Hi guys, It looks like im going back into a bit of a depressive stage again. Im not massively in a bad way. I just feel like crap. Like whats the point. Even if i struggle through all this, whats the end point? Why bother living when i dont want to? Im not going to kill myself. But god i wish i did. I day dream about it everyday. How easy it would be just to step in front of a car. I know it doesnt make sense....but i feel like im a bad person. Like i deserve bad things to happen to me, and i should make it happen. At least then i might feel better that iv got what i deserved. I realise how messed up i am and how stupid this sounds. I just feel like crap.
I'm so sorry you're going through these feelings... I have a poem for you that may make you feel better... it helped me get through similar feelings I had. Life is painful But suffering is a choice So I hope you'll be happy At every little good thing you do I hope you can still smile Even if it hurts to Because I know someday Even if it's not today There's still hope for us If you just reach inside Where you don't need to hear anything else No instructions, no opinions Just...you Just be you That's what the world needs " Why am I different?" You ask " Why should you be the same?," I counter In this world where billions live There's only so few that can choose to take the other road Just to make something else shine brighter Like the star that is you You don't want help..but you cry for comfort You close your eyes..but you can still see, can't you? Take my hand..raise your head It's not the end, friend Maybe you won't believe, maybe you still can't still But I feel you're tired And I tell you, when you realize it, I'll be here. Always.. So good luck in life, wherever you are Keep on fighting, friend!
Hey, The first thing to realize is... you aren't alone. Many of us have been through depression, and some for long periods. It's also important to know that (a) it isn't your fault; (b) you can't just "feel better" or "snap out of it" (c) many people would rather avoid, change the subject, or minimize what you're experiencing, none of which are helpful. You mentioned "again". When this has happened before, how long has it typically lasted, and what (if anything) did you do to address it? There are a lot of options that can be helpful, but having some understanding of your experience makes it easier to relate to what you're going through.
Hi Queen Kat, Thanks for sharing that. Ill try to keep it in mind. Hey Chip, I know it doesnt make sense for it to me my fault, but its a feeling i just cant shake. Like i shouldnt have let any of this happen. I should be able to fix this. I have "bad days" every now and again tgat sometimes stretch into a week or 2. But for about 6/7 months in 2016 things were really bad. Found it hard to leave the house, considered doing some really bad things, and did some prety bad things. Ever since then ive been terrified of it happening again, and now it looks like it might. Ive be getting fairly low for the last month. I still see a therapist every couple of months but honestly i dont think its doing anything.
I’m sorry for your struggle. Depression sucks. If you don’t know how to get out of depression, that doesn’t mean you’re weak/incapable. Just because we all have lived with our stomach doesn’t mean we always are able to take care of it on our own. That’s why we have doctors. It’s the same with the brain. Do you know why your therapy isn’t working? Would it help / be possible to get a different therapist? Or maybe more frequent appointments? If you really need a quick mood uplift, I personally find a calm stroll in nature or a nice warm shower helpful. You can try it if you want.
Hi skittlz, Im not sure why its not working. Ive been through 3 different therapists and no change so likely the problem is me. Its not that i dont want to be better and be happy, i do! But sometimes i also wish things were back at their worst, so i can justify giving up. I dont know maybe its self sabotage or something. I did think things were getting better there for a while, but everythings gone downhill since. Im at a pretty stressful time in terms of everything else in my life so maybe its all related.
If you "just give up", you're not going to be able to make up for whatever bad things you did. Don't run from your mistakes, own them, make up for them, and then you'll have a better chance of finding happiness.
Hey neighbour!! I am afraid I don't have any advice to give. Just wanted to say hi and tell you you are not alone. I am going a bad patch again at the moment too. The thing about the whole "again" bit of our statement is that deep down we know that it sucks BUT we also know we've beat it before and we can beat it again. Sending you love!