Hello all! I have been debating whether I’m female or non-binary. I’m afab btw. I feel like I lean somewhere in between male and female. Neither titles really feel right to me. But, some days I feel like I lean toward female. Others, I feel more masculine. This has me very confused. Do you guys have any advice about how to find who I am?
Also, I’ve been considering changing my name, or at least what my friends call me, if I figure out whether I’m non-binary. And, if that’s the case, idk for sure what I’d even want to be called. I’ve been looking up androgynous names. I found a couple that interest me, but do any of you have any suggestions? (The names that I have been considering are Parker and Blake but I’m open to new suggestions. I don’t really know that many unisex names tbh.)
What made you start questioning in the first place? Have you always felt like you were in an in-between state? Do you feel like you should be “male”, or do you just feel masculine at times? What did strike me as interesting, is that you said “...some days I feel like I lean toward female. Others, I feel more masculine.” Not "male". You don’t have to be feminine to be female, and you don’t have to be masculine to be male. If you prefer to wear men’s clothes or just present in a masculine manner, that’s fine. You do you. This sounds more like expression than identity. You haven’t given much to go on, but if you are questioning yourself. My best advice would be to experiment. Experiment with names, pronouns, clothes and/or hair. Also, stereotypes don’t make a person. You can be a masculine female or a feminine man. It can be hard to disassociate expression from identity. How do you want people to see you? Are you uncomfortable identifying as female? Why do you think you're Non-Binary? This can be a tough question to answer when you are questioning, which is why experimenting is a great way to know how you feel towards certain things. If you do decide to change your expression, it may feel good at first, though I’d give it a couple months or so since it is new and different. How do you see yourself in 10/20/30+ years? Does your name make you uncomfortable when you hear it? If you want to go by a different name, try it out and see what you like/if you like it. It can be quite intimidating when you first start questioning yourself. Take it slow, and if you are questioning yourself, change the small things first. Start with your wardrobe, then maybe get a shorter haircut if you choose to go that direction. Also, don’t put too much emphasis onto labels. Don’t try and conform to the label, do what makes you feel comfortable. If you are questioning, I do recommend seeing a gender therapist to help you sort out some of these thoughts.
I didn’t even realize that I said “masculine” instead of “male.” Whoops! And, actually, I think that sources from my homophobic upbringing. I never really let myself think about any of this and suppressed myself until about senior year of High School. So, maybe that’s a subconscious thing. Or maybe I’m over-thinking this. That very well could be too. And, as to your first two questions, I guess I kinda answered the first one. I made myself into a cookie cutter growing up. So, I suppressed my crushes on girls and my like for boy’s clothes/toys/etc. Although, I always knew they were there. I wouldn’t say that I always thought of myself as a boy. I thought I was a girl that just liked guy things. Which, I do understand is okay too. A woman can like to be more masculine in presentation. And men can like to be more feminine in presentation. That doesn’t change their gender. But, I’m still trying to decide where I stand. Hopefully, answering these questions and doing as you suggest can help! Idk how to even put how I feel about my body to words. I look at my chest and curvy body and... idk. I just don’t like it. I wish I was more androgynous. My body doesn’t match what’s inside my head. In my head, I’m just me. Not necessarily male or female. Just who I am... Even though I don’t neccessarily understand who that is yet. And I want people to see me as me, not as a specific gender. Not that gender hides who a person is, but it definitely contributes to the first impressions that a person gets when meeting someone. I think I may be non-binary just because of what I mentioned earlier. I don’t feel male, but not female either. Just kinda somewhere in between. But, couldn’t that also be considered genderqueer? Even though I can’t now, because my parents won’t let me cut my hair, in 10/20/30+ years, I see myself having short hair, wearing some sort of professional suit and tie, working as a writer/journalist. I’ll probably have a piercing or two (my parents won’t let me do that either as long as I live with them; they’re rather strict). Or maybe I’ll be a therapist (I’m still trying to find my career path ). And I’d be wearing semi-formal clothes, like a collared button-up shirt and some slacks. And as far as my name, I think I’d prefer a more unisex name, like Blake or Parker. When I hear “Estelle,” I hear “girl.” And that makes me a bit uncomfortable. Anyway, that seems to answer the questions. Thank you. I really need to challenge myself and experiement with things. And take my time in deciding. Rome wasn’t built overnight, after all.
Non-Binary and Genderqueer are very similar if not the same, it just depends on what a person prefers to use, and it can mean something different to each person who uses it. Non-Binary is essentially a newer term for genderqueer, as “queer” has (had) some negative connotations. This is all expression. This doesn’t define a person or their gender. If wearing masculine or men’s clothing helps your confidence. Again, don’t put too much emphasis on labels or try and conform to a label. Do what makes you comfortable and forget the labels at the moment. How do you want people to see you? (I don’t care about expression, you can express yourself however you like. Expression doesn’t change gender). Expression is the exterior and gender is the interior. Again, if you are questioning yourself, I’d recommend seeing a gender therapist.
Why does labelling yourself matter? You can say, I'm this, im that. End of the day no matter what you choose it dosnt matter you will be you and that won't change.
