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Married, kids, bisexual, depressed

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Jggates, Aug 1, 2018.

  1. IanMkh

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    @whattodo1 - I’m recently out to my parents and my sister. My counselor, obviously. That’s it. I don’t have anyone else that I consider mine and it’s too risky to involve friends we share. I’m terribly lonely.
     
  2. Matty303

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    Hi was just reading through and I recently told my wife about me finding men attractive. It was a roller coaster of a night. I don't believe I have any tears left in me and it's been days. But I also told my best friend which is a guy. It was making me very depressed and everyone around me could see it and I was hating myself and afraid they would both hate me and they are very important to me. They both listened seperatly of course and said they will be here for me. Has anyone came out to their wife and the relationship work out. And how did you put feeling to the side. Not mention I have not actually ever been with a guy but do wish I would have experienced being with one as an adult. I hate myself for not coming to terms with my sexuality before starting a life.
     
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  3. Rade

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    I wanted mine to work out. I hoped she would consider a threesome, allowing another guy to join us or an open relationship. But no it wasn't to be.
    I'm sure there are guys in the forum who have stayed with their wives. Either because they don't want to explore their sexuality. Or their wives have been open,let them explore etc. It does work for some....
     
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  4. Jakebusman

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    What you think is the best way talk about being bisexual to my wife
     
  5. Rade

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    I just told her I'm bisexual. If your wife is open minded it might not be the end of your marriage. If you come out it's a chance you have to take. But you will feel free . You first need to be comfortable being bi.
     
  6. Jakebusman

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    What you mean ?
     
  7. Jggates

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    I've been struggling with this too. But one thing that has stuck with me from this thread was "give yourself a break."

    My younger self did what he had to do. It was a different world back then. Forgiving myself is probably half the battle.
     
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  8. Jggates

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    It is a lonely place carrying this secret. But it seems we are not completely alone after all - there are an awful lot of us in the same boat.

    Perverse as it seems, I take some comfort from this. When I started this thread I felt utterly alone. But as I've discovered that there are others going through the same thing, I've realised that maybe I'm not such a failure after all. I'm not some unique coward who didn't come out when younger. The fact others did the same thing means that it wasn't cowardice - it was the way things were.
     
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  9. Rade

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    Agree, gay people are much more accepted now. I was gonna come out in early 1990s but it was a different world then .
    I also wanted kids and my ex wife came along, I did not go looking for her....we had some good times but being bi/gay always at the back of my mind....
     
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  10. Jggates

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    The good times are the things to focus on. Who's to say that the alternative life would have been any better if you'd come out before meeting your ex wife?
     
  11. regkmc

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    I can tell you that regardless of the ultimate consequences, I feel better having told my wife and the important people in my life what was happening. It’s true.
     
  12. DecentOne

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    Yes. Real moments of joy & sorrow. Achievements and failures (and learning from those mistakes). Being alive.
    I am glad that folks younger than me have more freedom (and places like EC) to help them figure out themselves at more age appropriate times, but it was a different world back then. Society, except for pockets I lived in, was so closed off to LGBTQ awareness (not even tolerance, and not acceptance). That had awful ramifications - for instance, I knew people who died for lack of research into HIV. I could be a straight ally, calmly unaware of my whole self but speaking up for others. I am happy to be alive, happy to have the path I can take now, though it seems confusingly late to be at that juncture at this age (and really put my wife on a roller coaster of emotions, which I feel sad about - though the highs and lows seem to be evening out lately).
     
    #172 DecentOne, Oct 7, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2018
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  13. Matty303

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    1. J-.ul s o..\.*...... 4g tr huh j3.r,

    So true and these threads are really helpful and awesome maybe if I knew about them a while back things would be different, but then again I wouldn't have met my wife nor had my kids so I think things might just happen at the time it's meant to because I couldn't image not having them now. Even though I am struggling with this and having a hard time, it has brought me a a lot of happiness having them also...
     
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  14. Nickw

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    I was, happily, married for about 30 years before my same sex urges got to the point that i had to tell my wife. I was in my mid-fifties. Maybe something about this time in our lives and our marriage made a difference. I think it probably did. But, my wife has been cool with this since the night I told her. My sexuality is just part of me and part of our marriage.

    A year or so after I came out to her she suggested I needed to explore the physical parts of my sexuality. So, I started having some intimacy with men under some rules we set up. We expand the rules for different men and situations.

    I'm having the time of my life at my age exploring this.

    Three years ago I was obsessing about how I never had a chance to explore this side of me and it would drive me to frustration and hopelessness even though I have had an incredible life. Now, I'm getting this chance. I wasted a lot of effort playing mind games.

    You just told your wife. Give her time. Being bisexual is not just about going out and getting off with a dude. There is a lot of growing to do (I'm still a work in progress). Our wives can be along on this journey sometimes. Mine loves this whole dimension of me that explains a lot of who I am. You are the same person. Your wife just has more information on what makes you who you are. Patience.
     
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  15. Jakebusman

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    How's everyone doing ?
     
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  16. Jggates

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    Hi @Jakebusman I'm up and down - more highs than lows right now, which is a positive I think. Definitely still not out of the woods though.

    How about you?
     
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  17. Rade

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    I'm ok, not great but ok.....
    How are you doing??
    Rade
     
  18. Jakebusman

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    I'm okay debating if I wanna talk to my wife
     
  19. Rade

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    Talk to your wife when YOU feel ready.....
     
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  20. Jggates

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    Me, I keep feeling like I'll never be ready. Cos I'll also have to admit that I'm not strong. But at the same time I feel like I have to say it or I'll drown.

    Not in a good place right now.