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I was in the right, right?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Chierro, Sep 8, 2018.

  1. Chierro

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    I'm 99% sure I know the answer, but I'd kind of just like some other opinions to prove some people wrong on a matter.

    So, last weekend I was on an app and out of nowhere an old fuck buddy messaged me out of the blue asking if I would be interested in a threesome. Now, him and I hadn't talked for weeks because last we did, he firmly established that we should never hook up again.

    So, him and I talked about that a little. I gave him a maybe, but told him I would be game to hookup just him and I, if he wanted. Then I didn't really hear from him.

    A few hours later he messages me saying he thinks he would be game for right then. So, I'm talking to him and find out he's plastered. So I get him to fess up that it's not really that he wants to hookup, the people at his house are just annoying him. I offered to pick him up and he could sleep at my place if he wanted, no hookup. He was very drunk, so I knew he wasn't able to appropriately consent.

    At the same time, I'm talking to two guys on the app that I regularly talk to and both are encouraging me to hookup with this guy, despite the fact that he was very drunk. They kept telling me to do it anyways and weren't understanding why I wasn't alright with it.

    Long story short, I didn't pick him up. No hookup. But, him and I have talked on and off a little since then, which was nice.

    Those guys still think I should have hooked up with my old fuck buddy though. They didn't really think it mattered how drunk he was, they thought it just mattered that he wanted to. So, I was right in turning him down, yes?
     
  2. Destin

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    Yeah you made the right decision for sure - it's rather impressive that you turned down an easy hook up like that too, shows that you're a good guy.
     
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  3. Mirko

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    Yes, I'd say you made the right decision of not hooking up with him.
     
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  4. Chip

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    Your friends are assholes. They're essentially encouraging rape, which is what you'd be guilty of if you'd hooked up, because as you (properly) deduced, someone who is drunk is legally incapable of giving consent for sexual activity.

    So you most certainly made the right decision. And you might want to rethink these "friends", as they do not sound like people who are very strong in the ethical integrity department.
     
  5. Roscoe S

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    Consent is invalid if the person is intoxicated. You are in the right.
     
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  6. Biguy45

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    Definitely the right decision. That’s the kind of thing that could come back to haunt you and ruin your life. No one wants a rape charge to contend with, however unlikely it might seem
     
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  7. smurf

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    Yep, like everyone else said, you did great!

    I would highly invite you to stop talking with this guy.

    If he is telling you that he doesn't want to hook up again, but only coming to you when he is feeling lonely then it just sounds like you are going to end up hurt at the end of the day.

    You don't have to be rude, but don't make yourself so available to someone who didn't want to hook up ever again. You deserve to be with someone who thinks that being with you is a treat and not a plan z type of thing!
     
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  8. Chierro

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    "Friends" is honestly a stretch for these guys. They're pretty much older guys (late 40s) that occasionally I talk to. I don't agree with their logic at all and have flat out told them that.

    I do agree with you, which is why I hadn't made an effort to talk to him before he hit me up.

    Him and I had a conversation about that a few nights after this whole situation and we agreed that hooking up is probably not the logical thing. We talked about the possibility of starting fresh and instead of hooking possibly trying to be friends or go on a date. Less of a focus on convenience hookups and more on whether we both actually want this. I'll talk to him as a friend still if he wants, but I won't really even consider hooking up until we touch on the idea of being friends or trying to date.
     
  9. smurf

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    Ohh, yeah thats a completely different scenario to what I imagined :slight_smile:
     
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