1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

night groping

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by merry, May 26, 2018.

  1. merry

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2018
    Messages:
    207
    Likes Received:
    39
    Location:
    Midwest US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    does anyone have experience with their partner groping them in their sleep?

    i have found a few articles on the subject known as night groping or sleep groping...

    would you share your thoughts on this?
     
  2. Biguy45

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2017
    Messages:
    1,295
    Likes Received:
    477
    Location:
    United states
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I wish
     
    Aleko likes this.
  3. normalwolverine

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2014
    Messages:
    188
    Likes Received:
    62
    Location:
    Southeast US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    No, but somehow I think I'd really enjoy that.......

    What are your thoughts?
     
  4. Destin

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2018
    Messages:
    2,055
    Likes Received:
    715
    Location:
    The United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I kind of do that sometimes. I really don't know what causes it, I've been assuming it must be a sexual dream of some kind that affects my real world actions because it feels lifelike or something. I never remember the dream if that's what it is though.

    I'm really surprised what it's possible to do in your sleep - everyone's heard of sleep walking, but uh, well as I discovered with an old girlfriend sleep sex is a thing too. Literally was not awake. Did not know what was happening until after it was over.
     
    merry likes this.
  5. Biguy45

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2017
    Messages:
    1,295
    Likes Received:
    477
    Location:
    United states
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Sometimes I have used it as an excuse
     
  6. LostInDaydreams

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2016
    Messages:
    4,300
    Likes Received:
    2,096
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    For your own behaviour? And presumably without the consent of your partner?

    My partner has never groped me whilst he's been asleep. He's done whilst he's awake and I'm asleep, which I really, really, really, don't appreciate. Just because you're in a relationship with somebody doesn't mean you can grope them whenever you feel like it! There needs to be some indication that it's consensual.

    I guess people can't help it if they're asleep, but I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with it. I guess it would depend on the relationship and how the person responsible acted afterwards and explained it.
     
    merry and Lia444 like this.
  7. Biguy45

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2017
    Messages:
    1,295
    Likes Received:
    477
    Location:
    United states
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Lighten up. It was clearly a joke. Virtue signaling is unnecessary
     
  8. merry

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2018
    Messages:
    207
    Likes Received:
    39
    Location:
    Midwest US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people

    this is what i was referring to.
    both while asleep or while partner is asleep..

    it seems to be a known occurrence and you can find articles about it online.

    even after discussion this seems to still be an issue.

    on one hand we all have different levels of comfort, and may offer consent to a partner at any time? that is fine if it has been discussed as enjoyable by both partners.

    if the groping partner uses this tactic, then says it means you don’t want them if you are upset, it is not okay. right?

    sleeping is a state of vulnerability- not necessarily a good time to try something with someone who isn’t fully aware of what is going on.
     
  9. normalwolverine

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2014
    Messages:
    188
    Likes Received:
    62
    Location:
    Southeast US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Yeah, I think some people take this as a joke. But I really was not kidding...when I think about something like that, I think I'd actually like it. But it's very much an individual thing, and it's just like anything else with sex and sexual touching--if someone says no or they don't want it, that should be the end of it. If it were me and it were a likely rare situation when I wasn't feeling well or whatever and didn't want the groping, then I'd say so and would expect that my partner would respect me enough to move on. If it's a situation when I'm sleeping and she's groping me and I have no idea, personally, I think that would be hot and she can do that and I'd be fine. I'd probably even let her know that it's hot and she can do it. That's just me, though.
     
  10. merry

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2018
    Messages:
    207
    Likes Received:
    39
    Location:
    Midwest US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people

    totally.
    i am bi and married to a man.. he says i used to love it, and likely so.

    i was diagnosed with a chronic illness around the time i came out a few years ago. though i think we both knew i was bi and sick much longer.

    he correlates my not wanting mid-night advances with those things..
    the illness, yes. it is very hard to sleep as it is, getting back to sleep is even harder. i’m sure that this has also impacted our very active sex life.

    but it doesn’t mean i am less attracted to him and i don’t believe it is fair that he blames my sexuality on noting wanting this. i am very open with him about my feelings and desires. and what i’m uncomfortably with as well.
     
  11. normalwolverine

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2014
    Messages:
    188
    Likes Received:
    62
    Location:
    Southeast US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Oh, very interesting.

    So, do you think he maybe just doesn't understand your struggle with your illness? That's what it's sounding like.
     
  12. merry

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2018
    Messages:
    207
    Likes Received:
    39
    Location:
    Midwest US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people

    thank you for the perspective.
    i believe that is it!

    i keep setting myself up for unachievable goals, only to realize again and again i have a sort of “new normal”

    he could easily be doing the same. :thinking:

    it is a lot to adjust to.
     
  13. LostInDaydreams

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2016
    Messages:
    4,300
    Likes Received:
    2,096
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It wasn't. I don't know you and tone isn't always obvious in written communication.

    But joking about sexual assault is fine?
     
  14. Biguy45

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2017
    Messages:
    1,295
    Likes Received:
    477
    Location:
    United states
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Whatever. I’m a scumbag. Does that make you happy. I’ll kill myself immediately
     
  15. LostInDaydreams

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2016
    Messages:
    4,300
    Likes Received:
    2,096
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    No, it doesn't. And I don't think you're a scumbag. I just don't think it was an appropriate comment, but I also don't think it necessarily says anything about you as a person. Most of us have said something inappropriate at some point in out lives.
     
    #15 LostInDaydreams, May 27, 2018
    Last edited: May 27, 2018
  16. Hyrule Wayfarer

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2014
    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Yes so I have been groped by a partner while they are 'half-asleep', it is a little annoying when it wakes me up.

    I have also been the partner who does it when I am asleep, I have a sexsomnia. It doesn't happen every time I sleep, just every now and again. The only thing that wakes me up is a slap to the face. My partners do feel awkward doing this at first, but a gentle tap or shake won't wake me up!
     
  17. beenthrdonetht

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2016
    Messages:
    1,315
    Likes Received:
    482
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    In the best physical relationship I ever had (oh if only the other elements had worked!) we both did his to each other. Didn't get enough sleep! But it does require a lot of trust on both sides. If either is feeling that the boundaries are asymmetrical, it could just spiral down into something... well just like Merry is describing. If a partner didn't like it, that's a solid NO. You wake them up first. And if they don't like that either, deal with it. Other people are not like faucets, there to be used for services.
     
  18. merry

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2018
    Messages:
    207
    Likes Received:
    39
    Location:
    Midwest US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    update:
    we have a mutual understanding of this and though he still sometimes disturbs my sleep (chronic illness does this enough on its own) it is more tender, he will gently stroke my hair, watch me sleep and appreciates me in a new light.

    i have noticed how much my illness has affected every aspect of our lives, including sex and sleep patterns and have made more time for balancing that.

    of course this wasn’t fixed overnight (pun intended) we understand each others needs, wants and boundaries much better.
     
    LostInDaydreams likes this.