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Advice. Best Friend.

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Deann St, Aug 18, 2018.

  1. Deann St

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Hi, please help me out on the complicated relationship I have with my best friends.

    'Just complicated human problems'

    Let me explain the stages of our relationship first

    So, we met each other 3 years ago at freshman year. we're both came from the same hometown. When we first met, I kinda know already that he's gay. He had a few boyfriends/girlfriends before. Back then I wasn't sure that I am gay or straight. I've never been in a relationship and I just did not want to. I was in my world back then. When we were little bit closer (friend), he would start doing things like coming to sleep over, showing up unannounced, asked me to do this and that. Back then I found it annoying as I don't really like being around someone I am not very close with for that long. I was, to some extent, rude to him. I say harsh words a lot just because I'm triggered and uncomfortable. You can imagine your friend (not that close at the time) intervening your life routine in everywhere so much you do not want to be their friend anymore. This continues for a while. He put up with my behavior for a few months and then we don't really hang out for a while. It doesn't bother me at all back then, the same thing cant be said for him thinking back now.

    When we started our second year, it just happened that we coincidentally enrolled on the same units despite doing different majors (destiny has spoken). Moreover, we have over 8 classes per week and we pick all of them on the same date and time. We ended up in the same group and did a lot of assignment and research together. All in All, we became close again somehow. We started doing things that we did like in freshman year. He would come to my apartment for sleepover. We would watch movies and play games till morning. But this time I found myself enjoying myself much more when im around him. I stopped sleeping in the living room (despite me owning the apartment) and shared the bed with him. So I accepted him into my life much more this time. Our bond started forming and the next thing we know we do everything together. I spend all of my time with him. He would wait for me to finish my research just so we can go home together. We would just be on call or video the whole day when we don't meet. All these took more than a year to from though. It was slow but we just got closer and closer. We don't really speak our feelings. All the interactions were possible only by reading between the lines. So you can imagine it was a bit exhausting hanging out with him but I enjoyed it the least.

    At the end of year 2, I have already changed my feeling towards him. I was not sure that I want him to be my boyfriend or anything though. I just know that he was someone special to me. I was self-conflicting and I fought with my internal self a lot. Finally I admitted to myself that I like him. So the day before I flew back to my hometown for 3 months, I told him that I like him. But he didn't accept me. He told me that he has no feeling towards me romantically. We talked but I don't really understand his answer. For the past year, we spend a lot of time together. we do everything a couple do except sex. They are a lot of people hitting on him and me and we both never really pay attention to them. So I though that his answer wasn't honest. But I respect that and accept it as it is and told him that I was fine. At the point I was shook, I was not gay before I met him. I finally fought through any barriers that I used to have and admitted to the fact that I like him even if he's a guy. And when I have enough courage to confess to a guy, I got dumped. I was shook. LOL

    We do not really talk a few weeks. He started calling me back and acted like we're friends again. Well at the point I have come to accept the reality and move on. During the holiday, we went on a short trip together. So things were quite awkward when we first met at the airport with few other friends. Anyway, we ended up staying in the same room with another friend. There's only 1 bed so we ended up all sleeping on the same bed. I was pretty sure that he said it quite clear that we are just friend so I handled myself pretty well. I am very sensitive to touch and hardly (not even family) touch any part of my body. To my surprise, he used his hand and hug me while we were sleeping. He would also play with my hair. These never happens before. And it was done in such a way that my other friend wont notice. I do not know what to say I lie there like a dead log. When the morning comes, we will act like nothing happens ( which is weird now that I look back) this goes on everynight until the trip ends.

    After the trip, we didn't really contact each other for a month till our university re-opens. Our final year has arrived. Again, we when first met it was just awkward and after a while we became friends again. But this time, the physical touch is a little bit out of control. We ended up holding hands and played with each other everytime we are alone together. At the point I was just going with the flow and I have to admit that I enjoyed his physical interaction. But we never do anything more than that. Surprising but true, this occurs for a few months. I eventually reached the point that I could handle the situation anymore. I did not know that to do. He said we were friends but his action told me otherwise. I was with my other friend and we were drinking hard. I was so drunk ( first time to reach that stage) I ended up texting him and told him how I feel. The next moring I legit woke up crying what have I done. hahaha. So It's like me confessing to the same guy for the second time. For me if he thinks im just his friend we shouldn't be doing all these interactions that male friends wont do. Anyway, he ended up rejecting me for the second time. We did not talk for a month and when I called him again. He decided that we should never meet again.

    So Here I am, having a few days of students life left before I fly back to the other side of the world and never comes back. Possibly losing my bestfriend. It would be of great help if you guys could enlight me on my situation. I realise that I have so many mistakes too on this relationship. I have come to accept that we are best friends not lovers but his action seriously makes me question that thought. We both contribute to this impossible mess. I wish I could fix this since I don't really have a lot of people in my circles (I prefer a company of a dog rather than human) and this is my first actual 'friend/relationship'

    For anyone thinking that he might be playing around on me , I can guarantee that is not true. During all these, we were both pretty depressed. He would leave the house for weeks.

    Thank You in advance everyone
    Dean
     
  2. DRobs

    Regular Member

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    It sounds like he was treating this as a "friends with benefits" situation but didn't make that clear to you.
    Obviously you were looking for more than that. Plus the fact you guys shared so much time and your lives with each other it seemed to you that you were in a relationship with him.

    I guess you need to decide if you can stay friends with no possible long term dating relationship or agree to what he's saying - cutting the friendship off altogether. It's not too late for you to tell him you want to stay friends.

    Either way, I think you need to start dating other people as this is a dead end.