does anyone have experience with their partner groping them in their sleep? i have found a few articles on the subject known as night groping or sleep groping... would you share your thoughts on this?
I kind of do that sometimes. I really don't know what causes it, I've been assuming it must be a sexual dream of some kind that affects my real world actions because it feels lifelike or something. I never remember the dream if that's what it is though. I'm really surprised what it's possible to do in your sleep - everyone's heard of sleep walking, but uh, well as I discovered with an old girlfriend sleep sex is a thing too. Literally was not awake. Did not know what was happening until after it was over.
For your own behaviour? And presumably without the consent of your partner? My partner has never groped me whilst he's been asleep. He's done whilst he's awake and I'm asleep, which I really, really, really, don't appreciate. Just because you're in a relationship with somebody doesn't mean you can grope them whenever you feel like it! There needs to be some indication that it's consensual. I guess people can't help it if they're asleep, but I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with it. I guess it would depend on the relationship and how the person responsible acted afterwards and explained it.
this is what i was referring to. both while asleep or while partner is asleep.. it seems to be a known occurrence and you can find articles about it online. even after discussion this seems to still be an issue. on one hand we all have different levels of comfort, and may offer consent to a partner at any time? that is fine if it has been discussed as enjoyable by both partners. if the groping partner uses this tactic, then says it means you don’t want them if you are upset, it is not okay. right? sleeping is a state of vulnerability- not necessarily a good time to try something with someone who isn’t fully aware of what is going on.
Yeah, I think some people take this as a joke. But I really was not kidding...when I think about something like that, I think I'd actually like it. But it's very much an individual thing, and it's just like anything else with sex and sexual touching--if someone says no or they don't want it, that should be the end of it. If it were me and it were a likely rare situation when I wasn't feeling well or whatever and didn't want the groping, then I'd say so and would expect that my partner would respect me enough to move on. If it's a situation when I'm sleeping and she's groping me and I have no idea, personally, I think that would be hot and she can do that and I'd be fine. I'd probably even let her know that it's hot and she can do it. That's just me, though.
totally. i am bi and married to a man.. he says i used to love it, and likely so. i was diagnosed with a chronic illness around the time i came out a few years ago. though i think we both knew i was bi and sick much longer. he correlates my not wanting mid-night advances with those things.. the illness, yes. it is very hard to sleep as it is, getting back to sleep is even harder. i’m sure that this has also impacted our very active sex life. but it doesn’t mean i am less attracted to him and i don’t believe it is fair that he blames my sexuality on noting wanting this. i am very open with him about my feelings and desires. and what i’m uncomfortably with as well.
Oh, very interesting. So, do you think he maybe just doesn't understand your struggle with your illness? That's what it's sounding like.
thank you for the perspective. i believe that is it! i keep setting myself up for unachievable goals, only to realize again and again i have a sort of “new normal” he could easily be doing the same. it is a lot to adjust to.
It wasn't. I don't know you and tone isn't always obvious in written communication. But joking about sexual assault is fine?
No, it doesn't. And I don't think you're a scumbag. I just don't think it was an appropriate comment, but I also don't think it necessarily says anything about you as a person. Most of us have said something inappropriate at some point in out lives.
Yes so I have been groped by a partner while they are 'half-asleep', it is a little annoying when it wakes me up. I have also been the partner who does it when I am asleep, I have a sexsomnia. It doesn't happen every time I sleep, just every now and again. The only thing that wakes me up is a slap to the face. My partners do feel awkward doing this at first, but a gentle tap or shake won't wake me up!
In the best physical relationship I ever had (oh if only the other elements had worked!) we both did his to each other. Didn't get enough sleep! But it does require a lot of trust on both sides. If either is feeling that the boundaries are asymmetrical, it could just spiral down into something... well just like Merry is describing. If a partner didn't like it, that's a solid NO. You wake them up first. And if they don't like that either, deal with it. Other people are not like faucets, there to be used for services.
update: we have a mutual understanding of this and though he still sometimes disturbs my sleep (chronic illness does this enough on its own) it is more tender, he will gently stroke my hair, watch me sleep and appreciates me in a new light. i have noticed how much my illness has affected every aspect of our lives, including sex and sleep patterns and have made more time for balancing that. of course this wasn’t fixed overnight (pun intended) we understand each others needs, wants and boundaries much better.