I was wondering if anyone had any experience with therapy to help you with coming out. I've been thinking it might be good to speak with a therapist, I'm just not sure what they can do for someone coming out. I definitely don't want the therapist to try & change me. I'm bisexual (maybe pansexual). So I'm not looking for a therapist to change me, just to help me through this process of coming out. I really want to get into a community, meet friends, & women I can date. Figure out how to come out to my family & friends. So I'm looking for opinions on if therapy has helped you & if you think it's a good idea for someone just coming out. Thanks!
It is not a therapist's role to try to change anyone. They are there to help you find out what you want, and help you achieve the goals you set for yourself. A good therapist can be really helpful in processing the feelings associated with shame and worthiness that go along with the coming out process. And contrary to what some say, a therapist doesn't have to be gay to help you effectlively, though experience with LGBT clients is definitely desirable and helpful. The real key is finding someone you feel safe with and can trust, who will listen and help you figure out what questions you want to answer within yourself, and how to find those answers.
I found it helpful to process how I was going to come out to my wife, and then deal with the roller-coaster aftermath. Plus my therapist would suggest some between-session "homework" which gave me a focus. It helped me to have a person (my therapist) who wasn't emotionally upset about me talking out loud about my concept of myself as a not-quite-straight- (and then soon after I was saying bisexual-) person.
Jennifer35..... Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes.....My therapist (Jacob) was the first person that I came out to face-to-face. I came out here on empty closets in December 2014. I came out to Jacob in December 2015. For that year I survived on EC. It helped me so very much, but I had a real need to talk to someone irl. Even after a year of posts here when I tried to tell Jacob it took almost an hour and a waterfall of tears and sobs to finally get those three words "I am gay" out of my mouth. That was in spite of the fact that a therapist couldn't tell anyone else what I said without my permission and that he was himself gay! At that time I told him I would NEVER come out to anyone else...especially not my family. I believe my words where "I'll take this secret to my grave". Now it's August 2018 and my wife, my son and 8-10 of my closest friends know that I am and always have been gay. They have all accepted me without reservation. My wife and I are staying together (long story). Without Jacob's help I would not have been able to get to this point in my life. As @Chip said, it is critical to find a therapist who you can trust. Someone who will help you find your true self and will not try to force you into any mold. That is what a therapist is supposed to do. I wish I didn't have to say be wary of Christian Therapists, as I am a Christian. Sadly there are very few Christian Therapists who won't try to get you to reject who you really are. Someone who is LGBTQ accepting and/or LGBTQ themselves. Look carefully at their QV. Check them out on their website and see what they specialize in. That's how I found Jacob and I will forever be thankful that I did! .....David
I've said it a few times here, and I'll gladly say it again. If you don't like your therapist for any reason, dump them. You're paying for them to help you, so if they aren't helping, why waste your money? So if by some chance you get one that isn't good with LGBT or tries to change you, dump them lol. That being said, I had a good experience with the therapist I saw. I had a lot of other stuff on my plate, that it wasn't really my intent to using therapy as a way to help me come out also. He was the first person that I came out to irl. Getting that first positive coming out experience was extremely helpful and helped me make and come out to my friends. Having my therapist as the start of a support system and him helping me continue to build my support system is something that I'll be forever grateful for.
I saw two different therapists and I ended up coming out to both of them, which has definitely helped me with my depression that was mostly caused by internalized homophobia. With the exception of my girlfriend they were actually the first two people that I came out to and were both very supportive and gave advice about coming out to my family. I think therapists are the best people to come out to, as they are there to help you and they usually aren’t judgemental (or at least they shouldn’t be... if your therapist judges you for your sexuality then they aren’t doing their job and you should just leave them). Anyways they aren’t going to tell anyone your secrets so there’s really no risk in coming out to them... I think you should give it a try.
Therapy can definitely help I think. I'm in therapy, I started it after I came out but looking back I should have started with therapy sooner (I'd had therapy before for depression but in retrospect I could have had better therapists). To help me with my emotion regulation problems. The therapy gave me a lot of insight in myself. Like for example, I have a more masculine energy and my natural inclination as a child was to get angry. But girls shouldn't get angry and me being angry (or showing any negative feelings but especially anger) wasn't really appreciated by my parents, to use a euphemism... which resulted in me bottling all my negative feelings and especially my anger up. And being LGBT (and because of other stuff that happened and was still happening in my life) I was angry, very angry. I actually still am, it's a work in progress. I started going to a therapist after I experienced an episode of blind rage. I didn't realize it was an episode of blind rage then but as I said to my therapist, I didn't think I had ever been that angry before... Although in retrospect I had, but that was already a long time ago.
I came out to one of my previous therapists and she helped me come out to my my mom so I definitely think it's a great idea to speak to a therapist about it assuming they are accepting which might be hard to know in some places.
my only comment is pleaaase give therapy a try. i have been going for almost 2 years and the changes i have seen in my thoughts, behaviours and outcomes have been enormous...they say therapist dont help you and that you have to help yourself but without my therapist i honestly dont know where i would be!
