I'm sorry that I keep making so many threads, I just don't know where else to turn to. I've posted before that my dad can use homophobic slurs on occasion. However, last night, it escalated to him saying that a man having a husband is "disgusting" and "not right". I am 16 and will be 17 next month. Leaving school next year and plan to move out but may still be under financial support. But I don't want to continue in the closet, so is there really any way I can maintain a relationship with him?
Joe2001, you can post all the threads that you want, the purpose of this forum is for people like us to pour their hearts out, because even just talking about your problems can make it better, even if just a little bit. In regards to how you can deal with your dad, I'm afraid that I don't have any experience in that department, especially since I myself am a complete closet case, but for special reasons. However, if you want to come out to your parents, then maybe this will help: 1) Wait till you are at least out of the house and semi dependent. 2) don't just blurt out out, try to approach them with the upmost caution. 3) Give your parents clues that you are struggling, but don't tell them why. 4) when your dad makes a homophobic comment, ask him why he feels that way. That will help you a lot during the process of coming out, so you'll know how to calm your dad's fears. I hope this helps, but in the end no two parents are the same, and no one knows your parents better than you. Try to figure out what's the best approach that could work for them. And if you feel that it's best not to say anything until you are completely independent, then that's ok too, but you have to talk to someone about this, otherwise you'll just bottle it all up, and believe that can do a lot of damage.
Moving out for school or just moving out in general? A bit from experience and a little bit of optimism: *I thought it would be a lot harder to be out everybody except my family, but it was surprisingly easy besides a few times. Especially if you're going to school and out at school then you can practice coming out to people that are likely to be open-minded and build a support system. My dad was the very last person I came out to, but I couldn't have done it if I didn't have my brother to help me out with it, and couldn't have come out to my brother if I didn't have my friends. * Being optimistic, but people can say a lot of terrible things about a very general group of people, but it is more difficult to say those things about a specific person, let alone about your son. My dad has said homophobic stuff, and I'm sure he isn't overjoyed about me being gay. But like any decent parent he just wants me to be happy, and I'm sure your dad does too.
Sorry about your situation. What age could I potentially be independent at? I've tried some of the points you said, but he still makes those comments anyway, and seems to be stuck in a bigoted mindset that it "isn't right".
Probably moving out for further education, which may be funded by him. I would rather be financially independent if at all possible. Not came out at school officially because I don't really have anyone to tell there. If I went around random people saying it, then I would just look attention seeking. Unsure as to who to come out to in order to build a support network but I do buy your point about that, He does sometimes direct it to certain people. Earlier on, he was having a major debate with my sister about gay makeup artist James Charles and he highly objected to JC and his lifestyle.
What is the solution to my issue as I am in a catch 22 situation. I want to be me, but he won't accept me as a gay guy who isn't afraid to be a bit different to the stereotypical male.
