I hope this isn’t too soon to say but I just recently learned about myself (about a week ago?) and quickly accepted that I am trans. Even though my mind struggled to understand and refused to accept it as if saying “you’re just pretending to be male/a guy.” (this was back when I pretended to be male to save my own skin around people outside of home whenever I go out by myself to the store, library, etc. ever since I was kissed by an older man who I didn’t know at all. A complete stranger who had a wife and kids. So I guess I made myself be convinced enough for me to think like that.) I take it it’s also because of all the stuff I read before discovering this place as “you’re not trans unless/when…” or “you’re not trans enough if…” etc. from other websites, making me assume being transgender was just a black and white thing. Like if you either are gay or you’re not (even then I am not sure if those have some degrees too?). You either are dysphoric to a noticeable degree (like it hurts to see your chest or genitals) or you’re not because your dysphoria is mild. Like do I have to suffer for me to know? I think not. I even ran over my thoughts and feelings from back when I was a kid to now and figured, yeah, I am, while, again, trying to convince my mind that I am. I went through a lot of posts that I feel like they make sense to me and I do relate to them. Not really sure how normal that is for some transgender people, being able to come to accept it like “oh, okay” in just a span of a few days. But, also, is it normal after having accepted it to still be confused somewhat? Like I know I am but I want to make sure and not think I am still "just pretending". Because I am happy about being a guy, being called he/him, little brother, taking T at some point, and even being bummed when referred to as she/her, etc. Would it be weird to accept I’m trans too soon? Do I have to go through a major thought process first beforehand? I feel like if I did accept myself too soon then that wouldn’t be a valid thing for myself because it “has to be a certain way” which, as I believe, there is no right or wrong way of doing things. I also think, while I may already have the answer, it would be helpful to have some guidance or clarification. It can definitely help with putting unnecessary thoughts away so I can focus on more important matters. I really think I just have to slow down and take it easy. On another note, should I repeat “I am male/a guy/a boy”, “my name is [new male name]”, correct myself whenever I say “she” (my thoughts like to repeat what people say or even just scenarios made up in my head still using “she/her”), etc. as a way to get used to my new pronouns and name? It’s like a restructure in the way some people think, I guess? Like rewiring of the mind. I’m not too sure how it works, exactly. Sorry for all the questions, I guess I should be more informed about all this. Thank you for the help~
Personally I think we go through the major thought process before we realize it and accept it. I knew I was different growing up, so when I discovered what trans was I knew right then and there. I've accepted it to a point - I've been on T before and it's felt right (long story) but I think there's a degree of accepting that can only be achieved when you start social transition. Honestly I can't guide you on the pronoun and name thing. It changed in my mind easily, and figured out my name that stuck too. I've never had to repeat anything over and over in my head, it all just fit together like those last few puzzle pieces.
Thank you~ I understand that people do have different experiences. Looking back at the post I made, it seems quite silly. I guess I was a bit panicked since I am still new to the whole thing and have a lot on my mind at the moment about it all. ^.^; Yeah, no worries! I guess it's just different for everyone and how easily they can take to being used to their new pronouns. I'm glad you figured things out well! Thanks for answering!
