Hi, I have a new friend, on the Internet. We saw eachother a few weeks ago in person for the first time. I had told him i am gay before that. After we saw eachother, He told me i was thinking about having sex with you. Again today, he told me he was thinking about it 2-3 days ago. He tell these things in chat not face to face (We haven't met, since then anyway tho). So, What do you say? Is it something i should be worry about? He seems nice. I don't know how exactly should i say it in English, But he isn't like a bad dishonest guy, I mean it suggests it's just a thought and maybe he can't help it. It concerns me because it's scary to lose a non-Internet friend again. I don't know. How bad is it? What should i do?
Hello Vega, What really worries you about it? What are your fears? Are you afraid that if you say that you don't want to have sex with him, that he stops talking to you? From what you told, there's nothing bad about it until now.
There is more than one thing that concern me. A few months ago i met with someone to get acquainted and if we want eachother we could be boyfriends. But the moment i arrived, He started talking about sex and touched me. So i kicked him out of my life. There are other examples but not as someone who supposed to be my boyfriend. So, you know, a burnt child dreads the fire. It concerns me and makes me feel bad, Because it happens more than normal. I mean, losing friends again and again is worrying. And i should add this, I feel lonely badly. I have much good friends on the Internet, But i can't see them because of the distance. So, Fear of becoming more alone isn't strange i guess. Losing him specifically, concerns me. No, He already knew that. And you should know that he's straight. When i was talking about myself i told him i hate to be in a sex-focused relationship. So, he knows i wouldn't want to do that. My English is not very fluent, I hope you got my ideas.
Some people just want to get into action immediately and are direct about it... and some poeple lie by saying that they want to be in a relationship or get to know the other better, but in the end they just want easy sex. I think that this could be the case in this one, but we will never know. From the subject before, you made a quick jump from boyfriend relationships to friend relationships. So here, when you speak of friends that you are losing... are you speaking of people that you are trying to meet (like the case you mentioned before), but in the end things don't turn up quite well? Or are you speaking of your already existent friends? It's normal to feel lonely in these times... when you feel that you are losing friends, and by only having internet friends. I don't see a reason why you would lose the friend you mentioned at the first post, so for now, I don't think you have to be concerned about it. Just try to enjoy the present and avoid thinking too much on the future, or else you will become too anxious. Ok. You made your point clear. That's good . And you still talk with each other right? Hmm. Well... if he wants to do sex with you, I think he is considered gay or bi. Maybe he is discovering himself yet, but it seems he is interested in you personally and sexually. Anyway, just keep going with the flow. Don't worry about it. Sometimes I also fail in writing fluent English.
He didn't say i want to have sex with you. Thinking about it doesn't mean he want it, Not necessarily. He know it's not a right thing, I guess. No, they're all human and specifically males. And they're supposed to be my friends. That's the mutual thing. I'm not sure what exactly makes me concern, But i think I am speaking about this: My sexuality makes problems sometimes. If i was straight or if i didn't tell himabout my sexuality, I'm sure he wouldn't think about having sex. The other case was a friend who asked me to help him with writing some texts about how a gay person lives. He was writing a novel and wanted to use my texts for his novel. And i couldn't do so because it felt really bad. Then he left me. So it feels bad. Not that i feel it's my fault. But it's obvious, Losing each friends harms you anyway. I don't have such problems with my current friends. Maybe he take it a step further, Then i have to leave him. Then my nightmare once again comes true: Yes, Again i lose another friend. Just as i've lost a few other. Yeah, We talk normally. I don't know his exact sexuality, But it doesn't matter, He considered himself a straight i think. I didn't want to say it. But he even told me if i could satisfy you enough, I would want to be your boyfriend. I didn't react much when he said this. Even talking about it here, doesn't feel very good. I don't think about him as a boyfriend or such a thing, That's the point. It feels bad.
True, but he talked about sex with you right? And he even touched you... I think those are small signals of what he wants. But the point here is: It's important to always to communicate that you don't want to have sex when you don't feel like it. I get it. But our mind has desires. It's unavoidable to think about these desires that we have. But remember: not all people are the same. Some people won't even have these kind of desires, even if they are gay and even if you tell them about it. Well, a true friend doesn't stop talking because of this kind of situation. If you didn't feel like lending your texts to him for his novel, than he should have understood your feelings about it, and keep talking. It's exactly like you said. It's not your fault. That's good to know. Hmm. If that happens, instead of taking an extreme action like that, just make your point clear and tell him something like: "Like I said before, I don't want to get involved sexually with you. I just want to be friends. I hope you understand that. I don't want to lose our friendship because of this". Communication is key. I see. So you didn't mention to him that you don't see him as a boyfriend when he asked you that right? Why you feel bad about it? If you only see him as a friend, what is the problem? It's how you feel and there's nothing wrong with that. Of course, in the future, things could develop to passion or love, but at this moment, you only feel that he is only your friend. You don't have feel bad about it.
I think you i got you wrong. I thought you were talking about my friend. Anyway, My friend didn't touch me!! The one who i met as a date touched me and talked much about sex. Then i throw him away. Good points again. I will try to make myself more clear to him. He didn't ask to be my boyfriend. He just told he can't be. But as i said i'll say my ideas more clearly. I feel bad because it's a difficult/uneasy situation. It's a bit scary. One or both of us can hurt. But specially i feel bad because i'm sharing something private here. I mean private for him. Maybe he wouldn't want others know about it. So it feels i'm doing something bad.
