Hello all, Recently I have decided that I would like to write a letter to reconnect with my dad, as it's been a year now since we last spoke. Though I am at a loss for what to say or how much to disclose with him. For those who do not know, my father disowned me over the phone a year ago because of my decision to transition. There has been zero communication since then. I do still speak to my mother on a regular basis, but she is also still unsupportive of my transition. I want to let my dad know what has been going on in my life, and that I love him and want him to be involved in my life. But it is really hard to balance that with everything that went down a year ago. He said a lot of really damaging, hateful things to me the last time we spoke but I know for him it was out of grief because he felt he was losing his daughter. He even told me that, in his mind, my transition was a form of suicide. I feel that I need closure with him. I don't expect him to write me back, and if he does I don't expect the response to be positive. But I still have a lot I need to say to him, I just can't find the words. Any advice is appreciated.
You'd be surprised how much a person can change. I fought 6 years to even wear any clothing of my gender identity, but now I'm getting that and even more respect than that. He could've changed, but I would say stay on the fence about it, don't want to get your hopes up. As for what to say, I'd start with saying how you care and miss him, then lead into a few things you've been through that made you really happy and try to end it with you wanting him back in your life. Some parents can't face the reality of change, or accept it, until they've seen it, or hear about it having already happened. At the least you can get the closure you're looking for.
Not sure if this helps, but when I asked my trans friends parent about how she felt and stuff initially she said some really shocking but understandable things. They were shocking because from the outside we just saw her be nothing but supportive. But she told us how she cried and felt like she had to mourn the loss of the child she raised. She felt like her daughter was being taken away by 'him' and she found herself not feeling the same way she did about her now son than she did for her then daughter because she didn't regard them as the same person at first. She said it took her a really long time to realise the child she was mourning had never existed and that caused her to be even more sad that she had no idea who her child really was for 17 years. She said it took her time but it was only when listening to her son talk to a doctor about how he felt that it clicked in her head that he had always been her son. And even later when she realised the only thing different about her son and 'daughter' was his name and pronoun she realised how silly it was to think a new person was entering her life and taking one away. Maybe you could explain, and i'm sure you've tried before, how he's not lost his child he's gained one who is finally on his way to becoming who he really is. Explain how you're the same person you've always been and you're just showing the world who that person is. Good luck dude!
