now normally parents would encourage their children to move out, however mine are different. I told my parents I’m wanting to move out next fall and they freaked out and assumed I don’t love them anymore. Furthermore, they expect me to help out paying for the house once I graduate. The reason why I told them I want to move out is due to “independence” the real reason is because I can’t stand my family atmosphere and the stress. They of course were being really manipulative about this whole thing and saying that I owe them for giving me an education, a care, insurance, etc. I’m really bothered by this whole thing and now I’m worried that I’m not able to afford or succeed moving out and now I just created a tear in our relationship. My mom said that I should move out once I’m married but clearly she says that because she knows it’s not going to be anytime soon, however I do have a secret boyfriend of a year and half so it’s closer than expected, granted I’m not sure how close or if at all. I feel like I rushed into this without planning and now I’m obligated to move forward into it but I can’t stay in a toxic household where I’m always depended upon but I can’t do it without some help from them.
I’m really angered about this whole inconsistency as well, at first my parents told me that I don’t need to pay any rent or housing fees and now they expect me to help them pay for the house? And then later they claim that once I move out they they are dead to me? 1. They were already dead to me even before all of this and 2. Don’t they realize that they moved out of their parents house?
Parents tend to do that when it comes to situations like this. My mother is exactly the same. Whenever I tell her something, she ends up victimizing herself; making it about herself. She expects every little action have some divine reason as to why I do it and if it's not clear to her from the start, she'll start making stuff up in her head, it bothers the hell out of me. She'll question me about something as simple as the reason I'm wearing a long-sleeve shirt (a few months ago, I started wearing more long-sleeved shirts because I realized they don't make me as hot as I thought they would and she thought I was shooting up heroin and wearing long-sleeved shirts to hide the marks. EVEN THOUGH I HAVE GIVEN HER NO REASON TO BELIEVE SO. That bad.). What you need to do is let your parents know that this is NOT about them. This is YOUR choice and a step towards your own independence. They may want to tie you down and have you help them out with their finances but you don't want to, that's 100% okay. Let them know that they're being selfish and that you're grateful for all they've done for you but you're ready to venture out on your own. I've been secretly saving up these past few weeks and will keep doing so for the following months in hopes of being able to move out of my house and move in with my best friend's sister who's looking to move out and needs a roommate. Plan is to save up a few months worth of rent and then some so I have at least a few months where I don't have to worry about making money for rent and I'll just keep adding to that fund as the checks come by. I haven't told my parents yet specifically because I know they will try to talk me out of it. I made a choice and I'm sticking to it regardless of whether my family agrees or not because it's what I want and what I know will help me grow and move forward as a person. I find your parents very similar to mine in the aspect of being manipulative like that.
What Robishere says is spot on about it being about you not them. It's also important to remember that while our parents do support us, that was their choice. It was their choice to have a child and that entails some one way obligations - i.e. parents have to care for their children, not the other way round. Also they chose to buy the house not you so again they are trying to impose their choices on you. I'm sorry to hear you parents are being so difficult but they really should take responsibility for their choices and not try and force you to live by them. You should point out the inconsistency of saying you don't need to pay rent but then expecting you to pay toward the mortgage.
My parents make me feel stupid everytime I suggest moving out. I also have to give my mother half of my disability benefit every week, which is the only money I get. She also wants my share of my uncles house I sold, to buy a new house somewhere else. Apparently I will be living there with them and when they die they'll leave the house to me, but what if I need the money before then?
Your parents are playing the victim card here. They have made it all about them and their needs instead of supporting you with your plan You may need to plan this carefully, if your able, save up and make a plan for your future You will become the surviver here, you will feel empowered and most of all you will be free. If you stay at home long term, their control may destroy you. You can do this, plan it and save as much as you can. Personally I would find the new accommodation and not tell them till your about to move out. They will think you have given up on the idea!!! Rade
Hi They sound very controlling. In my opinion there is no guarantee they will leave it to you. I should know as it happened in my family. Tread carefully and do what you think best. Parents don't always know best!! Good luck Rade
I have decided to take that approach and just straight up lie to them and tell them I'm not moving. My aunt has told me that prior to my family moving she was told by my mom whom said that "between me, my husband, my son we can pay it off later" I myself was not informed of this nor have I signed anything to pay for that house. The atmosphere in my family has been awkward and my parents can't handle this maturely so I decided I'm not moving because it's just awkward for me to live like this for a year. They're not going to be in my life forever and I will not allow them too so I will endure a little bit longer until I have my stuff figured out and accumalated enough money to move out last minute.
Good for you....in your case if you don't keep it secret your parents will try and talk you out of moving. Parents sometimes try and control their children on all levels . It can leave a young person destroyed with no confidence and unable to function. Some parents like the control and having their children totally dependent Rade on them. Well done you for recognising this before it's too late . On a positive note once your independent they may eventually come around, throwing then one last chance .
