Hey! So I am nonbinary and pretty much closeted with it. I want to come out to more people and hopefully my parents soon enough. I am in an accepting area and was completely accepted as gay (afab) when I came out to people with that (pretty much everyone knows including parents). For some reason, I am completely stumped with this new discovery. I have known for a while but was just too unsure with it. My parents may have some suspicion because I asked for a binder, but I am pretty sure they just think I wish my chest was smaller. In reality, I wish it was gone and it bothers me all the time. I am horrible at talking about personal things and therefore this is hard. I was wondering if anyone had experiences with coming out as nonbinary to share, or advice to give, or really encouragement or anything. Thanks for taking time to read (hopefully some of that makes sense)
Dang, confident enough to ask for a binder instead of sneakily ordering one online and hoping it came when no one was home? I wish I had your confidence! I''m in the same boat. I need to come out (ftm) so i can start medically transitioning without my mom being confused. From everything I've been told, you just have to go for it. Just sit down and tell people. It's scary and I wish there was a way for it to not be. If you're in a safe place to come out, do it. Good luck! Ben
Well... my experience so far is that there are two problems with coming out as Enby (NB or Non-binary for those who might be reading and havne't seen that one before)... What is "Non-Binary?": The non-binary gender identities are still a very new or even unkonwn concept for most people. When I tell people that I am genderqueer they nod politely and then I continue on with the discussion and later they bring me back and get clarification as to what that means. I tend to forget that some people don't know what it means at all and that has caught a few conversations up. I've found that defining what the terms mean for me personally help me to share the definitions, while still being respectful of those who might already be familiar with the topic. By explaining that "being genderqueer to me means..." it's not like I'm mansplaining (enbysplaining?) the concept to someone, rather expressing my connection with it. Overlooking that it's more than just a sexuality label: A couple of people whom I've come out to have missed the point that it's gender that I am talking about and not who I would like to be in relationships with. I find two sub-types for this: Not really transgender: My mother didn't realize that I had come out as transgender to her several times, even though I used the word transgender because I never said the magic words "I want to turn myself into a woman" or whatever people think transgender is. lol... Besides that description being wrong (transgender people align their bodies and social persona with who they are, rather than changing who they are) the lack of it kept her from understanding that I fit into that category. I found that explaining that medical transition is a part of my road-map made a huge difference. Now that I am on HRT, when I share that I am on hormones people tend to understand that I really am transgender. So can't you just be femme/butch/tomboy: People often confuse gender identity and gender expression. One of the tough parts for me is that my gender expression only matters a little bit to me. It's more important that people know who I am, than how I will look as I transition. For the most part I've been working on this by helping to explain the difference between gender identity, gender expression and sexuality. The unicorn helps.
