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Crushing so hard on a girl, I legit can't breathe so here I am asking 4 help on a forum #SOS

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by msm24681, Aug 20, 2018.

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  1. msm24681

    msm24681
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    Im 21 and I am honestly a mess. I don't even know where to start. Well, actually, here is the big one, I am so far in the closet, I think I'm in fucking Narnia. And that's just hard to admit on its own. But, ok, I am usually a pretty independent person. I have never dated anyone or have had crushes this bad and Im TWENTY ONE. I am just so busy getting my life and career together.. actually I keep busy. If you knew me, you honestly wouldn't even think my life rn is a mess. I have honestly questioned my sexuality since I got to college. But I have put it on the back burner bc it gave me so much anxiety and I didn't know how to handle it. But, NOW, putting in on the back burner literally feels like Im setting myself on fire.
    OK, about this girl. I studied abroad recently and met my friend and her friend. And HER friend, I kid you not, as soon as I saw her, the thought, "Please like girls" crossed my mind. Like WHY? HOW? WTH is wrong with me?! I literally just met her so I just brushed it off. We all got to be really good friends abroad and we are all from the states so its not like oceans are keeping us from all being friends. Being abroad was amazing.. and seriously, hanging out with her was amazing. We would literally talk about everything and we had a lot of stuff in common but at the same time such different social lives which was pretty cool. She also openly talks about her being a lesbian and her sexuality. Honestly I felt relieved when she said she was gay. (WHY? Im not even out and this cant be happening while Im abroad) Anyways, our time abroad was incredible. Of course, just as friends bc I don't have the guts to do anything. Plus, we were abroad, I cant let a crush eat me alive. But here I am, back in America.. and its killing me. We talk everyday. And I swear Im not a stalker. Either I or she texts first so its not just me. It could be just me whose day is literally made after having one conversation together though.. UGH I just do not know what to do. Like, I cant tell her. WHY? Cause then she'll find out LOL... and I just don't want to get rejected. Which is probs gonna happen bc I am not even out yet.

    **Apologizing for this novel. I really didn't mean for it to get this long. Honestly you can stop here just please please please give me advice. I do not know what to do. I keep thinking about her and what it could be and what it could never be an then I have trouble breathing as if IM having an anxiety attack. So yea, Im crushing HARD like I didn't even know this kind of crush existed! ITS HORRIBLE but not completely horrible....

    I am so conflicted bc I wanna just finish school and start my amazing career but every single fucking night, I am just thinking about this girl. Its almost sickening. I usually smoke to relax but Im out of weed :frowning2: So now Im stuck with my thoughts and sleepless nights fantasizing about this girl who thinks Im a really cool straight friend. Well, I made sure to never say I was straight bc Im psycho. But then again if I don't say Im gay then Im straight according to the world. I want to tell her how I feel but ( Im already sweating just typing this) that would be coming out and I just can't bring myself to find my way out of this "Narnia." I think I still like guys but I think out of 100, I 70% find girls more attractive.... I think I just rambled since my mind has been racing about this for literally months but physically, I cant even bring myself to get anything done with my head in the clouds about this girl. SOS
     
    #1 msm24681, Aug 20, 2018
  2. msm24681

    msm24681
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    A little more ranting bc i cant sleep for shit. So let me further explain this friendship me and this girl have. One time when it was raining, we only had one umbrella and sharing it with a friend is nothing like Its actually usually fun. But, she did something different. I held the umbrella and I thought she would just stand under it like you're supposed to since that is what you do under an umbrella but, no. She grasped. my. arm. with hers. Legit like how couples walk with one umbrella. And let me tell you, I was so tense the ENTIRE time bc I just didn't know what t think of it! I have never sweat so much in my life. TG it didn't show. Of course we still were talking and looking around but holy shit was my mind racing.
    There were also times when our friends couldn't join us so we actually had a day trip and spent time together. It was really fun. She actually even got a cold the previous night but still went on the day trip with me. Like what a trooper. Great friend, right?!
    We talk about visiting each other since we go to different colleges. I really hope we do get to see each other... of course I do... It also terrifies me so I kind of hope our other friends can meet up with us too. bUT at the same time, a little bit of me hopes its just us and she tells me she's likes me and then everything is FINE. But thats in my perfect world ... and this world is fucked up and its fucking me up.
    Another thing is our conversations. They are like.. real? We would talk about our hobbies and aspirations. I told her how I wanted to make a lot of money and buy a yacht.... bc that is my plan... Then she told me literally her whole future. Like career, marriage, kids, and everything. It was great but the worst part was that, as she was talking about her future,... I wanted to be like, part of it. Yeah ik, Im crushing so hard it is pathetic and, evidently, is driving me INSANE. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
     
    #2 msm24681, Aug 21, 2018
  3. Lin1

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    I think you need to tell her, best case scenario she feels the same (which she may) worse case scenario she doesn't and then what? You move on, potentially still remind friends and at least you know.
     
    #3 Lin1, Aug 21, 2018
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  4. msm24681

    msm24681
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    I want to but I don't
     
    #4 msm24681, Aug 21, 2018
  5. msm24681

    msm24681
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    Its embarrassing
     
    #5 msm24681, Aug 21, 2018
  6. msm24681

    msm24681
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    Unfortunately we lived like 2 hours away from each other and go to different schools
     
    #6 msm24681, Aug 21, 2018
  7. silverhalo

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    Hey I know it's tough but I also agree that you should tell her. It might be that she already has a suspicion that you might like girls or maybe she doesn't but I think the longer you leave it the harder it will be. You could say something like, sorry I couldn't tell you whilst we were abroad but I'm not out to anyone so I didn't have the guts to say it and I didn't want to ruin our friendship but since I've been at college I've been questioning my sexuality. You don't have to explain it like that you can write it however you like. She is gay so you are assured there will be no negative reaction to the fact you like girls.
    What are you most scared will happen if you tell her?
     
    #7 silverhalo, Aug 21, 2018
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  8. msm24681

    msm24681
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    That she won't like be back and it'll be really awkward. And you know, a little part of me might die inside...
     
    #8 msm24681, Aug 22, 2018
  9. silverhalo

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    Ok I know we don't want that, but we also don't want any regrets. I think we should just take it a step at a time and then re assess. I think step 1 should be just telling her you like girls, that doesn't have to include admitting your undying love for her. You can just say, you aren't really out but meeting her and spending time with her being so comfortable and open about it made you feel as though you could share it with her. Then we can see how she responds and that might give us a better idea of whether or not she might like you.
     
    #9 silverhalo, Aug 22, 2018
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  10. msm24681

    msm24681
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    Omg the does sound like a good idea. but UGH why am I still terrified? Holy shit this is me like coming out? This is sooo weird. Ok I might tell her about myself tonight..... pray for me LOL Wait, should I tell a friend first or something? Maybe a third opinion? I have 4 amazing friends from highschool but if one person is gonna find out.. id want them to know. We tell each other everything but this, this is just terrifying.
     
    #10 msm24681, Aug 23, 2018
  11. msm24681

    msm24681
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    Also I just realized like what if she was that comfortable with me BECAUSE she thought I was straight and that we are just really good friends?!
     
    #11 msm24681, Aug 23, 2018
  12. silverhalo

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    Ok first things first, it's completely up to you who you tell first. Only you can make that decision. If you want it to be your friends that's fine. It's such a personal choice who you come out to first that it has to be whoever you feel most comfortable telling. So if you need to take some time to think about it that's fine. Sometimes telling a newer friend can be easier than an old one but it's different for everyone.

    Well you can never completely reduce the risk to zero, there is always a chance someone will react badly but I think it's unlikely. If all lesbians didn't want to be friends with lesbians it would be a tough world. I can't promise you that won't come true but it wouldn't be where I'd put my money. You totally don't have to tell her I don't want to force you into it, but you also sound like not doing anything is driving you slightly crazy.
     
    #12 silverhalo, Aug 23, 2018
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  13. msm24681

    msm24681
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    Very true.... Im going insane...
     
    #13 msm24681, Aug 23, 2018
  14. silverhalo

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    Are your friends generally LGBT friendly and supportive?
     
    #14 silverhalo, Aug 23, 2018
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  15. msm24681

    msm24681
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    Yes they are! My best guy friend is actually gay. Also, Ive been thinking about this all day and I feel like Ive had like 4 heart attacks LOL I feel like I might chicken out.
     
    #15 msm24681, Aug 23, 2018
  16. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    Well it's ok to chicken out. I think almost everyone has decided to come out to someone and then not gone through with it for one reason or another in their time. That's fine just reset and if you decide you still want to do it then try again, you will get there.
     
    #16 silverhalo, Aug 23, 2018
  17. eden

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    i know the feeling of multiple regrets and thinking back on them (i've let almost of them slide, but i can never forget), i would follow the advice elsewhere in ec:

    have a meaningful conversation with her, usually phone, facetime / skype, or face-to-face is best - you know how texts can get lost in translation. after the meaningful conversation has come to a close, that would likely be the time to come out to this friend, even if she is your crush. also, she must know you like her even a little bit. i'm surprised you haven't come out to your gay friend yet. surely, you have had some deep conversations with him, right? maybe you can try it with him first. it sounds like you have nothing to lose.

    i have a girlfriend i'm crushing on very hard, but i can't follow through with telling her for a little while (the reasons are complicated and not important here), but when i am able to reveal my crush for her, i will. i learned that it is better to be rejected and know, than to not ever know.

    don't be that person. it *will* eat you up. it's doing it now.

    when i used to have crushes on boys (and girls) in school, i would always say to myself not to come out to them (or reveal my crush), because they will reject me and i will be ostracized at school. for the most part, i was right. the consequence was that it led to a bad pattern of keeping crushes quiet. later though, i realized the truth (see above).

    it sounds like you have a really great opportunity here: you can come out to this girl *and then* she might possibly want to be your girlfriend. wouldn't that be awesome? wouldn't that make your year?

    i'd make it this week's goal. that way, by the end of the week, you'll know where you stand.

    msm24681, you only get one go-around on this rock. make the most of it.

    [edited for syntax]
     
    #17 eden, Aug 26, 2018
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2018
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  18. msm24681

    msm24681
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    #18 msm24681, Sep 10, 2018
  19. msm24681

    msm24681
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    UPDATE: For anyone who cares, I didn't have the balls to say anything. We still just talk as friends. She did ask for my type one week and i started SWEATING and said I didn't know. Then, recently, she just told me that she ran into her ex girlfriend and they talked for hours. I felt honestly so sad which is kind of pathetic but I guess I let it happen... At least we are still friends! ha... hahaha. ha .... shit
     
    #19 msm24681, Oct 7, 2018
  20. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    Haha that's ok these things aren't easy. Did you ask her about her type?
     
    #20 silverhalo, Oct 8, 2018
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