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Living with abusive father and Depression

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Jogos, Aug 11, 2018.

  1. Jogos

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    Hi,
    I decided to type here again cause I really have no idea how to deal with this other than be in my room. Even walking sometimes makes me mad. I am 23 yrs old and the relationship between me and my father has gotten so bad i cant stand to be physically around him. It literally fks me up and im 23 years old i spoke to another gay family member who is in his late 40s now and he said "you know we just have to keep on going but i dont know what happiness is either" he lives in London and said there are tones of violent hate crimes. I live in Portugal, i hate rural old fashioned stuff and yesterday i just wanted to take my life. The social worker was all "go out for a walk with your father then monday you MUST go to the job center to look for a job then bring me back paper" i am a recent grad and I told her i have depression but i just feel awful. Me and my father always had a rocky relationship but i have no friends, am absolutely sick of now being 23 and never having dated, i am carrying on but feel dead insidd and im taking medication but it doesnt make a difference. I hardly have any cash. What am I too do?

    I despise my life
     
  2. Jushin

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    Hello Jogos,

    It's sad to hear that things have been turning out bad for you :/. But let's go through things one by one and see if I can help you in some way.

    Do you know what lead to this "can't stand physically" with your father? Can't you see any option to amend this? Maybe you should take notes of what you can or can't do so that you can act in the futurue to solve this.

    Violent hate crimes towards gay people right? Unfortunately, sometimes people don't know how to act in society and other people pay the price of it :/.

    (I also am from Portugal by the way.)
    Having those suicidal thoughts is really bad. I think you really need to start sorting things out. It seems you are piling many negative things on your life, and you are focusing too much on those negative things. I suggest that you should seek professional advice, like from a psychologist or psychiatrist. But can't your mother help you some way? Maybe if you vented to her, she could be more accepting of things, and even start giving the support you need. There's also online counseling from therapists. You could try searching on google about it.


    I don't understand how your life concerns this social worker. Is she from your family?
    But anyway, depression is a serious thing... and if it is really true, it is really important to seek professional advice and counseling. Your parents should be concerned about your mental health.
    It's their responsability to take care of you, when you can't take care of yourself because of lack of money.

    For now, it's really important to start taking care of yourself. You should talk to your parents about it... about how you feel, and ask for help to get professional consulting.
    I think, for starters, you should start taking notes on a paper or a notepad what worries you, what are your problems, what are your solutions or options to solve these problems. This way, you don't have to think always about everything at the same time (because from what I see, you are piling these negative thoughts in one huge snowball). And after that, you can starting solving things one by one.

    I hope I could help in some way, and hope that things starts turning better in the future.
     
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  3. Jogos

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    MY ANSWER\RESPONSE TO THIS: Thank you for your message, I dont have specific friends here, but i will try and add some peeps maybe here because the more support I have and also in return could give is fundamental for me. Obrigado x abraço
     
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  4. Jushin

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    I see. I guess than that your father was always like that. It's a part of him. But because you are depressed, you take the negative things he says more heavily. But I can see that, deeply, he cares for you :slight_smile:.
    About the homophobia thing... Our parents generation comes from a time where being gay was a crime, or something really really bad. Of course it happens during our days now, but people are starting to accept that we exist and that it is ok.

    Times have changed yes... but there will still many people that will "crucify" with their staring at gay people... and judge them. And some take actions, like the one you mentioned before (unfortunately). To be honest, I won't be seeing myself hanging out in the open with another man, holding hands, because of feeling afraid that someone can aboard us in a negative way.
    About that the jokes... it is pretty normal that people joke about it. Let them say what they want xD. If it doesn't involve you, you don't have to worry about it.

    Yes. From what I have been seeing here, people are friendly :slight_smile:.
    That's good to know. At least you have your mum support!
    You're welcoming. Is good to find fellow portuguese here... And I'm happy to try to help them, like anybody else. :wink:
    Yes. I agree with you. If I were in a situation like yourself, I like to think that if, for example, I come here to vent, I would "hear" some suggestions from people that would be trying to help me, and that would make the world for me.

    I see. But at least that subject was solved then.
    That's what I thought. The money thing is always a problem :/.
    Even if it helped you only a little bit, that's good.
    And what you think about what she said "whilst living with him I won't be able to grow properly"?
    Bullies... karma will handle them.
    That's good to know :slight_smile:.

    I'm glad I could help mate. And yes, it's good to try to get more support if we feel we need it :wink:.
    Abraço
     
  5. Jogos

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    I wonder if there are anymore portuguese members, glad to meet you friend :slight_smile:
     
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