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Can't Sleep. Eating me Up Inside.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Love4Ever, Aug 30, 2018.

  1. Love4Ever

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    I really think I have to come out. It's getting to be unbearable. I just want a woman so badly and not being able to tell anyone is killing me inside. For the past two nights I have been not able to sleep. I have written like five drafts of a coming out letter to my mom and I just have to do it. I'm tired of waiting. I am coming out. I can't live like this anymore. I am going to give her the letter when she takes my sister to dance. She can read it away from the house. And I'll tell her to respond by text. I don't know if I can say it face to face. Please someone tell me to do this! I need to be held accountable. I want to do it when we get back from our family trip not this coming week but the week after. Please tell me to do it someone.
     
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  2. Lia444

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    We can’t tell you to do it but I was in a similar place and just did it. I sent a message to each of my immediate family members and was so scared. They were all supportive and didn’t see it as a big deal. I think we make it more of a big deal in our heads. I felt such a big relief afterwards though and it was like I moved another step forward in the right direction. Only you know what the next step is for you and this sounds like it if you are thinking about it this much and are loosing sleep over it.
     
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  3. Chip

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    For many people, it's like ripping a band-aid off, or something else that's momentarily painful. They know they need to do it, but they put it off because of that moment of pain.

    I agree with Lia that no one can tell you to do it, and I also think you're ready to do it from what you've said. I think the letter is a great idea, but If for some reason you can't muster up the courage to give it to her, a number of members have simply texted their parents. It can be super short and sweet... a letter isn't really necessary unless you think it helps... because the main purpose is to start the communication process.

    Best of luck. Set yourself a firm commitment to do so (which it sounds like you've already done) and report back.
     
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  4. Love4Ever

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    Thank you both for responding. I have a naturally anxious disposition so I am aware I am probably overreacting. I know my parents won't be upset. I just keep overthinking it.
     
  5. PurpleDude

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    I am not where you are, but I can still offer an opinion. if that's how you feel they'll take it, then why not do it and relieve yourself of at least a small amount of anxiety. once you've tackled that, wouldn't it be easier to follow through and come out to other people and get on with finding someone.
     
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  6. Hyde1905

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    I’m in the same sort of position with my friends. If fed up of them asking me who I like and I have to lie all the time. I’ve already made it harder for myself which I’m gonna try and get advice for another time. I really want to come out but I just can’t tho I hate having to lie all the time.
     
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  7. Love4Ever

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    Exactly. This is totally right. I know they won't be upset. Thy have always said they don't care who either me or my sister end up with. Heck, my mom I think might be somewhat suspicious. She has asked me before whether I liked men, because I didn't want to date this one guy. I have basically no dating history to speak of, I guess she thought maybe I was gay? She has never used the words bi or gay to me, except four years ago when I was dealing with a lot of anxiety and she asked if I was gay to which I said no. I am actually bi. I didn't quite know that at the time though. Heck, my dad even asked if my sister was gay at one point, (she's straight ironically) but he has never asked if I am lol. I have always been pretty boy crazy so I guess he assumed I was not likely to be queer. So my main concern is that I won't be taken seriously.
     
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  8. Love4Ever

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    I hate it too. I have really actually lied. But I still feel like I'm hiding something.
     
  9. Hyde1905

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    I’m only 13 so all my friends are wanting to know who eachother like and I can never answer. it’s just getting to me that I’m left out of the conversations with my friends because I’m scared to do it eventhough I know I will be accepted as I have other friends have come out aswell.
     
  10. Love4Ever

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    Aww that's sad. I can imagine it's not fun to listen to them talk and not be able to participate. I would consider just telling them if you know some of them are queer too. I don't imagine they would have a bad reaction. Maybe start with a close friend and then have them help you come out to the others?
     
  11. Hyde1905

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    Ive actually come out as pansexual to a couple of them because for some reason I found it easier eventhough I know I’m not. I’m going to create a thread about it. It’s just easier.
     
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  12. BrainTrain

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    For whatever it's worth I think the letter is a great idea, especially if you're more of a written communicator than a verbal one. I ended up sending text messages/emails as my coming out process. It made me feel in control of the situation and I was able to spend time clearly articulating what I wanted to say. I think it's really healthy to have that initial separation between your reactions to coming out and the actual process. The more you have the time and space to process and write it out, the better. Go for it!
     
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  13. out2019

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    I am getting this feeling too.. but for guys..I don't have any advice, I haven't even accepted that I am gay, but I fel this way too!
     
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  14. Love4Ever

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    I'm sorry. It's rough. I really find all the hiding and the constant doubt to be really hard to handle for me. My sexual feelings and desires are always fluid and changing and it's just frustrating to never feel like you know what you want and to feel so unable to communicate those feelings to others.
     
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  15. Love4Ever

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    Thank you! I am a writer at heart so for me I feel comfortable expressing myself that way. Part of why I love these forums so much is writing out my thoughts and helping other people with their's. I love how the written word can help us communicate so much as human beings. I am debating whether to text or write a letter. I'm thinking I may use a text instead, maybe so it seems like less of a big deal? After all, this doesn't change anything out me as a person and I want them to know that.
     
    #15 Love4Ever, Sep 2, 2018
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2018
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  16. beenthrdonetht

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    Totally with you. Writing helps you think. And it gives the other person some time to think about a reply.
     
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  17. BrainTrain

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    I'm a writer at heart too so I totally know what you mean. Writing is almost like a personal form of therapy, and these forums are a great place to not feel so alone through words. What an awesome tool.

    Are you wanting to do text instead of a letter because it's not that big of a deal? It seems like it's really eating away at you. But if you're anything like me, then it's the constant thinking about it that's really driving you crazy. Just telling someone that you're close to can provide so much relief, even if it's just a simple text of honesty.

    With a quick text, you could get the validation that you need. That you're not wrong for feeling this way. That your sexuality is 100% normal and it's the rest of the world that's a little goofy. And that despite everything, you are still loved.
     
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  18. out2019

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    I understand that , where does the doubt come from? and where does the desire come from?
     
  19. Love4Ever

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    The desire comes from feeling so connected to another woman in a way I don't feel with men. I also really want to have lesbian sex more than straight sex. The doubt is that I'm pickier with women and it's harder to find a woman who I'm physically attracted to. It's easy for me to find a hot guy but I don't feel anything with them. I don't think men understand me.
     
  20. Love4Ever

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    Thank you for this. I really appreciate it. I do think a text will be enough. I plan on sending it in about a week and a half. The not knowing is what's making me crazy.
     
    #20 Love4Ever, Sep 2, 2018
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2018