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Can I become straight?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Roscoe S, Sep 11, 2018.

  1. Roscoe S

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    I don't know if I can do this much longer. The guilt my mother places on me for being attracted to men is simply too much to bear. My late childhood and all of my teenage years have been cursed with this guilt, to the point where nothing keeps me happy anymore. Trips to Europe, concerts with friends... none of it helps. My grades are slipping. I'm so depressed every moment of the day because of this that I just want it all to stop. How can I become straight? How can I be the normal kid my parents want me to be so we can all be happy?

    I need to have a wife and kids. I've already disappointed my parents enough... I couldn't live with myself knowing there's no way to give them biological grandchildren... I guess denial is the only thing keeping me from insanity at this point.

    How can I change?
     
  2. Denial

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    Sexual orientation isn't something that can be changed. Attempts to try to change one's sexual orientation can be very harmful to one's mental health and simply don't work. Sorry to hear about your mom. Any chance you can go with her to a PFLAG meeting or something?

    https://www.pflag.org/

    In the mean time, is there someone else you can talk to? Like a friend or therapist for example? Of course you have us. Also, remember you won't be living with your mom forever so maybe that can bring some comfort.
     
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  3. Biguy45

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    You can do whatever you like. If you don’t want to be gay you can choose not to engage in gay activities. It won’t make you straight though. You will still be gay. It is up to you how you deal with it. I would think it is very difficult to live a lie
     
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  4. Denial

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    Agreed, and that would likely have negative mental health consequences as well.
     
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  5. fadedstar

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    Perhaps you should consider being a little more detached from your mother's opinions and approval. This may seem like a cold thing to say but your mother has already had her fun, it's your turn now. By manipulating you with guilt she is essentially holding you back and stealing your youth. This is incredibly selfish of her don't you think?
     
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  6. InbornGame

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    Your parents may be disappointed, but it's really (really, really) not your job to make them happy at the expense of your own happiness or by denying who you really are. If giving your parents biological grandchildren is important to you, it is still possible to have a husband and biological kids (it's complicated -- you'd have to use a surrogate).

    As others have mentioned, it is possible to suppress your desires and to act like a straight guy, but this is very likely to take a huge toll on your mental health and relationships, and it's not something you should do just to make somebody else happy. It's wrong (in my opinion) for your parents to expect this from you. I'm really sorry that you're in such a tough position with your parents--stay strong and don't discount the importance of your own happiness. Your life is yours to live!
     
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  7. Laughsalot

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    By marrying a woman and having kids you would knowingly be entering into a union with someone you couldn't have a complete and satisfactory relationship with and that wouldn't be fair on that person. In the attempt to keep one person happy you could potentially end up hurting not just yourself but all the others involved in this.

    As someone said above, you can choose not to act on it or to live in denial but take it from an older person who tried that - it just does not work! It's absolutely 100% not worth it, not for anyone's approval!

    You haven't done anything wrong! You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about my dear! There is absolutely no reason why you should have to change who you are.
     
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  8. Roscoe S

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    Only my dad drives, and all our phones are tracked. He's the main concern actually; she is this way because he wouldn't accept it if I told him. This has been affecting me mentally...
     
  9. Chiroptera

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    Hello,

    As others have said, you can't change your orientation, and forcing yourself to try to be something you aren't will only hurt you (and possibly others) in the long term. As much as this is harsh to say, i also agree with others when they say: This is your life - you shouldn't use it to please your parents in detriment of your own well being.

    Have you considered exploring these thoughts with a therapist? Obviously, I don't mean charlatains who claim to be "conversion therapists" - please don't try this, it will only hurt you and it doesn't work. However, a real therapist (like a licensed psychologist) may be able to assist you. Do you think your mother would be ok with you going to see a therapist? You can say you have some issues you want to explore in therapy, but you don't need to be clear and explain it to your mom if you don't feel safe to do so.

    And, yes, it is certainly a huge challenge to live with parents that don't accept you as you are. However, the future can be better, you can move out and be free to seek happiness without feeling so much pressure to please others. If this isn't possible now, maybe you can start planning to do that once you become an adult?
     
  10. Kodo

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    My parents do not accept me as trans, nor as gay. My father outright disowned me after I came out. For years that killed me inside. I still struggle with feeling like a failure and a disappointment to them at times. But I made a choice to live authentically, because it isn't living if you're living a lie and pretending to be someone you're not. Being gay does not make you less of a man, or less of a son. It is your parent's loss that they do not see the amazing young man their son is. Believe me, living a lie will not make your life easier. Imagine having to carry the weight of being closeted into a marriage. It wouldn't be fair to you or your spouse. Sometimes the best revenge is living a happy life, without the people who do not accept you. There are plenty of people who will love you for you, you will find a new family who supports you. I know it's hard to hear, because it is so hard to let go of the people we were raised by. But you have to hold out hope that things can get better and that people will come along who will make it all worth it. Because they're out there.