I was diagnosed with depression about three months ago and I've been seeing a therapist ever since. When I first started seeing my therapist, I knew she was pretty but I didn't really acknowledge it because I was too depressed to see anything else but how I felt in the darkness all alone. It's been a few months and I'm starting to feel a bit better. And today during our session it kind of struck my how pretty she was and I couldn't stop looking at her all of a sudden. I know I don't have romantic feelings for her or anything, but is it wrong to be in awe of how beautiful she is?
It is not wrong. But now that you know, maybe consider switching to a male therapist? You are in therapy for depression which is something I think you should really focus on without any distractions. .... and maybe, that way, you actually can have romantic feelings. But you do you
It's not a bad suggestion, but I am generally kind of uncomfortable talking to men. 'Luckily' for me every therapist I've seen in my life happened to be a woman...but I've never had this problem of being physically attracted to them before.
It shouldn't really be a problem. You're allowed to think someone looks pretty. I've only ever been treated by female psychologists myself, so I didn't have to worry about becoming attracted to whoever was treating me. As you overcome your depression, your mood should be improving and so things that are already attractive to you will become even more attractive. And your confidence should also improve, and you may even feel yourself becoming more attractive. And if you are concerned that you might be getting distracted by the therapist's looks, then hopefully the treatment is teaching you to not let your emotions get the better of you.
I find my therapist very attractive too, but I don’t think my feelings for her would ever cross the line into a space where I’d have a problem focusing on therapy. If you think you’ll be distracted by the attraction, or if you think you could develop a deeper than surface-level attraction for her, it’s probably best to find someone new now.
I have heard that it is common for people to get a crush on their therapist. Not sure if it's a rumor or not. But I think it makes sense because they are there for you and listening to things others won't, so there is a connection that doesn't exist with other people.
Hmm I've never heard of that, but that's very intriguing to me. That actually makes a lot of sense though. My therapist is the one who's there for me and listening to what I have to say without being biased or opinionated about things. Wow. You just blew my mind. This makes so much sense. I'm amazed lol
It's not a rumor. It's very common for a client to have a crush on his/her therapist. So common that it is an important part of training for the therapist to understand and make therapeutic use of it. This is the transference/countertransference issue between clients and therapists, and can, properly used, help to deepen understanding of what is going on for the client. This also means that an ethical therapist will not be uncomfortable talking about this issue, and setting the firm boundary that, while it may be a real feeling, the relationship between client and therapist will not ever be more than professional. I'd suggest it is worth telling your therapist about this. While it may be uncomfortable or even a bit embarrassing, therapists are used to this and you may find that it is helpful to you in better understanding yourself and your feelings.
How would you suggest going about telling a therapist about these feelings? And while I understand that this could differ by patient, could you elaborate on what you mean by the 'transference/countertransference being used to figure out what is going on with the client'? Thanks!
It could be as simple as "I wanted to talk about something uncomfortable. I find you attractive and have sort of a crush. I understand that it is normal, but I figured it would be useful to bring up." And let her guide it from there. It's difficult to explain without going into a whole lot of psychological theory, but at its briefest, our relationship as a client in psychotherapy often reenacts parts of our relationships to other important people in our lives (parents, significant others, siblings, etc). The ways in which we feel emotions toward our therapist is often a projection of feelings we have, want to have, are uncomfortable with, or aren't in touch with. A good therapist fully understands this dynamic, and makes use of it in the therapeutic process to help the client better understand him or herself. Not sure if that actually clarifies or not. It's a somewhat difficult concept to deeply understand, because there's a whole lot of nuance and undertones within it, but that's the short-and-sweet.
