A long story is to follow. Brace yourselves. I’m a guy, born as such, comfortable that way. But I started a little social experiment. I went online and created two profiles on a website, one as a man, one as a woman. I had always heard about the constant hitting on and general unpleasantness directed at women, especially online. I wanted to see for myself. I thought it was perfectly harmless. I made a promise not to enter into any friendships or anything else on either account, it was just to observe how people behaved, not lead anyone on in any sense. It was a strong mix. Some people were nice, some people were jerks, some people were hitting on me. And straight guys played right into the stereotype. Entitled, all women should want me. But I held true to the promise. Nobody got a thing other than maybe a short chat with a nice tone. But over time, as she grew more real, I grew attached to my female alter ego. I like being her. Eventually she spilled over into other aspects of my life. Not unmanageably so. No one wants to meet a woman who doesn’t exist. But I like taking on the role of this woman now. I don’t want to give up being a guy. I don’t feel like a girl trapped in a guy’s body. If I had to summarise it, I would say I feel 9/10 guy, 1/10 girl. It’s there. But it’s so little, it’s almost not there. And she’s not a separate personality. She’s an expression of what I think I would be, were I a girl. Any thoughts on what this is? Anybody have any sort of similar experience? I’m still figuring out being bi, and now this is a thing. I don’t know. That’s really the whole point. I don’t know.
This sounds like a really healthy way to explore gender It's totally possible to be 9/10 guy and 1/10 girl, a lot of people call that "bigender" (the flag for it is really cool). I'd say to keep exploring and figuring things out. You seem to be on the right track. It's okay to not know, and the only way to figure it out is to keep exploring and see what feels right.
Bigender. Hm. Worth thinking about to be sure. I googled the flag. Not bad at all. I don’t know if it would go well with a bi flag. If that’s how this turns out, I’m going to need more wall. For when I get up the courage to come out to my family and buy flags.
Interestingly, most bigender people I know are bisexual. They call themselves "bi-squared" its a fun pun.
Have you considered maybe you just liked the attention you got as a girl? And it's that you covet? It's why people who catfish...catfish. They get to 'live' as someone else and get all this attention from straight boyz omgg.
I thought about that. For a good while. Then I realised I wasn’t enjoying getting scammed on by guys. I was enjoying the other conversations. The ordinary, everyday shit. After a while, I was so sick of them, I was looking for a way to get away from the guys just looking to get laid.
