I've been dating my first boyfriend for about 3 weeks now and it's honestly been going great. Well till last night that is. I found another guy who was into the same novels, TV shows and anime/manga on this discord server and he DM'd me so we started talking. I'm not sure why but it randomly progressed into our kinks. And a bit of a disclaimer here- I'm pretty liberated sexually so I don't shy away from these topics but that was when I was single. Anyway he began borderline sexting with these insane and intense texts which I can't disclose because this site is PG-13. And instead of asking him to stop I just gave weak refusals and even participated a couple of times with brief comments and emojis like the sweat one. After a few minutes he realised I have a boyfriend (we met on the same server) and apologized and I did too. After this the guilt began killing me so kind of confessed to the whole thing to my boyfriend and he was understanding initially but slowly grew more insecure with each minute. In contrast to me, he's more sappy than thirsty and takes anything sexual very very seriously. He hasn't texted back since this morning and I feel like the horrible asshole that I was. Especially since we had a date planned for this week and I don't know how to ask him about that. Any help would be appreciated, guys
Cancel the romantic date and tell him you want to talk all of this in person if you haven't already. Cheating is any act that breaks the trust of your relationship. It is up to each relationship to define what that looks like. Since you are feeling guilty, you seem to have an idea that you did cross the line and that you have, in some way, hurt your partner. If you hurt your partner, even if you don't think its that major, it is your responsibility to fix it. Start the conversation acknowledging his pain you caused, the fact that you don't want it to happen again, and talk about the boundaries that you both want to have for each other. Does flirting online count as cheating? Does jacking off to porn count as cheating? What are things that are off-limit for you both? What can you do to help ease his pain/frustration/insecurities etc. Only way through it is to go all in. Talk about it, see where boundaries are for each person, and negotiate them in a way that works for both of you. Mistakes happen, we aren't perfect, but you have to learn from this. Don't beat yourself up too much
Hey @smurf thanks for your advice and sorry for the late update. I pretty much did exactly what you recommended and it worked; we're going as strong as ever So the issue for him was the fact that he's not as sexually liberated as me and in comparison to the guy I texted with, he felt like a prude who couldn't match my kinkiness and profanity. Seeing that guy be that good at this made him insecure and he needed some time to process those feelings, that's all. So he wasn't angry that I almost cheated because I didn't actively reciprocate but just disappointed that he couldn't rile me up like he thought that guy did. Anyway I cleared all his misconceptions, told him he's actually a very passionate lover (which is true) and I wouldn't care even if he was worse than the guy at sexting. He understood so we're okay now. I was just shocked that all the while we were blaming ourselves. After seeing your reply, I just had the talk with him. He's okay with porn and also with playful dirty talk both in person and via text with another guy because I convinced him that I wasn't dating him just for some momentary pleasure, which he's the best at giving anyway
