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I Kind of regret coming out to my mother

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by FrazzHare, Sep 9, 2018.

  1. FrazzHare

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    Lil backstory: I am a young, depressed, gray-asexual woman with a long distance girlfriend.

    Around July, I went out with a few friends, all of them knew about my new relationship and were really supportive since a lot of them are also LGBT. I must have ate something really bad because that night I felt very sick and could not sleep.
    I cannot tell the difference between being really ill or having a panic attack, since the physical symptoms are similar.
    At first I thought I was panicking because of something that happened earlier that night, or that I was scared because I had not told my mum that I was in a new relationship, and that I wasn't straight.

    So while my mum was taking care of me, I told her that I had a girlfriend. She responded better than I expected, since I was afraid that she would kick me out of the house. I asked her if she was disappointed and she said she was. She also said that because I'm in a long distance relationship, that it was just a phase, even though I had my 'oh I'm not straight' moment a few years prior.

    We agreed not to tell my dad yet until I was ready to tell him, which I don't think I ever will be, considering how coming out to my mum went.

    Since then, we haven't mentioned it. But I feel on edge all of the time. I feel as though one day she is going to turn around and kick me out, or worse yet, tell everyone she knows. I thought I would give her some time to take it in and then come back to the subject at a later date, but I'm too afraid to. I have flashbacks to when I came out and I feel horrified that I told my mum that way.

    I honestly haven't felt safe in my own home for a long time, but I can't leave since I haven't got a job or a place of my own. I don't know what to do. I'm scared she's going to stop loving me and that we are drifting apart and it would have been my fault

    (Also sorry if I posted this in the wrong place, this is my first time using a forum site)
     
  2. DreamerAsh

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    Firstly, it isn't your fault. She's your mom, she's supposed to know about your life. You had no way of knowing how she would react. Don't blame yourself. Be strong. Sometimes things change and get better. Try to maintain a relationship with her, but don't confront her.

    It sounds like she hasn't truly accepted you, she's in denial, and she probably will be until she sees you with your girlfriend, in person. That's the sad truth..parents look for excuses. My mom personally believes I'm not trans, I'm just confused, bcuz I have lgbt friends and bcuz I'm on the internet a lot. My trans self must be a result of a learned trait. All you can do is show her, that this isn't a phase, it's who you are, permanent. Trust yourself and make arrangements for a place to go, if she does kick you out. But, your safety is most important, be careful.
     
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  3. FrazzHare

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    Thank you so much. I really don't know what else to see what else to say but that really made me feel better.
    At least we both know that it is not a phase
     
  4. Love4Ever

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    I disagree that you should regret it. It sounds like you tried really hard to be honest with her. Which is great. She may not get it at first but I definitely think it's great you tried.
     
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  5. FrazzHare

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    Thank you so much. Sorry for not replying sooner but thank you, that makes me feel a little better about how I came out
     
  6. MilesX2984

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    Your not alone. At first I was was trying to figure out who I was and what I liked. I had a girl celebrity crush once and me and my family were watching the show she was in and I kept saying how beautiful she was and how much I love her acting and I uncle grabbed me aggressively and took me to another room and told me “to knock that shit off” and he kept in that room because he thought I would “get out of control” and when I struggled with my identity. I knew I like all genders but I was questioning myself a lot until I found out I’m trans. I’ve been told that It’s a phase all the time. It’s of course horrible because it’s not. You know who you are and being told it’s not real sucks.