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Please help, i'm not quite sure what to do right now

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by britishbakura, Aug 11, 2018.

  1. britishbakura

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    It's been a while since i posted here, i didn't think i'd have to.

    i moved away from my dad who was abusive mentally and physically a couple years ago, i didn't talk to him for a year but now we are rebuilding our relationship and it's going pretty well (not that i think it could ever be the same as it was)
    my mum moved to a different country and i was left to live with her ex husband (my half brothers dad, they were married way before i was born tho, i don't consider him my dad)
    that was okay for a while despite him being super anxious about cutlery and plates

    then mum got ill while she was away, ive never had a great relationship with my mum, she has always had really bad mental health difficulties and it kinda put a wedge in our relationship, i din't blame her because i know ot's not her fault but i don't like the way it makes me feel so i tend to distance myself.

    after that rob was basically paying for her to live in spain, she didn't have a job but refused to come home.
    he began to get more stressed, he would get super mad at me and send me long messages because i ate a tin of beans, or i ate some of his bread. i don't know where he expected me to eat from, i don't have my own income. not that it matters he has money and we live above a shop if he wanted beans he could just go get some XD

    then he left to go and see mum, it was supposed to be a week and a half he was gone for. while he was away i became very depressed college was hard and just being there was making me anxious enough to have panic attacks travelling there took two hours too and i was struggling to get in. i never bunked off, i would just be late at first sometimes then a lot.

    he found out and was upset which i totally get but that all blew over and it was fine for maybe a week (although the food thing was still happening) then i think my teacher forgot to mark me in or the bus was late or somthing, either way i wasnt in the first ten mins of lesson and the teacher forgot to update me in when i arrived. at this point its two weeks after this abcense and hes drilling me on why, im anxious and depressed and i don't rememberany details of that random day from two weeks ago but he wouldnt have it.

    im a very messy person. i get something tidy and then the mess just piles up, i don't know how to fix that but at some point ill figure it out, the fact i get depressed and anxious probably doesn't help.

    that one and a half week holiday turned into almost two and a half months and i was living alone all that time (during my gcse's too no less) i liked living alone but not knowing how much income id have was difficult, if it were my own money id be able to manage that but it was sporadic and didnt know how long id have to make it last because the date he was coming home kept changing.

    a lot of people got worried about me someone even had social services get involved.

    they are back now, my mum and rob are living with me (maybe theyre in a relationship who knows they wouldnt tell me) i did my best to tidy and it seemed fine and then ive been ill which made me depressed room got messy then i was busy blah blah, rob has this thing with counting cutlery, and finds two of his forks missing. i don't know where they are, but i know they arent in my room because i always remember how uch of everything is in my room so i can say for sure on things like this. but he keeps bugging me and bugging me. hes threatened to kick e out for the mess before.

    im a super private person i don't like letting people in my room, because thats my space and i like having somewhere that private. so i come home today and mum tells me he's been in my room looking for the forks. i immediatley say that i do not have the forks but my replies that i wouldn't know of i did because of the state of my room. i know i don't have them but i understand where shes coming from, i just wish they would take my word. so i walk off because i know i have a tendency to get angry in these situation and don't want to and shes shouting at me to not get pissed off at her because shes telling the truth.

    i go to my room and lie down as ive just come home from a bike ride.

    and i hear a knock on my door, i take a deep breath and open the door and rob just starts asking me why im getting pissed off at him for saying my rooms a pig sty, i say im not pissed off about that im just getting tired of hearing about the forks because i know i don't have them.(and he knows i dont have them now because he's looked for them)

    he says some other stuff and im just standing their trying to take it on the chin, getting angry wouldnt help i know that. then he goes to walk off and im waiting fir him to go through the door and he goes "don't fucking look at me like that" i said what "giving me the eye like your hard" and then punches the door behind me right next to my head and looks at me super threateningly.

    let me just make something clear, he teaches martial arts, he has his own dojo, there is no fucking way i'd take a swing at him im five four and weigh like 50 kg.

    but it really shook me up because this is something dad had said to me and done before and like i saw the dad i lived with in him as he did it.

    im not scared in the same sense i was then but i felt really intimidated and vunerable. and i really don't think i should stand for it but idk what to do.

    the thing that really upsets me is that he's one of the only people i've confided in about what hapened with my dad so he knows that would really really get to me

    i want to move out so bad, im sick of relying on such and unreliable and abusive family it's like i can never escape.

    hes now messaging me telling me what i should do, telling me that if i think im so hard done to that i should just leave and sarcasticly mocking me.

    please help im at a loss for what to do
     
  2. DreamerAsh

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    I think you should, move out, or save enough to do so. Check out apartments I'm your area. If, you're too young, then you should move in with a friend and pay your way there. No one should have to deal with that. I wish I could leave my home as well..it's not safe here. But, I don't have that option. Can't get a job and can't work enough to afford it. Hopefully, the situation is different for you and you can get out of there.
     
  3. britishbakura

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    I've tried my best, i've looked online for cheap living, and worked pout was i can reasonably afford and it's just not going to happen. i can't get anything more than a part time job and that's never going to pay for a flat. i've considered being homeless but im going to stay at grandmas till i can make a decision and aybe just save some money. im going to try and stay out the house till i can figure something out.

    i have to take everything with me tho. rob can do some really horrible things when i don't tidy. he's taken my laptop, he's turned off wifi. he's evem cut off the electric to my room ( my room used to be a bedsit so it has a separate electric box) meaning no lights or chargers/tv or anything.

    i got by taking a power strip everywhere with 3 different portable chargers and my laptop plugged in which i could then connect to one plug socket and charge.

    i could understand him taking my possesions if i was a younger child / he was my dad and had bought them for me but he isnt and didnt i bought them or my grandma did. i can't ever understand taking away y electric and lights n stuff tho
     
  4. AbsoluteNerd

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    It sounds like this Rob is a very controlling person, which could make him dangerous when that control is threatened (e.g. your messy room). I don't know what to tell you to do about your situation, but I will say this: if he attacks you, kick him in the balls, hard, and run. I don't care how big or well trained he is, he will go down long enough for you to put some distance between you and get to safety. Trust me, I know this from experience: I'm 6'3" black belt and I have been taken down by a 5 year old who punched too low.
     
  5. britishbakura

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    i would never have expected hi, to be violent until yesterday, hes generally really kind and a calm person but yesterday he was really threatening.

    i'd make sure he wouldn't hit me i know i could get out of the way in time and then i know i could get out from there. not that im sure he would hit me yesterday was just very scary
     
  6. AbsoluteNerd

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    I understand, but sometimes people can surprise you, such as he did yesterday.
     
  7. britishbakura

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    I’ll be careful till I can get out properly, till then I’ll stay put as much as I can, thanks so much