This is mind-boggling to me. How can I - a proud and out lesbian who was so sure she swings only one way for majority of her life - find myself confused, lost, empty and with a sense of shame... and can't stop thinking about him, can't sleep at night and when the morning comes I drift to sleep for one hour and guess what is on my mind - the guy I hardly know for a year but feel like I have known him... forever... This is like a cruel joke of life. Considering I am surrounded by proud bisexual friends who I support immensely why the heck I feel like I would die of shame if someone found out about me? I am riddled by guilt of feeling this way, but at the same time I feel like I need to hide this fact for hopes it will go away and maybe I am interpreting my feelings wrong... maybe it's just super strong platonic attraction... Coming out to my family, to my friends again feels like a death sentence because they will never take me seriously again... I am sorry, but I will leave it at that because I feel like I need to cry this out. Please, give me some rational thoughts and knock some sense into me because I feel like I need it. Thank you.
I referred to a friend of mine in another post yesterday concerning whether it was ok for someone to ask if you were gay/bi. She's relevant to this dilemma you are facing, so I have to bring her up again. I've recently closed that chapter of my life for reasons that I can't really go into at the moment. However, for twenty years we had remained very close friends. I went through a period of life where, what I could only say, I was very confused. I honestly don't think I loved anyone the way I loved her. For the sake of anonymity I'll refer to her as Daisy. Daisy and I went to school together for a period. Then she moved. But, we still remained in constant contact. I became part of her family. For instance my room mates are her brother, his wife (her sister-in-law), and their son. Getting back to my point. Daisy asked me once if I was sure that I was 100% gay. Her reasoning was never really explained to me. However, I was honest. I explained that I found myself questioning both my sanity and my sexuality. I told Daisy I found myself inexplicably drawn to her for reasons I couldn't begin to fathom. She took a few minutes pondering over my revelation. She then asked me two questions: could I be capable of kissing her romantically and two if I could think about her sexually. Kissing, I told her her maybe because of the strong feelings I had for her. For the second question Daisy told me not to answer right away. To instead think it over for a few days and the answer. To be frank, I only needed one night. Though, try as I might I could not think of her sexually. Or rather, I could but it did nothing for me. I tried to fantasize and nothing. So, in the end... Call it kindred spirits, a very strong platonic friendship, etc. There are so many things that one could use to describe a friendship. Maybe It's different for you. But, for me... It may sound odd to put it this way, but we clicked on a level that couldn't really be explained other than I could only hope to find that in a partner.
One of the forum members here has a really beautiful quote in their signature. I wanted to share it with you - "You don't fall in love wth a gender, you fall in love with a person." I can totally relate to your feelings of shame and confusion. It's hard as hell navigating a new way of thinking and being that seems to come out of left field. I'm not one to offer advice, since I'm still in the thick of my transformation, but here are some questions to ponder: What do you think your shame is connected with? Are you afraid of being judged ? Or is this more of a self identity concern? Have you ever interpreted your feelings wrong about this in the past? Or have they always been your guidepost of personal truth? If the people in your life can't accept your changing sexuality, are they really worth keeping in your life? Rationally, it sounds like you're deeply attracted to a person. Yeah, he's a man, but I would guess there's something way deeper than just his gender that has your heart doing a dance. It sounds like someone has come along to teach you something new about yourself
Hi there. First of all as someone who is bisexual herself, I get where you're coming from. It's hard to feel at home in a world where we are told we must be gay or straight. Even if we feel seemingly confident in ourselves it is easy to still listen to the lingering doubts that society teaches us. At the end of the day what people think doesn't matter. What matters is you being happy. And if you love this man you should be with him. Ignore the naysayers and do what's right for you.
