Has anyone had an experience or know someone that questioned their sexuality, fantasized, turned on and attracted to the the same sex only to realize they are straight once given the opportunity to be with someone. This runs through my mind a lot but since I am married and can’t explore at the moment but the fantasies and attractions have been on going for more than a year now and realizing always there in my past.
It depends...why do you fantasize about the same sex? Does it arrouse you because its taboo? Do you actually have a desire to have sex with the same sex? In real life do you have a hunger to be with the same sex? Fantasy can help with orientation but real life can be different.
I have never experienced this, but I worry about it happening. For the majority of my life, I considered myself to be straight. After a series of events and a lot of thought, I now consider myself to be fully gay. Being with a girl is what I want and what my fantasies consist of, but I have never dated or done anything with another girl. I am really afraid that when I actually do, it won't actually be what I want and that I really am straight deep down (which is the last thing I want to be).
Not common, but I wouldn't rule out the possibility. Keep in mind that sexual orientation is a spectrum, and while most people tend to cluster at one end or the other, only about 10% are entirely at one end or the other according to Kinsey. So it is possible you are bi. However, if the thoughts are constantly recurring, it is quite possible, and perhaps even likely, that these are latent feelings coming up, and they have been coming up consistently over a long period of time. So it is quite possible that what's surfacing are true feelings, and in some way you convinced yourself you were straight when you found the person you're married to. Of course, only you can know what feels right for you.
A couple months ago I went to a resort for vacation. I saw this woman at the other side of the pool and instantly felt attracted to her for some reason. Every time I would go somewhere at the resort I found myself looking for her. I felt very attracted to her and not sure if it was looks, energy or both. I never talked to her but I fantasized being with her intimately. I woke up one morning from a sex dream about being with her and being aroused. I had a similar crush on a woman I worked with about 15 years ago and had all the signs of a full on crush. Thought about her all the time, butterflies when around her and imagined myself with her. During that time I also met my now husband and pushed those feelings aside the last 13 years. For the last year around the time I started to take better care of myself I sort of awakened with all these feelings again about feeling attracted toward women. It started when I was reading a book and didn’t realize there was a lesbian character in the book and the moment she felt butterflies from a girl brushing by her arm I felt butterflies just reading it and was startled by this. A month later I felt those butterflies from a female stranger who I had a short exchange with at a store and found myself wanting to run into her again at that store. I get aroused when watching lesbian interactions (not pornographic) and not just sex on shows and movies or reading in books. I read a heterosexual romance book to compare because I don’t typically read romance books and did not feel aroused during the romance scenes and even was put off by some of the descriptions about the guy. So.... I have no idea if this is just feelings about it being novel or taboo or real feelings. What do you think? Any opinions are helpful.
Hi @Elle993 It’s hard to really say as it all depends on you at the end of the day but I totally understand your thinking with this. I used to feel the same, as in wonder if my attractions and desires are real Or were they merely fantasy and the realiaty of the act would actually send me running back to a man. Something that I noticed though, and i don’t know if it’s applies to you, but these fantasies and desires over a fair amount of time were consistent and never wavered. If anything they got stronger. I had this constant need to be with a woman and not just in the sex dept but In all other ways In a relationship and that spoke volumes to me. However tbh the first time I was with a woman it was ‘ok’. I certainly wasn’t horrified by it but equally I wasnt blown away either and that confused me a bit. But I realised that even in spite of that I still wanted to be with a woman, just not THAT woman. I now have a gf and it’s a totally different story, I love being intimate with her. I truly find it better than being with a man. One thing that massively stands out is that when I was sleeping men I used to think about women all the time but when I’m with her I only think about her. I don’t need to change the gender and that screams volumes. I’m not sure if this helps or not but i just wanted to share my experience to let you know that you’re not alone in wondering if it’s all in your head. Oh also, I used to think that nearly everyone swapped genders in their mind when having sex with their partner. I’ve since questioned this with my friends and apparently that’s not the case. In fact, not one of them have said that they feel the need to do that and so that told me a lot too.
@Dotwork Thank you. It’s really good to hear about others. The feelings have been pretty strong and while I do fantasize about being intimate with a woman it does go beyond that as well. For the last year I have found myself picturing women or pretending my husband is a woman when we are intimate and I do not have a desire to be intimate with him. I’m not feeling connected with him emotionally either. I think my internal struggle might be a factor but we also have some relationship challenges... he’s not emotionally there for me the way I desire. We started couples counseling a few months ago - he thought we were perfectly happy but I have been struggling to be happy with him for years... a lot of years. I have 3 kids so for he last 7 years I thought maybe I don’t want to be with him because I’m tired, my body is exhausted from nursing or being pregnant etc but to be honest I was using those as excuses to not be intimate with him but didn’t realize it at the time. I think these feelings for women are real but it’s hard to admit it at times.
