Hello all new to this so please bear with me. I've been married 32 years. Been a very sad and lonely existence but this last 12 months, ive started to come out a little. Have met a lovely guy and last week he told me he was looking for someone special and he would like it to be me. We are both in our 50s. The last few meets have been so amazing just spending sometime with another guy doing the most fantastically normal things. He was married but told his wife last year. I am telling my wife this week - nothing to do with my man. My marriage has been so sad for so many years. I just am overwhelmed by this massive insecurity. He says the most amazing things which subtly hint at us being together long-term. But he is very rough and ready and not a heart on sleeve guy. But in fairness is very open and honest. He prefers his emojis lol and just today sent me one of 2 guys holding hands. Being honest there is not much more he could do. I suppose it's because I'm a very heart on sleeve guy. Why can't I just be totally happy and accept that this is amazing. Why do I keep looking at it all so negatively. There are families on both sides and he has promised to help me in every way. Why am I being a plonker. I just want to enjoy this magical moment. He is being kind and loving and nice but is taking it nice and steady. I've only known him 6 weeks and only in a close way for the last 10 days. Thanks all. Newstart53
So my situation is somewhat different from yours in that I was already separated/divorced ten years from a bad marriage before I came out and started dating ... at age 59. Nonetheless, my advice would be to do your best to separate the decisions you face in terms of what you are leaving (the marriage) and what you are seeking (the guy). My experience is that, having never before dated a guy or done anything with a guy, it was easy for me to get hooked (repeatedly) on the newness and excitement of those first guys. I lost much sense of discernment and rationality. This guy of yours may well be "the guy" for you, but you're probably not yet in a position to make that decision yet. You haven't really known him that long, you don't have much to compare him to (except a bad marriage to a woman), and your attraction to him is tied up with you decision to leave a bad marriage. If indeed you're ready and able to leave the marriage, then do that. Trust me, it will likely be a messier and more draining experience than you're anticipating. Regardless, you do that for yourself, your freedom, and to start on a new future path. The guy you've met may be a nice companion in that process. Or he could be gone in a week, or he could truly be the one. There's no sure-fire way to know that now, so don't put him into a role that's unrealistic ... play it by ear. Good luck. That decision to leave and be true to you is the hardest step.
@newstart53, I think it's quite natural to hold back in circumstances like yours. You've only been with this guy for less than 2 months, and you have a lot of life experience, so some hesitation is for self-preservation. You haven't been with this guy long enough to build confidence that it's a long-term thing. If you jump in fully and it doesn't work out, it could be tough. I hope you'll be able to allow yourself moments of joy, while keeping your feet on the ground so as to know you'll always be OK. That could allow the joy to grow. Good luck! Hugs- =Sevn
