hey all, I’m a little new to this type of thing, but if you were to be broken up with, how would you want it done/ the most painless way? I’m breaking up with this girl (we were both each other’s first girlfriend) and we had our first kiss together, so I know that it’s a somewhat sentimental thing, but we never communicated together that well and it was very tentative, if any of that helps at all. How do you think it would hurt the least? Thanks, you folks are lifesavers.
First, know this: There is no painless way to do it. Breaking up isn't a fun thing to do. It may end up in tears and uncomfortable feelings for both of you. However, if you think things have reached that point, the first advice I can give you is: Don't delay it. If you are sure you need to break up, don't wait until after that party next week, or that trip you two planned and are going to next month. If you are sure about breaking up, the longer you wait, the worst it will be for both of you. Second, I think it is a good idea to avoid a long list of "reasons". You may have 558 reasons to break up with someone, but, if it is over, then it is over, and it is pointless to hurt the person by forcing him/her to listen to your rant for almost an hour. Try to summarize things: "Hey, this isn't good news, but there's no good way to say it. I want to break up. You are a great person, but im just not feeling it is working anymore." I'm not saying you should lie, by saying this like "it isn't you, it is me, yadda yadda" - don't lie. However, be precise and short. If the person asks for more reasons, answer precisely and without extending it too much. "I have different goals", "Our personalities dont match", etc. If the person wants to say something, I think it is a good idea to be patient and listen. The person may be angry and say some hurtful things, but I think it's best to take a deep breath and don't engage in a fight - remember you already decided on breaking up, and fighting over it won't change the situation, and will only hurt both of you. Let the person be angry or sad if that's the case. You can offer some comfort, but don't let the person emotionally manipulate you into doubting your decision (remember the reasons why you are doing it). By comfort I mean, if the person is crying, for instance, I would wait a bit, instead of turning my back, and listen to what he/she is saying. But I wouldn't act like I'm comforting a SO by kissing, hugging romantically or offering too many sweet words - a boundary needs to be established when you decided to not be girlfriends/boyfriends anymore. Third, I repeat - there's no perfect way to do this. It isn't a fun thing to do. But, if you are decided about it, then do it, and how the person reacts is their decision, not yours. Lastly, remember I'm saying this based on my experience (broke up two times in serious relationships, and stopped seeing some people I was dating in simpler relationships). Other users may provide a different point of view. Humans aren't machines, and what worked for me may not work perfectly for you. But I believe it is worth considering other's advices.
No problem! It is always a tough situation, but i hope the advice is useful. Let us know how it goes, if you feel like it.
Pretty much be honest and do it in person. It is hard and there isn't an easy way to do it. That being said try not to be rude or mean, like if they have just terrible B.O. don't just say they smell like a pile of rotten trash, but maybe point out their poor hygiene is a problem. That is likely a really bad example, but you want to be honest and accept if they point out any faults they say about you.
