I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years and been best friends for 6 years. I absolutely adore him, but I can’t ignore the fact that I’m gay anymore. When we first got together I was out to everyone and anyone as bisexual, but the more time has passed the more I’ve questioned my attraction to men- most important sexually. I’ve never been sexually attracted to men and my boyfriend knows this, we do have sex because it’s a form of intimacy but I never look at him/any other man and think DAMN yknow? Then there’s the romantic aspect, I love my boyfriend so so much and I really don’t want to hurt him. He’s an amazing guy and I know he cares for me deeply and I don’t want to mess him around. But I’m terrified that I’ll spend the rest of my life wishing I was with a woman and wondering what could have been. I pretty sure I’m a lesbian, I love women both romantically and sexually and when I imagine getting married it’s always been to a woman. I’m just so afraid to come out, I know it’s so selfish, but the thought of him having to tell his parents and how disappointed they’d be makes me feel so sick and I’m so scared to lose him. It’s like I’m afraid to let go- stuck between a rock and a hard place. I just wish I could banish my feelings for women and carry on with life.
That's a really tough situation. If he has been your friend for a long time, the chances are better that he will accept it when you tell him. No matter what the outcome, hopefully you find that person who will love you the way that you need.
Damn, this sounds so familiar.... just shy of a year ago I broke up with my girlfriend/bestfriend because i figured out that I am gay, in the same way you did. It's very though, but you have to do it. It's only going to get worse believe me. Be honest, tell him what you tell us. You are upset because you don't want to hurt him and I know exactly how that feels, but I got too emotional and started acting irrational. I acted out of my place and destroyed my relationship with her, while that was the opposite of what I wanted.
I am in the exact situation! I have a boyfriend and love him so much. He is the most amazing guy, treats me well and we have this amazing connection. Have never fought and it's just so nice being with him....UNTIL we go to sleep or he wants to be sexual with me. I feel 0 sexual attraction to him and sometimes I'll fake it/force it and try to think about how good he is to me, but I never think of him like that or long to have sex. I don't want to lose him. I think it would break me. I really don't know what to either, but I know I'm going to be even more miserable loving a lie :/
Hey that's such a tough situation but I think you know in you heart that you can't be with him long term. I think you have to look at it that the longer you leave it the more you are hurting him. The best chance you have of keeping the friendship is to be open and honest with him, like you were above, tell him if there was any way you could be with him you would but you want him to be with someone who can return not just the love he has but the desire too and the attraction. I know it won't feel like that when you tell him but really he should feel honoured that he is such an amazing person you have tried so hard to be with him. Being on EC for a while I do think it's true that it's only going to get worse. I'm not lessening at all how hard it is but at least right now it's just the 2 of you, no marriage or kids etc to deal with breaking up. Long term you will both be happier out of the relationship even though it doesn't seem like it right now.
