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Straight guy and made a move on my best friend

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by ScottDavid, Sep 8, 2018.

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  1. ScottDavid

    ScottDavid
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    This is a continuation from the post here. Since everyone seems to think that my friend definitely has a crush on me and that I'm kinda curious, I made a move on him yesterday when we were both very high and drunk a few nights ago. We were sitting on s couch and just chilling, and I decided to put my arm around his shoulder and let my hand touch his upper arm. He let my arm rest for a little while, but then after 1 minute later he grabbed my arm and put it back to my side (so that my arm isn't wrapping his shoulder). I was kinda upset. I'm not sure if I should continue trying to test the water. He texted me in the morning to check in and see if I was alright, so I think our friendship is still the same. What do you guys think?
     
    #1 ScottDavid, Sep 8, 2018
  2. Mirko

    Mirko
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    Hi there! In some respects, your friend pretty much let you know that whatever there seems to have been, isn't really there. If there is, he might not be comfortable providing any further (potential) clues on what might be going on. I would suggest that at this point it would not be a good idea to continuing to test the waters. If by chance he has some feelings for you, he will tell you, or let you know when he is ready for it. Trying to push him to reveal things might actually produce the opposite.

    That said, from the things you have mentioned in your previous thread, the chances could also be that he is seeing you as a good, close friend. Sometimes, when we get closer to someone, or we feel a certain bond with them, the boundaries can and at times will get blurred. It doesn't mean however that there is a romantic attraction

    Show him that you care about him, and want to be his friend. If there is something more than that, he will let you know in his own time.
     
    #2 Mirko, Sep 8, 2018
  3. Destin

    Destin
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    He might also have just not wanted you to do something you regretted later even if he does have a crush on you considering you guys were drunk and high.
     
    #3 Destin, Sep 8, 2018
  4. ScottDavid

    ScottDavid
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    should i apologize for making him uncomfortable?
     
    #4 ScottDavid, Sep 8, 2018
  5. Destin

    Destin
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    It might be a good idea yea, it's easy to explain since you were drunk - I'm sure he doesn't mind much and was just concerned that you were acting differently than usual.
     
    #5 Destin, Sep 8, 2018
  6. Mirko

    Mirko
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    To be honest, I am not sure you need to apologise to him, from the information you have provided. You mentioned that he texted you the next day to see if you are doing alright. If the exchange went well, and if there weren't any messages where it became clear that he might have felt uncomfortable, I'd just leave it for now. How come you feel you made him uncomfortable?
     
    #6 Mirko, Sep 8, 2018
  7. Tightrope

    Tightrope
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    I think you're fine and that you're both fine. You seem interested in making sure the friendship continues and so does your friend. I don't see a need to apologize. What I see is that you should reduce the intensity. If you do that, it should just continue like it did before.

    People do and say strange things that can catch you off guard. That might mean being prepared to talk about it at some future point in time if he brings it up later. I don't know what to say about that.
     
    #7 Tightrope, Sep 8, 2018
  8. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    I agree it sounds like his message in the morning smoothed things over. Judging by the title of your thread I assume you identify as completely straight, unless you are seriously questioning your sexuality or have feelings for your friend I don't think you should make a move on him again. If he is dealing with feelings for you the last thing that he needs is you kind of encouraging him that you feel the same way if you don't.
     
    #8 silverhalo, Sep 8, 2018
  9. ScottDavid

    ScottDavid
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    I feel like when he grabbed my hand and put it back to my side, he probably thought something sexual was going on. And two straight guys should never cross that line right? But then again if I apologize, I'll have to explain that I was not trying to be sexual and that might be just hella awkward. I also I dont want him to start thinking about if im being sexual every time I do something "weird".
     
    #9 ScottDavid, Sep 9, 2018
  10. ScottDavid

    ScottDavid
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    I'll be honest, after hearing everyone out, I think I like him a little bit. Is it romantically? Probably. Is it sexual attraction? Don't really think so. But yea I'll just keep things the way they are right now for the sake of our friendship.
     
    #10 ScottDavid, Sep 9, 2018
  11. Mirko

    Mirko
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    I think you are overthinking it. :slight_smile: Putting your arm around his shoulder isnt something sexual on it's own. All that it would convey at that point is that you feel close to him. Yes, it is possible that you could end up having a very awkward conversation.

    Silverhalo made a good point and it sounds like you might have some stronger feelings for him. Wanting to keep your friendship in tact is your best chance of not only discovering whether he has feelings for you but also what you feel for him. Keep building the friendship.
     
    #11 Mirko, Sep 9, 2018
  12. ScottDavid

    ScottDavid
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    Im just thinking why would he put my arm away if he didn’t think it was sexual. I personally don’t think it was sexual, but maybe the prolong of my arm resting was becoming sexual. Who knows? He texted me twice asking me if I was okay yesterday. It’d funny if I’m the one end up crushing for the straight one.
     
    #12 ScottDavid, Sep 9, 2018
  13. Mirko

    Mirko
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    There could be different answers to as to why have removed your arm. Maybe he didn't feel too comfortable with it. That said, and at this point, I wouldn't worry abour it anymore. Let the water flow under the bridge. :slight_smile:
     
    #13 Mirko, Sep 9, 2018
  14. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    Fair enough, I wish you luck on your journey
     
    #14 silverhalo, Sep 9, 2018
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