Is It Ever Okay to Ask if Someone is Gay/Bi?

I think the important thing to consider when asking someone about their sexuality is that they might not be out to anyone, and so if they haven't told their parents or any of their closest friends and relatives that they are gay, then why would they tell me just because I'm nosy enough to ask them?

Or they might be questioning their sexuality. So they can't really give a straight answer if they think they might have homosexual tendencies but have not fully explored them.

I think its ok to ask someone you meet in a gay pub or at a gay themed event if they are gay. Just because they are among lots of lgbt people doesn't mean they are one, they could just be supporting.

Bottom line, I don't think it's nice to assume everyone feels comfortable enough to tell me anything about their sexuality and romantic life.

 

Hi I think it depends how comfortable the person is. If you see that the person is obviously uncomfortable with the topic then I don’t think you should ask. I’ve had it happen to me before and I’m not out and it made me really uncomfortable and nervous so I would change the subject fast or unfortunately sometimes lie and say I’m straight :/

 

I guess if the person is comfortable with speaking on the topic and they keep putting out hints you can tactfully ask if they’re dating anyone( if they have a girlfriend, boyfriend)

 

I say yes... It may be different for some, however for myself. There have been numerous situations where my sexuality caused quite the messy scenario.

One such incident involved 4 guys taking turns beating me to a pulp whilst chanting "Hit the Faggot!".

My usual demeanor when it involves derogatory remarks is usually quite different than most. I am not one easily to offend. Too many people are what I consider 'thin skinned'. That word to me is either a pack of ciggarettes or a bundle of sticks.

On that particular night... I'd much rather have heard anything else. Also, to note I would have much preferred my orientation to be kept personal. It wasn't for my friend to announce. I was happy she found pride in being my friend regardless of my sexual orientation, but it still wasn't her place to say anything!

 

Okay, so I'm out to the public and to my friends but in no way am I out to my family. My dad has seen something on TV or in the media and straight laughed then asked if I was gay. I said no and laughed it off (I'm Bi so not really a lie?). But I hate having to do that. I would be very unhappy and uncomfortable if someone asked. However if I was on campus and it came up or the coffee shop or a bar, it would be okay.

 

I forgot to add... I say yes only that it would be up to the individual to answer honestly given the situation.

When I feel comfortable I don't mind being candid about my sexuality. However, if I am not comfortable in the situation... I feel it best not to say anything. On that night the option was taken out of my hands.

 

In over 25 years out and about I've never been asked by anyone and I've never asked anyone. I've certainly had people hint around at the possibility and make it really clear I could tell them and I've done the same but never flat out asked anyone. I don't know that I would go so far as saying it would be rude to do so, more like very impolite. I mean if you can't even tell if they're LGBT how are you going to presume to tell how comfortable they are with it?

 

I think it depends why you ask
I find a lot of people who are a bit flamboyant get the 'are you gay?' thing. Which I think is insulting to them and the community.

 

I think it's okay to ask and I don't mind when people ask me if I like girls.. But i definitely think some straight guys would be offended if someone asked them if they're gay or bi

 

In my personal experience, I don't think it's ok. Yes, I identify as gay, but unless I explicitly come out to someone if someone asks me that, all they're doing is using stereotypes to make a guess.

I actually made a post about a girl that I had known for a week not asking me but asking all of my coworkers if they thought I was gay because she was into me. I was incredibly uncomfortable with the situation and was kind of forced into coming out to five people to help shut that down. Now, the good thing was that all of those people were okay with it and I knew they would be, but still.

If someone were to flat out ask me, most likely my answer would be no. Now, it depends on my comfort level, but in general, at the moment, I am not comfortable talking about my sexuality with random strangers in person. And, if someone asks me, I will get very defensive.

The only time I will ask a guy is if I talk with him through an app and want to make conversation. I'll ask if he's gay or bi or whatever. Even then, I'm in college and guys experiment so there are guys who identify as straight but are on apps to try things out. I would never ask someone in person.

Coming out is something someone should be able to do on their own time. A question takes that ability away from them and puts them in a difficult place.

(I'm not trying to come across as a dick, I do understand that you're asking out of curiosity.)

 

I think it depends on the situation.

 

I think you should come out first and see their reaction.