A few months ago, 3 days before the summer holidays started, I couldn't hold it in anymore and I made the decision to tell the boy I liked, one of my only friends at highschool that I liked him, after 3 years of keeping these feelings inside. The first mistake I made was messaging him online, instead of telling him in person. I waited two long and horrible days for any sort of response before he finally came to me when I was listening to the song that always reminded me of him in the school library. For some reason, I felt the need to look behind me and to my utter shock and surprise, he was just standing there staring at me. After a few really awkward seconds of us staring at each other he said something along the lines of 'do you wanna walk with me to the social area?' I ended up panicking and telling him 'I think i'm just going to stay here and carry on listening to music'. Mistake number 2. 'Up until today, that was the last time I saw him. Thankfully, he replied to my message that day with 'Since I couldn't find a time and place to discuss this, then, yeah it is kind of awkward as I'm not into the same sex, but I am by no means offended, no need to apologise'. It wasn't the reply I wanted, and it wasn't easy for me to accept, but I was so relieved and appreciative of him not being offended by it. That was the last time I ever saw him since I made the decision to drop out of school after summer. Today I was working out in the gym when I noticed him from behind, running on the treadmill. I always try to go to the gym in the evening because I found out from a friend (who knew about my feelings for him) that he goes at around 6pm. So after spotting him among the many faces there I decided to pretend like I never saw him and kept on minding my own business. Then, while I was at the cable machine with my face turned away, I noticed him from the corner of my eye walking up to me. He hovered around next to me for a few minutes facing the other direction and then walked away. I definitely feel like he was trying to say hi and talk to me but then decided not to at the last second. After all, his dad was there with him (as awkward as it is) so maybe that's why he felt uncomfortable with talking to me there. So I have a couple questions. Should I keep on going at that time and keep on trying to spark a conversation with him or would that be weird and creepy? And should I initiate the conversation or should I leave it and wait until he says something in order to know for certain if whether he still wants to speak to me? I know I made the wrong decision by telling him and I have tried so hard to forget about him but today reminded me of him and our friendship, and I miss it so much. I'd do anything just to speak to him again. Thank you for taking the time to read this, I would appreciate any advice.
I don't think that you've done anything wrong. You had to tell him the truth, as he is your friend, and maybe you thought that you had to be sincere with him. And, of course, your feelings scare you. But take a look again to your friend's responde: he was not offended at all. And, by his later acts, he is trying to keep talking to you. I understand that now you are afraid, and you are wondering what is he believing, if he can trust you again. But there's nothing weird and creepy in talking to him. Of course, his answer was not the one that you wanted, but maybe it's one of the answers that you needed. Because maybe he wants to be with you in the same way as before. I experienced the same almost a year ago. I had a crush for my best friend, and I kept it for years, until I couln't bear it anymore. So I told him the truth. And he told me that, as I already knew, he was not into the same sex, but he was not offended, and I was one of his best friends. Later, that night, we met with other friends, and it was so strange to me, to drink a beer, talking to him, staring by his side, even hugging him just to say "see you". But he was not reluctant. And I couln't understand it: "I've told him that I liked him... But he is still there! Oh my God, what have I done, did I really told him that??" Days later, I realized that I was the only one who was exaggerating the situation. So, try to talk to him again. Maybe he want to do it too, but doesn't want to make you uncomfortable. Maybe you both are at the same point.
Thanks for your advice. Do you think it's fine if I keep on going to the gym at the same time that he normally goes to up my chances of being able to initiate a conversation?
That's a good idea. I think it's better to create a chance to talk face to face rather than online. In this case, don't try to see an "elephant in the room". There's no "elephant". If you think there's a problem between both of you, then there will be a problem. And, as a result, you won't talk to each other. But try to take the chance, to break the silence. It seems that both of you try to do it, but you don't dare because you both think that there's an "elephant". (Sorry for the metaphor... but I think you get the idea!)
It sounds like your crush took it pretty well, all in all. I know it's disappointing that he didn't feel the same way, but it doesn't sound like he took it in any negative way. He was probably more worried about upsetting you if anything - that's probably why he wanted to talk to you in person. As for your continued relationship with him, you have to ask yourself if you're genuinely happy to continue a friendship with him now that you know it's not going anywhere romantic. If this is the case, I agree with the poster above, you should really try to go back to business as normal and demonstrate that things don't have to be awkward. As for your subtle gym plan, I don't know! I'd consider sending him a message and just saying that you value his friendship and that you don't want things to be weird between you over something like this. Make a joke to break the tension if you're able to! You haven't done anything wrong, and neither has he - you probably both want to go back to the way things were. It doesn't sound like he's ignoring you. He's already said you have nothing to apologise for. I think you'll be okay if you both give yourselves the opportunity to show you're still able to be good friends.
He Hey, thanks for your advice. I went to the gym in the evening again today, and just as I was walking up to the building I saw him and his dad getting out of the car lol. I went in and tried to play it as if I hadn't seen him and then after a while, him and his dad walked up to the cable machine right next to me, which scared the living crap out of me none the less. He needed one of the attachments for the cable machine which was sitting below me so he said hi and asked about how I was getting on having left school and what my plans were and to be honest it wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be (apart from the fact that his dad was standing right behind him staring at me lol). God, I've missed seeing his bright blue eyes so much.
