids, now accepting I'm gay . I'm happy on my own for now. But looking to the future. Just to cuddle up to a guy while sleeping, the thought of this makes me really happy.... to feel safe, secure and to hold him tight....
Yes! Just the thought of going on a first date, a first kiss makes me giddy! I never felt this way about women.. the last few days it occurred to me "This must be how straight people feel about dating the opposite sex".
Yeah I'm sure your right . I enjoyed it in my teens but felt guilty as no-one knew I was gay. I've made a few friends in my local LGBT. I suppose I'm looking for acceptance . Everyone at the group's have been very friendly. Yeah I've forgotten what it was like kissing a guy as it was years ago. I enjoy looking at the guys while I'm busy working and out and about. Plenty of eye candy. Like you I just feel happy....free and empowered.
I vividly recall the first time I was intimate with the man that would become my BF. I could not believe how wonderfully erotic sensual and pleasurable it was. Absolutely no comparison to being with a woman. I know right then and there this is what I had been searching for. I thought hetero sex was enjoyable because I had nothing to compare it with. Once I did it was no contest. I love being gay. Happiest and most fulfilled I have ever been. Wonderfully freeing!
I haven't had sex with a man yet, but just thinking about it seems more stimulating then when I had sex with women. But since accepting myself, it seems like sex is only part of it, I get excited about the idea of having a boyfriend and just snuggling on the couch... I never let my mind go there before... I know I have a long way to go to full acceptance, but allowing myself to envision that kind of future makes me want to move forward.
It's exciting happy times... I have kids so I need to consider them too.... I just want this year to end and start afresh... Not long now.
OMG, I feel the exact same way! I started questioning myself 6 months ago and I was so confused. Someone on this channel wisely suggested to simply take time to accept myself as a gay man and that's what I did. Just like you, I don't have doubts anymore and I keep revisiting my past thinking "Oh man, this makes sense now". Simple stuff like: No women was ever good enough for me, unless they were unavailable - Man did I suffer in college, "falling madly in love" with girls I could never have while having absolutely no interest for girls interested in me. Or falling in love with a girl just after one of my friends started dating her. I always felt different - hell, I even found a comment from one of my preschool teacher saying I preferred playing with girls. II never understood celebrity crushes other hetero man had - In fact, if I try to remember sexy characters from TV shows, I can only remember male ones. Since I love pink and flowery stuff, the only solution I found to not look gay or do gay stuff was to have no style and listen to heavy metal only. I'm still struggling with this one since I'm not out yet but I secretly listen to Mika and Lady Gaga. I also shop at Simons. What I find weird is I don't remember having to suppress desire for another man. Probably because of denial - this shit can be pretty strong. Now that I think about it though, I do remember having a bit too much fun fake-flirting with other gay men I was working with. Not sure when I'm gonna come out yet. At first I thought I would have to test with another man before knowing if I'm really gay but I don't think it's required anymore - I am gay.
I hope it all works out for you eventually, I really do.... I'm now considering move out and I find this quite daunting....
You have taken the first most important step in your sexual liberation. Finally coming to terms with and admitting your gay is the so important. Your doubts will slowly disappear as you embrace the idea you are attracted to men. More and more the idea of being in a same sex relationship becomes an almost intoxicating thought that you must pursue. In time any interest in women fades to non-existence which you will find liberating.When you find that person it all makes sense, years of denial fade away as you finally embrace your homosexuality. Please keep moving forward, it is very worth everything you will go through.
Thanks for the encouragement, it helps. It has been a lonely process so far. I might have been living a lie but I never had to actually lie about that stuff before and it's becoming annoying. Sorry for the rawness of the image but it feels like I'm trying to hold a shit that I know will haaaaaave to come out at some point. It will probably hurt during the first seconds but the relief will be instantaneous.
I have viewed some properties and just waiting for the references and finance checks to go through, scarey and no going back now..
