Hey everyone. So, I've liked this girl for around a year and a half, but I'm still not over her. The thing is, I'm going to college in the fall across the US, so I'm probably hardly going to ever see her again. We met because we both played for our school basketball team. We've hung out with the team outside of basketball practice/games, and we've even hung out just ourselves one time last fall. But since then, things went downhill. We both kind of avoided speaking to each other for whatever reason. And now I'm beating myself up for it because I really really like her. We've been closer before. One time she said she loved me (in a platonic way), she would miss me "so much", she's put her arm around me, we've held hands, she gave me a piggy back ride when I was injured, she let me sit on her lap one time on the bus and held me so I wouldn't fall. But of course, I hardly reciprocated any of these things because I was too scared. And I think that's why she stopped doing them. Keep in mind, most of these things happened over a year ago. I don't even know if she like girls, but I could see it going either way. And of course I'm not out to her. We haven't had an actual conversation probably since winter, but I'm having trouble getting over her. The logical part of me says I should try harder (frankly I'm not even really trying), but the emotional part doesn't want to let go. The emotional part wants me to tell her how I feel and see her before I leave, but is also very scared since we haven't spoken in so long. It's not like we were necessarily friends before that either and spoke outside of basketball or social events much. But I feel like telling her, even if I got rejected, would make me feel better and possibly make me not so angry with my cowardice. Or I'd at least like to end on better terms. Basically the main thing that bothers me is the fact that she did genuinely like me at one point, but I was too scared to do anything about it. Maybe we could've happened if I hadn't been so scared. I don't know; I kind of feel like I should just try to let go and get excited for college, but it's so hard when I think about what could've happened. I guess I'm still holding on to hope that it will.
I had sort of the same experience when I was abroad and I still haven't told her. We text everyday now but Im just so scared of ruining everything like I sometimes regret not telling her abroad when we were at the same place bc now I won't know her reaction if I were to tell her I liked her. Now we are both in college and headed back but we go to school relatively far, about 3 hours... which sucks ass bc usually I crush on people on school so I can try to see them as much as possible before going insane... I understand you being scared. Im so terrified to tell my friend I like her bc I honestly have no idea what she thinks about me. (ie my thread if you care to read it) If you think you won't be able to not tell her and keep your sanity (barely keeping mine) then I think you should tell her. It looks like you guys have been really good friends and she should be understanding. And hey, worst case scenario she doesn't like you back and you can finally move on with your social life, right? Best of luck. Keep me updated bc I hope this stuff works out for someone.
I think you should both tell those persons how you feel. What do you have to lose? @msm24681 I have also read your thread and it's obvious to me she probably likes you and 3 hours drive is NOTHING you would be crazy not to tell her! I was in your situation in the past and I am so glad I did own up to it, there was also the ones who got away who later told me that at the time they did like me too and oh I wish I hadn't come up with excuses to not tell them how I felt. I have told many people since that I have been into them, some had good outcomes and were reciprocated others not, but even when it wasn't it never ever affected the friendship. I am very good friend with a lot of people I used to fancy (and who know about it) and them rejecting me didn't hurt as much as it has helped me move on quicker and meet more adequate people for myself, there really is little downside to being honest with people about how you feel, as long as you don't pressure them to feel the same. So definitely go get those chicks!
I like how you say its obvious. it gets my hopes up so hopefully they don't get crushed. Im just really bad with noticing when someone likes me or not. Someone would legit have to tell me "Hey I like you" for me to even realize it. Ok omg sooo I might just let her know about myself and see her reaction. then maybe drop the bomb? What do you think
Do it! I was the same with my ex, having suspicions that she may like me but then in the same breathe tellling myself "No, absolutely no way, she is probably just being nice!" it wasn't until the third date we had (that I still wasn't sure was a date actually! haha) when she was like "Okay, so can I kiss you now? Cause I kind of really want to..." that I was like "Oh, she DOES like me!" We are taught to under appreciate ourselves and constantely doubt our potential to seduce and attract others. While I was there thinking this girl was out of my league she was there thinking the same (as she told me recently) except she had the guts to make a move and thank God because I am sure I never would have dared. Since then, like I said, I make the first move because more often than not it turns out well and when it doesn't it still turns out okay. Life's too short to miss out on opportunities, so definitely go for it, in the way that seems the most appropriate to you
Ive been thinking about this all say. Thanks so much for the advice but how should I even talk to her? I would obviously like to tell her in person but wer both moving back to 2 different colleges from 2 different places
actually, it is. you can talk to her and tell her about your feelings and ask her if there's anything there OR you can keep quiet, move away from her and let this continue to eat at you, like it is right now. hopefully, she will want to give it a try. if not, you'll know and can try and move on, with distance helping you out.
Shit you're right. Thanks. Im gonna just "casually" bring it up when we talk tomorrow... I wanna just blurt it out now like I know she's up and I DEF will be up till like 5am playing all the things that can go wrong over and over again lol
ahh oh my god! I kind of lost hope on this thread lol but I can't believe people actually responded. I'm sorry to say that I have not reached out to her. I wasn't really getting answers on here so I finally decided to ask my sister for her advice, and she said she didn't think it was a good idea (don't hate her lol). I was really upset at first but she made some good points. Firstly, it might've come across that we were closer than we actually were. I don't know if I would even say we were friends. But this is basically the rationale for me not telling her: after not talking to her for awhile, suddenly wanting to hang out and then professing my feelings for her would be a lot, even if she did like me back. Every sign she's given me that she'd be interested happened over a year ago. If she doesn't like me back, it would make her uncomfortable. Especially if we drive together to wherever we hang out, it would make the rest of our time together awkward. I don't want her to feel uncomfortable. And it wouldn't be because of me, but probably more because she'd feel bad. If she does like me back, I'm still going away this fall to school across the country. We would hardly see each other. I might be okay with a long distance relationship, but that might be too much to ask for her. She still has 2 years of high school left. I don't want her to feel tied to me, someone who would hardly be around. long distance could work, but that's usually with couples who've been together for awhile before going long distance. We would be new. I really just don't want to put her in a position where she'd feel guilty, uncomfortable, or restricted. I feel like if she did like me at one point, that has long gone, and she's probably over it by now. I don't want to confuse her by possibly rekindling those feelings and then leaving her. It sounds selfish and inconsiderate put like that. And that's if she even liked me in the first place. And if she didn't ever like me, it would still be an awkward situation for her. There are of course plenty of fish in the sea, and I can use this as a learning experience to not be so scared next time. I feel like this just wasn't meant to work out anyway - we had zero chemistry. How can we still be awkward around each other after knowing each other for nearly 2 years? I might just be more upset about the fact that I never gave myself a chance than the fact of not being with her. It sounds like you're about to tell your crush how you feel though, so keep us updated!
I will say that I kinda think if it was going to happen it would have. However you only live once and it would be better to express yourself give her the chance and at worse be rejected (at best start a fun relationship built around friendship). I don't think you want to look back and regret not saying anything for the next few years.
