Hello all! I have parents that are very homophobic. A lot of it has to do with the fact that they're religious. I grew up being told that being part of the LGBTQ+ community is a sin and that we're all going to hell. They don't know that I'm bisexual... Just recently, my parents were talking together about my cousin (who is a lesbian btw). She lives out in Long Island with her girlfriend and two kids. They were trash-talking her. Then, my aunt came into the room, not knowing about the conversation they had earlier, and asked me if I'm dating any boys. I said no and she added, "How about any girls?" And my mom immediately said, "No! We don't need another one in the family." My stomach just plummeted in that moment... I know that, as soon as I come out to them, I'll probably never see them again. And I hate that, because despite their hate toward the LGBTQ+ community, I still love them. Especially my brother, who actually is pretty chill. But, my parents will sever my contact with him. And I've made friends with quite a few of the people in my parents' church. And I'll never see them again either... I just feel like I'll lose more than I'll gain if I come out... But, I know I'll have to some day. And it just kills me. Can I get some encouragement/advice? I like this song by boyinaband called "Spectrum," because I think it words this situation I'm in best: "I can choose my friends and I can choose my family. If they won't accept me, then others will have me." But, it's easier said than done.
♡♡♡♡ i can empathize with your situation coming from a homophobic family. there is no easy answer to this scenario. i understand the need to have those closest to you know the truth of who you are and the pain of hiding it. i also know the pain of rejection and being kicked out of my family home. i think its important to prioritize your safety in this kind of situation. if you live with your family you have to consider that they may ask you to leave the home or their may be abuse after you come out. if you dont have any safe spaces to turn to in the event that happens you may want to wait until you have more independence. at the very least ensure you have some kind of a support system even if its just one person you can turn to. and keep your expectations realistic.
many homophobic people come around when someone close to them comes out as LGBQ but it often takes them time and often some distance is needed from them during that time to preserve your safety and sanity. wishing you the best and i hope you find some peace of mind in this situation soon. xx
Thank you! And, just to rest your mind, I do have means of support, should something happen and my parents find out or I finally get sick of it all. I have many friends that are willing to let me crash and the university ministry has a whole bunch of people hired specifically for this type of situation and it’s great. Btw, I love the font and color you use! It makes your messages pop out.
Hey I'm sorry you are in such a tough situation. Dealing with your sexuality can be hard enough even if your family are supportive, although I'm glad to hear you have other support if it's were necessary. Try not to give up all hope of staying in contact with your parents, I mean it's good to be realistic but sometimes when it's their own son/daughter parents can surprise you. I think it's true you have a lot to lose but you also have your whole adult life ahead of you and trying to love that not as your true self is a really draining thing and having a relationship with someone you love is amazing so I still think you have more to gain.
Hey! I saw you on the welcome board but I just wanted to say I feel your pain :/ I don't think I would go as far as to say they won't speak to me again or that they'll stop loving me so I guess I'm fortunate there, but it will take them a LONG time to accept it if they do at all. They have zero clue, I have no reason to think they have suspected all along. It'll be a huge shock. I have a million possible idea of things they might say, none of them good. I'm afraid they're gonna say all-girls school "turned me gay" even though had same-sex crushes long before I started high school. Or they'll say I'm just curious and I'll snap out of it, or that I have too many liberal friends and I "want" to be bisexual because it's cool now for young people or something. I just know they're gonna be upset and not understanding and it's just gonna be completely unfun. They're not even religious, just conservative. They're not the worst homophobes in the world but they do think gay people are weird and unnatural and they would be really upset if they knew. I really want to start dating this girl I have a crush on and tell them about her, hoping they'll at least feel like they should try to be happy for me finally dating someone. Plus she's a wonderful person which is something any parent should be happy about. Also I'm afraid they'll say "how do you know if you've never really been with a female?" and that would take care of that lol. I don't really know what to say as far as advice goes because I'm in the same boat, too scared to come out. I guess I just wanted to say I'm here in solidarity with you if you ever need to talk!
