First off just want to mention I’m a married male that’s bi/lean to gay that’s still closeted to wive. We were at a relatives wedding this weekend. There were about 180 or so people there- most in mid to late 30’s. There were a lot of gay people there. Through out the night there was one particular guy I could not keep my eyes off of. There was just something about him. We did end up next to each other a couple of times at the bar getting a drink and said hi to each other. I def made it a point to make eye contact quite a few times. I could definitely tell he want curious about me because he did have that smile a few times. But I think he knew he could not do anything because he knew I was with someone. I wanted so bad to strike up a conversation with him. Even after my wife and I left the wedding and went back to hotel I could not stop daydreaming about him. Even the next morning he was the first thing I thought about. Anyways just thought I would share my story.
Is this the first man who has ever made you feel this way irl? What about your wife? Does she know about your attractions to men?
Probably the second man- him being the gay friend I am referring to in another reply. No my wife does t know about any of this.
Unfortunately no she wouldn’t at all. She doesn’t hate or dislike lbgt people but for me to open up to her that I am would be disaterous
I see. I guess the question is, are you alright with the idea of not acting on your attractions to men since you are with her? Do you feel in the long term this would make you unhappy?
No I’m not ok with that idea. Sometimes I think just fantasizing about it will help then other days I don’t in the long run.
Because if you want to interact with men, I think you owe her the truth. You say you have a good relationship, and that comes from a place of being honest. To look at it another way, if you were her, even if you were maybe upset at first, would you rather hear the truth first from her, before she had acted on her feelings, or after, if you caught her doing it without telling you? Not telling her would only increase any negative feelings she might have because she would assume that you would not have hid it from her unless you felt guilty and ashamed. And there is no reason for you to feel guilty and ashamed.
Essentially you have three options. You can tell her, and she may be upset, but she may learn to accept it with time, or you could not tell her and continue as you were before, but you would be unhappy. The third option would be to cheat of course, but I would never advocate that.
I completely understand! I'm just trying to help you think about what you need to do to improve your quality of life and make yourself happy.