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Sexual fluidity or becoming who I truly am (and resisting)?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by richie96, Sep 29, 2018.

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  1. richie96

    richie96
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    The first time I liked a boy was in middle school (over a decade ago). I mistook him for a girl because he was cute in the face, had feminine features. Something I never saw before, I was starstruck. When I realized he wasn't a girl, it didn't make a difference, I still liked him. That was short-lived because he was going too fast and I continued dating/liking girls for the rest of my school life. But it played an important role in my sexual/romantic orientation later on.

    In my adult life, my bisexuality has became less prominent over time. I'm about 10% interested in women now. While I become less interested in women, my attraction to guys continually grows, but only for a certain type: "feminine" guys. Cute, androgynous-like facial features (but still clearly male), delicate in their personality and how they carry themselves, etc. A call-back to the first boy I ever liked. A visual example would be much better but I hope you get the picture.

    It's like for the most part, I changed from mainly liking girls to guys while retaining my attraction to femininity. I got that attraction from girls yet ended up finding it way more attractive in guys. I care less and less for girls. Now I question if I'm really bi or if I'm subconsciously trying to hold on to something that's no longer apart of me..

    It's not like my attraction to girls was forced or dating them was me trying to fake it. It just feels like that part of me is mostly over, as if it was temporary.

    Part of me thinks for the longest time I've had a fluid sexuality that was predominately heterosexual. Now, for whatever reason I'm becoming more gay and it feels permanent. But I'm reluctant to call myself gay because I feel as if I still like women a little (I'm not really sure about that). Calling myself bi feels disingenuous to how much I like guys at this point. I know it doesn't have to be 50/50... but I don't know if it's really 10% or 0% and I'm being resistant to a full change.

    Is this normal occurrence for some people? Does that even make sense is a better question.
     
    #1 richie96, Sep 29, 2018
  2. skittlz

    skittlz
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    Being Fluid (in sexuality) is a valid identity. I would describe myself as a bisexual who is pretty fluid. Since last spring, I’ve been feeling pretty much straight (or a 1 on the Kinsey Scale) In middle school, I was more at a 5. So, my attractions fade and show in waves.

    Some people are simply more attracted to feminine guys, regardless of whether they’re gay men, straight women, or Bi individuals. So, you might simply have changing taste, without some repression thing.

    It’s ok for you to identify as Bi, even if that label doesn’t seem the most accurate right now. For more accuracy, you could say, “currently more gay leaning”, or “fluid”, whatever you’re comfortable with.
     
    #2 skittlz, Sep 29, 2018
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  3. Love4Ever

    Love4Ever
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    I agree with all of this. I lived most of my life as "straight". Didn't realize I was bi until later on. I love feminine men.
     
    #3 Love4Ever, Sep 29, 2018
  4. fadedstar

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    I can relate to almost everything you said (aside from the dating bit, I've never dated anyone.) I wish I could help you or give you the answers but I'm so confused about where I really stand as well. I know labels are important in their own way, but I would just try and focus on what and who makes you happy, try not to force anything that doesn't feel natural etc.
     
    #4 fadedstar, Sep 29, 2018
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  5. Rade

    Rade
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    I personally think sexuality develops over time for some people. It's not black, white but a mixture of colours. Just enjoy being you and discovering who you are. We don't necessarily need labels. I identify as bi but if I had more experience probably gay.
    But I'm not a big fan of labels. Society wants to put people in boxes, not just with sexuality! Everything.
    I say to people I'm Rade and I'm different, quirky, carefree.....and if people don't like it,? Who cares...
     
    #5 Rade, Sep 30, 2018
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  6. Chip

    Chip
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    Sexuality is, for the most part, stable over time, so the idea of fluidity, while currently in vogue, is generally not supported by most of the research that is out there.

    What's far more likely here is that, over time, your innate, hardwired attraction toward men has come to the surface more, and you are becoming more comfortable and accepting of it. As you do so, then your conscious self allows you to feel it more, and you may then feel the attraction to women decreasing. That's a result of it being a value society placed on you than your own authentic feeling.

    As for attraction to more feminine men... this could be simply an attraction, or it could reflect an unconscious discomfort with fully accepting your attraction toward guys, or some combination of both. I wouldn't stress about it too much. You might find the attraction toward specific types of men shifting over time, or you might find it staying stable. Either way... you can totally find someone you love and feel a connection to.

    But... to answer your question as to whether it's common... yes, very much so. Many people don't really become fully comfortable with their sexual identity until well into their 20s and often later. It isn't something to stress about, and it seems that you're already well on the way to understanding and exploring yourself, and that's a great place to be.
     
    #6 Chip, Sep 30, 2018
  7. Mihael

    Mihael
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    10% of error in sexual orientation (or many different things) is common. It doesn't change the picture as a whole, though.
     
    #7 Mihael, Sep 30, 2018
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