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Sadness while closeted

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by KRP6, Aug 28, 2018.

  1. KRP6

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    Recently (about the last 6 months) I have felt so down in the dumps. I've lost motivation to do things, I feel so so distant from even my closest friends, and I just feel pretty overall sad a lot of the time. Being closeted I think is the reason for all of these feelings. It sucks because most people would go to friends in a situation like this but I can't because then I would have to tell them why I've been feeling like this and I don't feel ready to come out to them. Until I'm ready to come out, I don't really know what to do about my sadness.

    I also don't know if what I've been feeling is depression. I know that can be a common thing for closeted people but I don't know how to distinguish sadness from depression.

    Any advice on coping with the closet blues or on distinguishing depression from normal sadness would be greatly appreciated.
     
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  2. -Michael-

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    Not everything needs a label, though I know it helps.
    Whether you're feeling down or have depression, you're right and you're not alone, it's super common.

    As hard as it can be when motivation is in short supply, try taking up a hobby.
    For me, reading was my escape. It honestly got me through some of the hardest years of my life.
    and films, anything my mind could use to escape.

    What stuff do you already do for fun?

    As annoying as it sounds too, exercise helps a lot. You don't need to join a gym or actually DO any exercise.
    Just take a walk. Do you have a dog? Walk that pupper! Take a stroll round the block, stretch your legs!
    Your body releases lots of happy brain juice when you do.
     
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  3. Shell87

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    I found other ways while closeted to express who I am. Being gay is not just relationships with the same sex, it embodies who you are as a person.

    Personally, I was older when I realised I was gay. However, I got rainbow bracelet and would wear it whenever I felt comfortable too, I bought some clothes I felt suited who I was more, I got a tattoo in a location would not be seen by everyone, changed my hair. A real journey of self discovery that ended with me coming out.

    Maybe try to find channels such as this to release some of your closeted frustration. (Maybe not a tattoo )
     
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  4. Love4Ever

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    Hey there. I can comletely get where you're coming from. I have periods where being in the closet can be really hard too. Lately I've been feeling really overwhelmed with being closeted and my anxiety issues so I've considered coming out in about two weeks. I don't talk about my anxiety really but I thought if I came out it would be one less load on my chest. I know how you feel about not being able to tell people. I'm out online and to my sister, but that's it. I want to tell my parents. I understand the not being able to tell friends thing too because even though I don't really have any friends I live in an area where I don't know if I can tell the few I have or not. But on the bright side, you're out on here. :slight_smile: And we all want to help you and be your friends.
     
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  5. Love4Ever

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    This is great. I love the bracelet idea. I wear my bi bracelet a lot, and since basically no straight people I know recognize it, it goes unnoticed except by the people who I want to see it. I like it though because it enables me to be out at school, one of the few places I live with a high population of non straight young people. But if I don't feel comfortable, I can just slip it off and put it in my bag. So it works for me.
     
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  6. KRP6

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    Thanks and If you do end up coming out in two weeks I wish you the best of luck!!
     
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  7. Love4Ever

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    Thank you! You should be very proud of yourself.
     
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  8. Bolt35

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    hope im not too late in answering but I definitely would say that a hobby could go a long way with helping to cope with that lonliness or sadness. I always turn to my guitar whenever i felt that way, and it definitely carried me throughout my years of being closeted, and having a pet to talk to, which i know it's very weird but i know pet owners would know what i'm talking about haha. it kept my mind of it and helped focused on what mattered more, which was bettering myself and being able to be ready and comfortable to come out the closet. I know people don't always have the best options, and sometimes it's just the little things that helps us get by everyday.
    well look at it this way, this closet is a way for you to make some space and you have the option to decide what belongs there and what doesn't, and also what it represents. if you don't want that kind of sadness or depression to be with you, find a way that will be a postivie influence on you that can help you impact your life more fruitfully (no pun intended, i swear)
     
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  9. Mali Mali

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    I'm sorry you feel this way. I recognize your feelings very much.

    One thing that helps me a bit is to express myself through writing little texts that no one else will read (but I also really love writing). It is also something I can show to people later so they can see how I've been feeling without me having to explain it all to them.

    I'm also trying to speak up more in class and generally let people know of my opinions. This way I feel like I am weeding out people with more conservative views than my own, who may not feel comfortable with my sexuality (they will avoid me, so I won't have to avoid them). It also makes me feel more confident and sure of myself, and I think those things are important when coming out to someone.
     
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  10. KRP6

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    I think that is a great idea to write how I'm feeling because it is a way to cope with feelings and it's also an easier way to tell people what it felt like to be in the closet
     
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  11. BrainTrain

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    I can totally relate to your depression. I've been in a dark cloud for over 2 years because I hung onto fears about my sexuality without telling anyone.

    People have already recommended some great ideas. You might also try writing about your sadness, and other emotions you experience. I found the more I stuffed my anger, the more it turned into sadness, and the sadness accumulated into a deep depression. Those emotions need some kind of outlet, otherwise they simmer inside and suffocate you.

    Morning exercise has really helped as well. My therapist describes it as medication for depression and anxiety.

    I hope you find some solutions that work. My only permanent solution was to come out. But until you're ready for that, keep trying new things.
     
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