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gaydar, clues, tips, secret codes...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by merry, Aug 15, 2018.

  1. Mihael

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    I think the gaze can be obvious and the only reliable indicator. People with less typical gender expression tend to be less straight too, but this is not 100% true. How to tell apart a judgemental gaze? Easy. The flirty gaze will be with a friendly smile. :slight_smile: The judgemental gaze will look like this : >:Z lol
     
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  2. Biguy45

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    I think I would have to grab a guys crotch for anyone to get the hint. I don’t think there are any outward clues. Of course, others may see me differently
     
  3. Love4Ever

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    Well, I will echo what has been said in that it's impossible to be 100% certain, but there are a lot of signs, some obvious and some less so that I look for and that are often proven to be true. It tends to differ some for guys and girls, no idea why.
    Girls
    Short nails (Already mentioned here).
    Bracelets (this one is tricky because they don't nescessarily HAVE to be rainbow colored.) A lot of queer girls seem to wear leather woven wristlets or bracelets stacked on their wrist. I don't know why but they do. I actually wear one myself. My personal theory is it draws attention to your hands if you follow me. Usually the bracelet short nail thing is a combination deal, ie one follows the other so my eye will pick up on one of these things first and then look for the other. Chances are if she has 2 outa 2 she's queer.
    "The Look." No idea how to describe this other than to say a girl who's queer will look at another girl with the obvious intent of checking them out. Their gaze kinda scans you from top to bottom and kinda lingers. Usually there's kinda a side eye thing going on as well. Sometimes they bite their lip or do something funny with their mouth where it almost looks like a tiny smirk? I don't know how else to explain it but I've seen it from a girl who was a lesbian and I don't think she was even conscious that she did it but she definitely did, even when she wasn't looking at you.
    The walk. They tend to walk with bigger strides, (I do this), some may slump or slouch a bit. Not true of all, but the sporty athletic type usually do this.

    Guys
    Have a lighter higher pitched voice. I don't know why but gay men often sound more feminine when speaking. It's usually the first thing I notice.
    They talk with their hands. They usually will use their hands and wrists for emphasis.
    They way they walk. They tend to stand up straighter and their hips tend to sway a little more than a straight guy's usually would.
    Overall mannerism. Are ones I usually see exhibited by women.

    Obviously these are stereotypes but I've seen that many were true.
     
  4. Destin

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    This one intrigues me because like you said it's the biggest stereotype but I also can't see any way for this to be biologically possible, orientation and voice can't be linked yet it seems like they are. The majority of Gay and Bi guys I know have totally normal guy voices, so I can only guess that people purposely make their voice higher to 'seem more gay' to fit with the stereotype but don't sound like that naturally and maybe straight guys purposely make their voices deeper if they naturally do have a high voice.
     
    #24 Destin, Aug 16, 2018
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2018
  5. CuriousLad

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    I think she was talking about the tone rather than the pitch. Many of the gay men I've seen on TV and YouTube as well as the few I've met in real life have the stereotypical gay voice and speech. It's very expressive and almost musical because the sentences change pitch and notes frequently. And phrases like 'gurl' seem like a definite give away. In contrast, the regular straight male voice is pretty monotonous, emotionless (reflection of the appropriate personality) and yes, low pitched. And girls, in my experience fall somewhere in between. There's definitely a huge influence by pop culture on young gay teens but also the fact that many gay men tend to feel isolated from the group of jocks. It's not a coincidence that they usually have a lot of female friends because they not only both like guys but girls generally seem more understanding and less homophobic? So socializing with girls early on might contribute to their 'feminine' characteristics. Pop culture influences straight men as much as it does gay men because they're bred into the macho stereotype which includes not being expressive with their voice.

    It's still an offensive stereotype because there are plenty or queer guys who don't necessarily speak that way. Guys like me don't, because growing up, we actively suppressed the gay and any feminine attributes but maybe guys like you have a different reason?
     
    #25 CuriousLad, Aug 16, 2018
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2018
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  6. merry

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    yes. i think it is a good indicator, i think a flaw here, is that sometimes people may have the gaze before they even know or realize fully that their sexuality is fluid... which i believe, maybe, adds a tiny bit of judgment, curiosity and attraction to their gaze.

    i think my husband picked up on my gaze before i fully admitted to or knew myself i was queer.
     
  7. merry

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    so, question, does anyone here feel like allies wearing rainbows in support, of folks that seem quite heteronormative using hashtags like “women crush wednesday” on social media are making this more difficult for lgbtq people to have recognition?


    and at events like pride, or even on social media, does anyone find signs like “straight ally” (vs just ally) or “supportive :gay_pride_flag: but straight” offensive?




    *maybe i’ll add some more thoughts on this to the news and politics forum as well, if you’d like go check it out it is a bit longer of a post and you can find it here:

    https://forum.emptyclosets.com/inde...-reading-“ally-but-straight”-thoughts.473435/
     
    #27 merry, Aug 17, 2018
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2018
  8. Mihael

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    Yes, this is true.

    I can’t say I blame the heteros for using the rainbow etc but it does get annoying to not be able to tell.

    A lot of my female friends wear short nails and masculinne bracelets but not because they are gay, because they are tomboys. Rock music inspired outfits. Folk outfits. Playing the guitar. Sport. Tinkering. Making art with your hands. Travelling with a backpack to places that are beautiful but hard to reach and ... raw? I tell you, long nails break all the time if you are physically active. Ethnic kind of jewelry fit this lifestyle pretty well too. It’s hard to damage and looks cool. Then again, tomboys and the similar artsy types have more probability of being gay or bi.

    I agree about the body language thing.
     
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  9. Lexa

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    My nails aren't short at the moment :wink: (but they are most of the time).
    I definitely have the look and the walk though. I actually have to learn how to check out girls in a less obvious way. It's the result of checking out girls for years without going to LGBT events. Straight people don't notice I'm doing it but LGBT people do...
     
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  10. Love4Ever

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    I personally don't have a problem with it. But I think this is because I used to be straight and was very active even then in LGB culture and wanted to be a part of it. It can make it harder to tell I guess but on the other hand it also blurs the lines between orientations which for me is a good thing.
     
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  11. Biguy45

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    Personally I don’t care what anyone wears or does as long as it doesn’t affect me
     
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  12. merry

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    the first time i ever heard of people being offended by this was before i was really out to anyone besides my partner, a lesbian friend posted on social media about it being super annoying and confusing to her, blurring the lines and confusing her about who is and isn’t...

    it has never bothered me personally, besides the fact that i felt a little bit invisible, even by her post. like, hello! here i am!!! if i had posted a women crush wednesday or rocked a rainbow lapel pin, it would appear i am an ally to people in my town who are used to seeing me out and about with my male partner..

    and then it clicked... oh, i see what she meant. because i am in fact queer, the fact that allies use the same. bugs to show support make it a little harder for me to drop hints... hmm.

    on the other hand, how many “allies” do we see wearing/showing such clues that may in fact be queer?


    then there are the lqbtq people who are offended by those signs people carry “straight ally” or supportive by straight” as if implying straight is better???
     
    #32 merry, Aug 17, 2018
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  13. merry

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    oops. “supportive *but straight”
     
    #33 merry, Aug 17, 2018
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  14. Love4Ever

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    Yeah, I've seen stuff like that too. "Straight but not Narrow", stuff like that. Personally I don't think it means straight is better, and if you want to call yourself straight go ahead, but at the same time I wonder why the need to say you're straight. I mean, so what? For me the problem lies more not that in that it implies being straight is better, but that you are making it known to everyone you're straight when I don't see how your sexuality is at all relative to being supportive. To me it smacks of being afraid of people 'thinking" you're gay. Which then begs the question, what is so bad about being thought to be gay? It would seem to imply being gay is a bad thing.
     
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  15. merry

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    i just wonder if some folks feel like they are putting it on signs at pride to say they are unavailable?
     
  16. Danabutton

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    During my teens I had long bleached blonde hair, ankle bracket (hippie style) always wore skinny jeans and would go bare foot as much as possible and had a belly button ring; looking back I think I was sending out signals that maybe I had not come to terms with but I was a definite femme and I am a guy btw
     
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  17. Chierro

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    I actually looked into this a little for an assignment in a linguistics class last Fall. I had to choose some documentaries to watch and one of the ones I did was Do I Sound Gay? which actually looks into the "gay voice." It doesn't talk about the biological aspect but it's an interesting doc nonetheless.
     
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  18. Love4Ever

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    Honestly this sounds like a great look! You had great taste.
     
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