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Best places to Meet nice Lesbians in College

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Love4Ever, Sep 23, 2018.

  1. Love4Ever

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    So I am moving to a somewhat bigger city for school in January. I am very excited and happy, but I have no idea how to meet nice queer women. I am not a drinker or a partier. I would not be against going to the occasional bar or club, but I don't want to only hang out with crazy party people or people who drink a lot. I want to meet a girl I have things in common with. I would love to meet a girl who was intellectual and creative. I am going to join the GSA at my school when I get there, and there is a thing where a lot of people do Pride on the beach around spring break and even though I'm not a big beach person I plan on going there as well. I look pretty straight right now, but I am hoping I can make some small changes to my appearance. (This is by my own choice, I am aware I don't need to look a certain way to date women.) I like tomboys but I am hopeless at sports. Any ideas would be welcome.
     
    #1 Love4Ever, Sep 23, 2018
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2018
  2. Love4Ever

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    Also, there are only like two gay bars that are anywhere near where I live. That's it. And the city I'm moving too is small. It is not a big LGB capital like San Francisco or anything close to that. I have heard there is a "gay neighborhood" somewhat nearby where most of the LGB population tend to live, but I have issues with transportation because I don't drive, so getting there might be a challenge. I have tried looking for other unique places, but we don't have cool vegan bakeries, feminist bookstores, or lesbian run coffee shops, or stuff that other areas have and that are usually recommend on all those lists that try to give people ideas on where to meet women. I've read about every list out there on the internet and I often get discouraged because as I go through the list, I am usually thinking things like, nope, nope, and nope, whenever I read any of the items. I don't know what to do. I really want a girlfriend, but have no ideas short of transplanting which I can't do right now because I'm in school. :frowning2:
     
  3. tystnad

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    I did sort of a similar thing just a month or two ago, where I moved from a small town to the biggest city of the country (Stockholm is still small by US standards, but for me it is MASSIVE). I told myself to see it as a completely fresh start and finally be out and proud and get myself some LGBT friends outside the internet, and I have to say it has been harder than I thought it would and I learned some hard lessons on the way, so here are just some tips based on my experience!

    - Definitely join that GSA club, and go in with a completely open mind. These clubs can vary greatly depending on the place, and it may very well be that on first sight they seem to focus on things you don't care so much about. The LGBT club I joined mostly focused on either super tame stuff like knitting, or on wilder stuff like parties - and it really turned me off. But, after a few meetings, my input started to count, and now I'm on the board and helping organise things that I do enjoy, like movie nights. Turns out that people WERE very much interested in those things, they just didn't have anyone who took the initiative! So give the club a solid chance, if after a couple of weeks you still don't like what they're doing you can always leave, there's no harm in going to a couple of meetings/events/whatever they have.

    - In close connection to that: avoid being judgemental at all costs. You're listing quite a few things that I, too, would have said - wanting to meet 'nice' queer women, not wanting to hang out with 'crazy party people', looking for a specific type of person to hang out with. These 'demands' (for lack of a better word) really do get in the way. I know you probably have your reasons for wanting to meet a specific kind of chance, but by going in with this frame of mind you're automatically excluding some friendship options you may not even be aware of. Trust me - I was very much the same, and it took me a little while to realise that this actually was pretty judgemental and that it wasn't fair to judge people this quickly. I came across creative folks who I couldn't stand, and then some party people who I actually had a surprising amount in common with - we just had different ideas about a fun night out and how much alcohol was necessary at events. tl;dr: give EVERYONE a chance.

    - Go to events even if you're not sure you'll like them. At worst, you'll waste an hour and then head home. At best, it turns out it was great after all and you'll leave with some new friends! Of course, there are exceptions to this, and you don't have to do anything that you'll hate for sure, but if you're on the edge? Go anyway. I went to a film fest afterparty, even though I hate parties, and I ended up having a good time - not because of the party (at all) but because I was around people who had all enjoyed the film festival and we had stuff to talk about!

    - Don't say 'no' to invites by LGBT people too often in the beginning. They'll stop asking you. You absolutely don't always have to go to everything but especially in the beginning, don't be too quick to turn things down. No one invites people who say no all the time anyway. Similarly, don't make excuses for yourself. I often find myself in situations where I'll find excuses of some sort ("oh, it's too difficult to reach that place and I don't want to spend that much time on travelling!" "This person I don't like is going as well and I don't want to see them" - whatever) and sometimes you just need to step up and tell yourself, NO, that is bullshit, if I truly want this none of these things matter!

    - There is also the quite common experience that when you first go to an LGBT event or space you're super overwhelmed and leave feeling uncomfortable, disappointed, etc. Don't let that get in the way of you trying again. It's a COMMON thing, it's weird to suddenly put yourself out there and there is some anxiety etc that you need to work through. Don't let the first few times get in the way of future opportunities.

    - Find out where the LGBT people hang out in the city! You might need to have some acquaintances before you can do this, but LGBT people often group together and they may have some particular spots where they go often for some reason - whether that's the environment, just because it's cheap, or just because it has become a bit of an LGBT hotspot. It could even just be a specific part of campus that's popular amongst them.

    - Actually talk to people. None of the above advice is useful if you go there and then sit alone all the time waiting for people to make the first move!
     
  4. Love4Ever

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    I don't know about site rules, but since everything is pretty anonymous, I guess I could just say where I'm moving? Maybe it will be easier that way? I don't know.
     
  5. Love4Ever

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    Thank you for the advice! I know I probably sound really picky, and I know it's not fair to judge people. I guess in some ways it's a defensive mechanism because I actually am a little bit scared in totally new situations or with people I don't know. I may not show it, but it's true. I look super confident when I'm actually not. I like to have a good time, but I guess I'm afraid people won't like me or think I'm boring.
     
  6. tystnad

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    Yep, make sense, and I feel you! But take the lesson I learned the hard way, which is that ultimately it doesn't protect you at all - rather, it makes the people you would want to hang out with steer away from you because it does unfortunately come across as negative energy. There will be people who like you, even if your idea of a good time may be different, even if you're completely different types! Anyone who doesn't like you or who thinks you're boring... that's their loss. They're not worth your time anyway. Give everyone a chance - they'll prove quickly enough if that is worth it after you've seen them a couple of time :slight_smile:
     
  7. DragonBoys

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    That's totally understandable, and I can understand the frustration of trying to make yourself more visible to queer women. Yet, no matter if you're looking for men/women/etc people, it's detrimental to guard yourself with judgements or be "too picky" in general. It's better to just go out there somewhere and talk to others, however scary it is, and express yourself. You might even find someone who has similar interests and thus, a conversation is born! Even if bars and clubs aren't your thing, you may meet and talk to women at smaller parties, events, etc. It can be hard, especially if just starting conversations with strangers isn't your thing, but what helped me somewhat is joining my college's LGBT+ club on campus. There, I've meet fellow nerdy/dorky queer people who were easy to talk to. No matter what you do, I wish you the best of luck!
     
  8. SemiCharmedLife

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    I agree with a lot of what @tystnad has already said, but here's a few more ideas:

    Meetup.com is a great option for finding people with shared interests. That can be for LGBT related things or other stuff you like to do. I found a great hiking group on there and really enjoy the people I've gotten to know through there, though none of them happen to be gay.

    Volunteering can be great. If there are any LGBT-related organizations or other social action organizations you can volunteer with, you'll find some like-minded people there.

    If you're on Facebook, scope out some people and organizations. You might find groups on there, places to hang out, people who seem like community leaders you may want to get to know, etc.

    Just do stuff you enjoy and be open about who you are while you're there. You never know who you'll run into and where!

    Hope this helps! Good luck!
     
  9. Love4Ever

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    Thanks for all of the responses! I am going to have to just keep trying. Oh, and if anyone wanted more specifics I am moving to Pensacola. :slight_smile:
     
  10. Lin1

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    I think all the advices you've been given so far have been very good and I fully agree with @tystnad that when moving to a new place, moving with an open mind and willing to try out everything (or well most things) and giving a chance to everyone is paramount to building a happy life in a new place and eventually meeting someone.

    I don't know pensacola personally (though slightly jealous you are living in Florida!) but here are is an article about queer life in Pensacola written by a queer girl for queer ladies, hoping it helps! :slight_smile:

    https://www.autostraddle.com/queer-girl-city-guide-pensacola-fl-157296/
     
  11. Love4Ever

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    Thank you! I actually am jealous of people who don't live in Florida lol. I've lived here my whole life and the heat gets very tiresome.
     
  12. Lin1

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    I used to live in South-west Florida a few years back and definitely remember walking outside after taking a shower and feeling like I needed a new one less than 2 minutes after leaving the house, but I loved it! (I also met my trigger crush there so might be biased *cough* * cough* haha)

    I am moving back to the States in two weeks to the infamous "Gay Capital" so we should see if it's in any way easier to meet queer people and date or if it will just confirm how terrible I am at dating haha but I am ready for some new adventures. Hoping yours in Pensacola will lead to a lot of positive experience and exciting posts (it's been a while since I have been able to live vicarously through a queer woman on EC so definitely looking forward to it happening again!)
     
  13. Love4Ever

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    Cool! Thanks! I will try to keep showing up around here as much as I can.
     
  14. Destin

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    I lived in Pensacola my first semester of college. I highly advise staying as far as possible away from anyone affiliated with Pensacola Christian College because of your LGBT status. They will seem nice at first, but they will do everything they can to convince you why being LGBT is a mental illness and probably offer to bring you onto the campus with them for religious therapy.

    University of West Florida students are better for making friends - they're actually normal.

    I don't know where you're from but Pensacola has some super ghetto parts so don't test the safety of that at night too.

    Enjoy the beach for sure, I miss seeing it every day. The blue angels are pretty cool too.
     
    #14 Destin, Sep 23, 2018
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2018
  15. Love4Ever

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    Thank you for the tips. I appreciate it. I will DEFINTELY not be attending the christian school. I'm going to UWF. So no worries there. I also naturally tend to avoid religious types anyway because yeah, I'm not interested in being converted. At all.
     
  16. smurf

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    Man, UWF out of all the LGBT friendly ass universities in Florida? Probably you are going for a very specific program, but man all i can think about is how much you talk about being with more LGBT people in other posts and you are minutes away from big university with large LGBT population. But I'm sure you are going to have a great time wherever you go!


    Do the things you want to have in common with that person.

    Want them to like volunteering? Go volunteer. Into books? Join a book club!

    Do your thing, do it proud and out, and you will find the people who have things in common with you :slight_smile:

    Also, I highly invite you to talk to a therapists. Most universities offer it as part of your tuition, so go take advantage of it! They can help you create strategies on how to cope with the newness of it all
     
  17. Love4Ever

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    Which school do you mean? UWF is the closest four year school to me.
     
  18. smurf

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    Woops, meant hours.

    2 hours to FSU and 4 hours to UF. UCF also has an amazing program for LGBT students and an active LGBT community

    Of course I'm sure you are limited to where you can go so you have your own reason for going there, but since you are moving already it seemed weird as to why more to Pensacola and not Tallahassee
     
  19. Love4Ever

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    I live in northern Florida so a lot of the other school
    Well, I am limited for a few reasons but it is what it is. It's a nice looking school though from what I've seen so I hope it will work out. It's not as big but that's okay. I won't be there too long. I'll hopefully be done in two years and then I can get a job wherever I want. Heck, I want to move out of Florida where I can really be content.
     
    #19 Love4Ever, Sep 23, 2018
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2018