Hi, my name is Angelina, I’m a 17 year old girl and I genuinely think I’m freaking out. I’ve struggled with anxiety in the past and impulsive/obsessive thoughts like “bite your lip for 46 seconds or your mother will die from a heart attack” and similar things. But I’m losing my mind because I fear I may be transgender and actually a guy. Just writing that feels weird, I totally know I’m not and “sitting in feminine poses” or doing makeup or trying to make myself look more feminine is really comforting but I can’t help but worry the anxiety is dysphoria and I’m actually transgender. It came out of the blue from literally nowhere yesterday, I felt I was dressed a bit tomboyish and I started freaking out and asking “what if I’m actually a guy trapped in a girl’s body”. It’s the only thing I’ve been able to think about. I think about what I’d feel if someone called me a he, I’d feel a bit alienated and disassociated like they’re obviously talking about somebody else but if I imagine she/her pronouns I feel okay but when I say that I think I’m secretly lying to myself. I couldn’t imagine having a penis but I’m afraid “I feel like a guy” and sometimes I’ll obsessively think “wow I feel like a guy, I’m totally a guy” and then I freak out because I couldn’t imagine transitioning. I know trans people feel dysphoric having their biological gender confirmed but if someone were to say to me “everyone can see you’re a woman” I’d feel calmed down and have less anxiety. I’m LGBT and I support you guys 100% but I really reallly really don’t want to be trans because I don’t feel like that’s part of me but I can’t help but worry I’m actually a man stuck in a female body. I feel good about my body but I still worry I’m secretly a guy. I think i’m losing my actual mind.
So first off, I’m sorry no one has answered you since you posted this – I hope it hasn’t caused you anymore anxiety. Right off the bat, I don’t like telling people what they are or aren’t but it definitely sounds more like an obsessive-compulsive thing to me (especially since you’ve dealt with obsessive-compulsive behaviour/thoughts in the past. I know it’s been like a week since you’ve posted this and obsessions don’t typically just go away quickly so I’m hoping it hasn’t been causing you too much stress as of late. It seems like you already know you’re not transgender and that you are a girl but the worry keeps coming back but that’s totally normal to need reassurance with anxiety disorders. Yes, dysphoria can contribute to other mental health issues like anxiety but I seriously doubt your anxiety is actually dysphoria as it doesn’t seem to revolve around your body or pronouns or anything. Also keep in mind when you are feeling anxious about this that anxiety is very common (even OCD isn’t that uncommon) whereas being transgender isn’t very common. Even when you think you are dressed a bit tomboyish – it doesn’t make you a guy because gender expression and gender identity are two different things. Even if you decided to shop fully from the men’s section it wouldn’t necessarily make someone trans. Don’t worry – you’re not losing your mind. But having anxiety and intrusive thoughts can definitely make you feel that way sometimes, I know. So let’s go through this rationally (I’m not calling you irrational I just find it helps me sometimes) – you are comfortable in a female body and with female pronouns, and the thought of male pronouns, transitioning, and having a male body makes you uncomfortable and you don’t actually think you are trans. As such, transitioning would actually give you gender dysphoria as you would be female with a male body being socialized as a male (like you said – even just the thought of you having male parts or male pronouns used for you feels strange and wrong). Therefore, as you are born female and comfortable living as female (as well as would be uncomfortable living as male) you are not trans. I hope this helps your worries and quiets the nagging thoughts Maybe if you start feeling them again just remind yourself of some of the points I made. Since you said this would help you calm down if people said it – everyone can see you’re a woman. (And I do believe you are a woman -- albeit an anxious one.) (P.S. Sorry I lack the ability to be concise)
Hey Angelinahx, [Let me say, I agree with @Rainbow Lantern.] So what if you are trans, we're not freaks. But I really doubt that you are. If you are a guy trapped in a girls body, you're going to know it. One of the advantages that transsexuals have (that's what you'd be, transsexual, not transgender) is that we KNOW what our gender is and we KNOW that our bodies are defective -- they're the wrong sex. I think that you are still struggling with anxiety, and I think you are obsessive/compulsive, and I think you should see someone and get proper medication to deal with those -- and calm down. It's OK if you are, but if you are, you won't be questioning who you are. Do you have an inactual mind? (Sorry, lol) Calm down sweetheart. Your 17, you're supposed to be confused and questioning -- everything, not just your gender. You are making much too much out of this. If that's you in your avatar, then you definitely look like a genuine certified girl -- a rather pretty one. (I know the picture has been doctored, but... just sayin'.) I usually don't just out and tell someone who they are, but I'm gonna say you're not trans (I guess that's not telling who you are, it's telling you who you're not). Hugs
On the 100% real: Tell your parents that you need to see a gender therapist. They are a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) that specializes in gender issues. Your parent's insurance will cover it and and one of your parents will pay a small co-pay. I think mine was $22. If you can't come out to your parents, say you need to see a counselor about anxiety and your other feels that you *can* tell them about. Then, lowkey try to find a counselor that is *also* a gender therapist (nobody has to know that now) that is covered by your parents' insurance. Have one of your parents make an appointment with them. How you obtain the health insurance information so you can do that research is for you to figure out. But it *is* your life, here. You want to try and see a gender therapist. If you don't think the above two paragraphs are possible, and you can't tell your parents you're feeling "x" in order to talk to a counselor, then talk to your high school guidance counselor. Pray they are female (lol). You don't have to go to a psychiatrist, though. And here's why I totally broke out "school counselor": You want to make sure whoever you see has read World Professional Association of Transgender Health (WPATH) Standards of Care (SOC) 7. They call it WPATH SOC 7. D/L a .pdf by Googling it. It's 120 pages. But... ...it's important af. So, if you end up going to your school counselor, you can pull up a copy on the computer in their office. You never know angelinahx, they might surprise you. Remember, no one wants to be trans. So, if you are thinking about transitioning and that you might really be a guy, Your entire life will change. You'll want to read all the owner's guides, instruction booklets, and shop manuals. Sending warm wishes and hopes for good luck. xx
