I am a 21 year old male in college. I have questioned my sexuality since I was 11, but began to fully acknowledge that I had these feelings at the age of 14. I am most likely bisexual. But a lot of people don't believe in bisexuality. I go to a pretty accepting university, but I still feel awkward telling people. I am not out to my parents, siblings, extended family, former co-workers, close friends, and acquaintances. I still have some internalized discomfort with some of my same-sex feelings, but not with my opposite-sex feelings. My parents, siblings, and extended family do not know of my possible sexuality and I don't think they will hate or act homophobic. But I still feel awkward telling them. I think I'll come out when I am completely on my own financially with my own place. The reason why I won't come out is because I feel like it will lead to awkward energy around certain people. I manage to cope very well with hiding my sexuality. But sometimes, I feel like a shitty/crappy person for not telling people. There's some small guilt with not telling the truth. But I still feel comfortable talking about the opposite sex (females). So, am I wrong for not telling people? Am I crappy for not coming out to certain people?
Hello Coming out isnt easy, have you had any same sex relationships? It has to be in your own time and at your own pace. I have told some family members, not others, some friends and work colleagues BUT there are people I am uncomfortable sharing it with . It's a journey and you have alot of time on your side .. Rade
Everyone needs to find their own comfort level. The one thing I will say is that I came out about the age you are now and, despite it having been over twenty-five years ago and despite having grown up in a deeply religious setting where I don't feel it was unreasonable to fear the repercussions of coming out, my greatest regret in life is that I didn't have more faith in the people around me sooner.
I feel this may affect your perception of how other people might react. Once I had worked on my own discomfort I started to know how open to be with other people. (That's not very open at the moment, but mostly because of distractions, not because I have anything to hide.)
It's your sexuality, it's entirely up to you who you share it with. If you don't feel entirely comfortable within yourself when it comes to same sex attractions, then there's not much point in telling others yet because then you'll be dealing with their reactions whilst dealing with your own thoughts and feelings. Wait until a time when your feelings are a bit more positive.
There's no rulebook you have to follow on this. You come out when you feel ready, and not a moment before. I think that once you deal with the discomfort/shame you feel about being attracted to men, you'll feel better about coming out. There is no deadline, and no, not coming out yet doesn't make you a bad person. Give yourself the time you need to come to term with everything, then decide if/who/when to tell. No rush.
