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How old do you have to be to come out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Cyphertext, Aug 26, 2018.

  1. Cyphertext

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    I have an extremely accepting, progressive family, but I only just turned 13. I feel like I'm too young to come out, and that I have to wait until I'm in high school at the earliest. I'm out to only my younger sister.
     
  2. callistia

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    I don’t really think there’s a set age on when you can come out. Even on here, people have come out at a variety of ages. It just depends on when you’re ready to come out. If you were in a situation where you might be in danger if you came out, then it’s recommended that you wait until you’re independent from your family, which would usually be once you’re an adult and have moved out. For you, though, it sounds like your family will be accepting and supportive. If you want to wait, then you should wait. If you want to come out now, then go ahead. It’s your decision. That’s just my opinion, though, and I’m sure there are many others who also have helpful advice.
     
  3. quebec

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    Cyphertext.....Hello and a very big welcome to empty closets! Coming out...yes, the thing that we of the LGBTQ Family end up having to do because we are always assumed to be straight...*sigh* :old_frown: As @callista said, it's up to you. YOU get to decided when/where to come out and whom to come out to. No one should make that choice for you or pressure you. This is why "outing" someone is so terrible. A quote from "Love, Simon" after he had been outed: "That was my decision, my choice and you took it away from me" . You know your family and your situation better than we do. If they are accepting you could share it with them and ask them to not share with anyone else for a while...until you're ready. It's not so much your age, but how you feel about it and the circumstances surrounding you!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  4. Biguyjosh

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    I think people should come out when they're ready and for reasons they want to. People come out at different ages so there's no set age that's best.
     
  5. Devil Dave

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    I think the best time to come out is when you are ready to start dating. You might not feel ready to go on any dates yet. Or there might not be anyone in particular that you're interested in. But if it starts getting to the stage when you have met someone who is mutually interested in you and you think you might potentially start having a relationship with them, then that's a good time to come out to your family. No need to pressure yourself into coming out as gay if you are not having any gay experiences.
     
  6. smurf

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    Eh, I would advice against this.

    Sexuality impacts soo much of our lives way before we are ready to date. Its the questions from family, friends, the movies we watch, books we read, etc.

    Coming out, like everyone said, its a very personal decision that you have to make, but there aren't any rules about it. If you feel ready now, then you don't have to wait until highschool if you don't want to.

    My main suggestion is to always feel safe. If you feel safe and that your family will react fairly okay, then go for it! :slight_smile:
     
  7. Altanero

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    I regret that I came out to my family just when I started dating my ex (and only because his family discovered our relationship... but I decided to tell the truth to my family before that). I don't think that you have to wait for a specific situation (although some situations can help). Coming out is not ruled by any manual. But, as the other members have told you, the only answer is that you have to tell it when you feel that you are ready to do that. And you'll know when! :slight_smile:
     
  8. Devil Dave

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    To each their own. If I had come out earlier than I did, my family would likely not have been convinced. They would have thought I was going through a phase (maybe that's old fashioned because I rarely hear people talking about homosexuality as a "phase" these days)

    Waiting until I had actually been on a date with a guy and holding hands with him actually made my sexuality real to me instead of just something I had been fantasizing about and wondering about, and it made it so much easier for me to tell my parents that I had met a guy and we wanted to start seeing each other. That confirmed to all of the family that I wasn't going to be bringing girlfriends home.

    I wasn't watching any gay movies or reading any gay books.
     
  9. Shell87

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    I am lesbian myself but my daughter came out to me as bi age 11.

    As many have mentioned, as long as you feel safe then go for it. I would say tell close family first. People often don't see telling others as an issue so perhaps drop in there that you have only told them and you will tell others yourself in your own time.