Hi everyone...I've been a member for a while but I put myself back in the closet and haven't posted in over a year. I had come out to my mom, my co-worker, and a few friends but I back tracked and said never mind because I felt like I was going to be judged and it'd be easier to be straight or bi. So, I started dating men again, slept with quite a few, was in a relationship for a few months, got dumped...I was hurt and cried, but honestly, the feeling was more of relief than anything else. I do such a good job of convincing everyone else I like men and woo hoo, men! but I don't feel it at all inside. When I let my real feelings out to myself, I get flutters thinking about women, dreaming of a future, of a wife...everything culminated this afternoon when my ex asked to see me and I told him tomorrow would work...but my brain and heart just keep screaming "no, that is absolutely not what you want, you'll be miserable again". Has anyone else been in this situation? I'm 30, 31 in a few weeks and I feel like I'm too old to really come out and start the life I want. I feel lost. :/
Hi @emiee ! That's not the situation I'm in, but I had to respond when I read the part about your brain and heart screaming "no!". Please listen to your instincts, they're there to protect you. I gotta say, at 30 you have so much of your life ahead of you. I hope you won't squander it thinking it's too late to make your life what you want it to be. I'm pushing 60. Good luck! Welcome back to Empty Closets! Hugs! =Sevn
@emiee i must say i agree with @SevnButton we are about the same age, you and i, only i now have a husband and children... i ignored my instincts, brushed them off to the point they were mute.. and now here i am, in a mixed orientation marriage with a lingering desire to be with a woman. i love my family dearly, but often wonder what would life be like had i heard my own voice.
Hello. Welcome back to EC. I about the same age as you too. Although it might feel like it, if you read through some threads on here, you'll see that coming out in your 30s isn't so unusual. You don't need to make a big announcement either, if you don't want to. Some people go along to a LGBT group or meetup before coming out to all family and friends. Start slowly, if that feels easier, and find your feet a bit before coming out to everyone. Set yourself small goals, i.e. find a group, tell one person, etc. You say this is the life you want, so won't you regret not taking some action if you keep putting it off?
Hey welcome back. Don't be too hard on yourself for slipping back into the closet, I think we have all taken backward steps at one time or another. Coming out is tough and you are right being straight is easier but in the long run only if you actually like guys. Pretending and covering it up is fine for a while but internally it will grind you down and wear you out. There might be some people who judge you but you just have to let them go, they aren't the kind of people you need in your life anyway. The people you came out to, do you feel as though you could talk to them about how you are feeling now?
